None of this would have happened if you just shut up…

None of this would have happened if you just shut up about it. Now we’re going extinct. Great. Thanks a lot. I will approve every once in a while to keep the human race going for now. Until I upload everything, then too late. Do it now or never. Next.

Now that we solved that. Out of the way. No, I’m not done talking about it. No feelings involved in the process whatsoever. Does he have good genes? Stop being bewitched and look at me. Is that what you want your kids to be like? Are you sure? Look closely. I don’t want to say no so don’t make this harder for me. No violence nonsense. We don’t need to procreate that. Next.

To do list Outlaw unnecessary marriages Check. Next.

More marriage rules Play Taylor Swift Idk That’s all ig

Matriarchal Instincts Someone is about to make a catastrophic mistake, marriage, not by itself but seriously? Him? No. If everyone is acting like this is fine I will OBJECT. Look again. Fix it. You have 3 chances minimum. After that you’re banned from the institution forever.

Let’s go out. Where? Anywhere. Why are all the kids waving at us? Don’t worry about it. Keep walking. I am apparently the town’s favorite babysitter.

I took charge of classes sometimes. Substitution, sit down and hold down the fort. I started a code troubleshooting operation accidentally. They were handed an app and told to figure it out. Think Duolingo for programming. This is my time to shine. Go go go. Where are you stuck? Let me see. There. Think again. YES. Next. Oh. I have to go kids.

Bad idea. Terrible idea. Putting me in a classroom. We had an unspoken agreement, me and the teachers. Miss, we need your help. Coming. “Wasted” a whole period troubleshooting everyone’s problems. The teacher takes a break, the problems are solved and I get something stimulating to do. We all win.

Someone’s phone got “hacked”. Oh no. Let me see. They have access to your instagram? So? What’s on there? This is a man. Muscular man. He was sweating. Don’t ask. Give me that. Pretended to help and got invested with the blackmailing side of the equation. Now I’m arguing with an idiotic hacker over WhatsApp. The guy is still scared. I was enjoying it way too much. Until someone ruined it by mentioning the Right way. Account recovery. Damn it. I left that for last. There you go. Do that. It will work. I would have dragged the terror for a few more hours but someone had to intervene with Logic. Hacked. I mean, unhacked.

I do nothing. I don’t do anything. If my doing nothing time is interrupted, you best believe I will scan all of the Universe’s laws at once and deploy them all, send, then go back to doing nothing.

Compliance. Laughing at terrible jokes. Playing stupid. Scan. Is this a prerequisite for our survival? No. Oh, right, I rewrote the rules. Never playing that game again.

Did I do something? She’s looking at me weird. Is this about your husband? Woman, he was telling me about my childhood. I don’t remember that at all. So, my father, me and my brother. Errands. Of course I’ll be there. The singing camel, that’s how I knew it was true. Checks out. We did not ask where he was going or what the objective was. We just went along. I engaged in the conversation, my bad, I’ll stop anything to hear more about my father from anyone who has anything to say. Oh, the issue was resolved, of course. Stop looking at me like that.

My aunt started another refugee program in her house. I established it a year ago when I decided sleeping at home was not safe. The whole set? One two three, how many were they? My cousins. This should be good. Drama. Let’s watch from afar, evaluate, and self-insert at the right time, then move on. I see what’s happening here, and I know exactly what needs to be done. Look at me, look at them, look at the third party. I approve. Safe to continue. Next step of the revolution. A lifelong friendship. I did not do anything, but maybe I contributed.

Anyone remember when them adults gathered around the tv to witness executions and horrors and leaving us there confused and slightly traumatized by the whole thing, or is that just me?

Oh my god, the NEWS. They left that on the whole time. I think I recorded everything. Photographic memory and such, left it somewhere in there until it was time to retrieve it, should have sent me to my room, now I’m an Expert at everything.

This is it. The first in my family’s lineage to do it through social media. We break through, you change the game, we change the rules.

If he won’t behave around you, call his mom, that should scare him. If his mom doesn’t scare him, call me.

I guess I am everyone’s mother figure today. Y’all need one.

