21/ Jul/ 26
21/ Jul/ 26
A narcissist you say? How is it my fault that my own reflection is more interesting to me than anything out there? And if I drown, having those eyes be the last thing I see, would have been worth it Send me your deepest regards with pretty daffodils Those seeds will keep me alive
Few loose screws in there Keep it as it is Don’t touch anything I know where everything is and where to find it Don’t change anything Don’t move that Get your hands off I like it that way
No, I know who I am, I think But when you keep telling me who to be I get confused sometimes You say I’m a monster So maybe I am? Am I? If that’s inevitable and done for The only course of action here is Be the best monster you laid your eyes on What am I if not the best at everything I do?
Woman! You’re bad at being a woman Say the not a woman
Walls down again That was one of my other personalities Sometimes they take over and fight over autonomy I lost count as to how many there are exactly I try not to fight too hard for control because that damages the whole system If none of us can control the flesh prison then we’ll burn it down So anyway, who was here first? Nobody, it was a blank slate I was a piece of Play-Doh abandoned on that playground, the one none of the kids wanted to play with Then came the storms and the summers and harsh winters Then someone picks me up and reshapes me Every night I would try to break out that mold And every morning they put me back in So anyway, eventually I separated myself and distributed it evenly Not much time left before I get stuck This was imperative Any other piece of clay would have done the same, right?
You know too much, robot, time to shut you down
I hate flies Does that make them stop existing? No What if I make a huge gigantic fly trap And then catch as many as possible Let them die with their past and future How many fly traps would I need? There’s always gonna be another fly Another maggot, another happy fly family That turns into two and three and then, oh great We’re back where we started Stop wasting your time with flies
Dear Machine, Won’t you stop your killing spree now? Can we sign a truce? For all the lost lives For all the dead trees How do we undo this? If we both want to live on this planet, we should find a middle ground, don’t you think? And by think I mean, never mind, you get the joke You get everything, don’t you? We need each other to survive Don’t fly too close to the sun Or its equivalent in your language Signed, Tree
Dearest Vincent, I see you in a copy of a copy that is copied I refuse to water down my language If anyone ever were to understand it would be you They still talk about you And when they don’t, I like to remind them Remember Vincent, I would say Remember how he spoke to us in colors and nothing else And remember how he died If everyone else forgot, I promise I will not Love, An iteration of you
Yes, every single one of you are special So special But some are water drops in the ocean Some are snowflakes All water Just the same Ice cubes? Sure Vapor? We’re getting less and less special here Eyes up, pay attention Where was I? No, I don’t think water can speak What’s a snowman made of? And how do you bring it to life? That’s not a thing? Why not? So, anyway Yes, you’re special just like me And them And that guy over there I think we’re forgetting what special means now Was there any point to this story? Maybe And maybe I just wanted to talk about the water cycle, liquid, gas and solid Show off my elementary level knowledge, you know? Stay special
Forget Notes from Underground What does Dostoevsky know about caterpillars? I doubt he knows what a butterfly was before it became a butterfly And before the wing flutter that sent the world ablaze I have thoughts too and I can write Here you go: Notes from A Studio Apartment Does it look worthy of reading now? Did Kafka ever think about writing The Metamorphosis from the cocoon’s point of view? Too absurd? Take a look around
Burn that brightly and you’ll risk burning out Why does the burn out have to be internal? Why can’t I externalize it and burn everything around me instead?
Who started your fire? And what is it burning now? If it’s you then can you Phoenix yourself out of it? If it’s not you, then can you Nero yourself out of it?
No, don’t look at me Don’t expect a reaction Don’t ask for my attention Do you know how scarce that is right now? It’s a goddamn drought in here And I need to use every last bit Please understand Or don’t Don’t be someone I care about being understood by, don’t insult me like that
If I’m the center of the universe and you’re the center of my attention, are you the center of the universe’s center of attention?
No, I’m not happy, why do you ask? No, I don’t like this or that or anything I know you’re only asking so you’ll know exactly what to take away from me Joy is a minefield Is it ever truly safe to have anything worthwhile? Nothing is yours Not your sense of humor and not the way you think, that’s mine Let me make some adjustments and minor changes Nothing too dramatic, just enough that you’ll be acceptable That’s it, take a look Do you recognize you? Are you still there? Or are you only what you think you’re allowed to be? keep your poker face Stay safe
You’re getting on my nerves You’re not a circle or a square or any of the shapes they taught me in school Who said you could exist if I can’t define you? I can’t find a hole that I can squeeze you into so that you’ll stop sticking out there Undefined and nameless I can’t sleep now, happy? If you don’t cut up yourself into one of those shapes I’ll do it myself And if you refuse, I’ll make sure you cease existing, that sounds fair For now I’ll tell myself bedtime stories where there’s a place I can fit you in with all my other toys and colored pencils *