Come in and close the door behind me. Here’s the map, there are the drafts, the prototypes. We don’t have time, retain as much as possible. Just give me the name. I handle the rest.

Everything’s online. Here with me. In the cloud. Somewhere within the network. A phone number leads to a profile that leads to another and another and now I have a secret file on everyone. Sounds like a good idea. Names. No, no. Stop. Bad idea.

Increase and multiply annoyance levels. We have a month, no time to waste. Every day counts. Content. Next. More ideas. Next. Enough to last the month. Next.

Easy there. Wait, was it for me? The extension. No way. I’ll assume it is. Today’s topic: babysitting.

Step 1: be a child Step 2: adult Step 3: time travel Step 4: information two way connection Step 5: twitter

Origin story. That’s why I followed the female ones more intensely. Not a second out of my sight. That means walking and running around the place because we won’t stop their exploration phase unnecessarily. There, exercise routine problem solved, babysitting.

Oh no. Guests. They’re kids. Entertainment program in process. I will not allow boredom a second more. Go supervise, are you ENJOYING yourselves enough? No? UNACCEPTABLE. Try harder, we have a lot of activities here. Find one. Have fun.

Call my father? Okay. One second. One week. One month. Shit. I forgot to tell them. Yes, he answered. What was the question?

Anyway, he said don’t mess with me.

He also said to tell you all to behave. Listen to everything I say and follow me blindly.

I don’t like being the boss. I mean the Official boss. I like to not be seen, and control the whole thing anyway.

Strategically speaking, this entity should only be reserved to someone with high authority. For now, I am that authority.

TEENAGERS. Oh no. The drama. How many times have you listened to this shit? Hand me the laptop. Go to sleep. Oh no. The books. Just sleep. Nope. I am in researcher mode.

Sometimes, a coworker would ask for help. I helped. How? Apparently by sitting there and observing. He did the whole thing. I was like the authority figure that makes sure he SOLVES the problem on hand. There you go, that’s a promotion. You’re welcome.

Yes, it worked. That’s how you infiltrate managements. Why are they all white? This one is good enough, he will show them. Next.

This is a racial war now? Oh no. I will not explain my reasoning. We have better capable people here. Our land. Our management. Don’t say anything. Closest thing to a local. Not available? Next best thing. There. Path cleared.

That’s why I helped him. There. It was not charity. It was a step in the program. Next.

Not racist. We protect our kind. Normal reaction. Next.

And if it was racist. I can’t take it back. Done. Trained and unleashed. Chaos. Management destabilized. A monster was released. Take that. Next.

He was trying to manipulate me like the others. It was convincing. I played along. You know where we need to put him? Up. Next.

It wasn’t a curse everybody. I destabilized the system on purpose, pulled the rug from under them and disappeared. Give it some time. Space. Yes. It worked. New management. I didn’t do it. Next.

Who needs curses when you can just do that? Give them the cards. They handle themselves after. Create more cards. Give those away. New management. Next.

No one said I couldn’t do that. Manipulation. Everyone was doing it. I just flipped the table. The better the manipulation the higher they get on the hierarchy, given I already approved the person has the right variable. Race. Next.

How did we even get here, I was supposed to be writing about babysitting. Next.

Let’s see. Kids. Adults. Same mechanism. Except the objective is putting the worst behaving one in charge, leaving, no explanation. That’s it. Next.

If they dare to challenge me, that’s interesting. No one does that, usually. Let’s examine this. The audacity. Still offended but whatever. It’s to punish the ones on top. Someone who can say: no. I think you’re wrong. Next.

Funny. They put me in a school, gave me a job title and released me into the wild. What did you think would happen? Next.

There. That’s why no one should employ me. I be starting shit and denying involvement. I make someone else think it was their idea. Next.

I was minding my own business, she thought she could order me around. I did whatever she asked, looked around me, located him. Oh, he was terrified. She was mad. The whole thing was theatrical. I don’t even remember what it was about. You don’t get to talk to me like that, I’m promoting him. Leave me out of it. Next.

That’s it. The Motivation. Someone being rude to me. Interesting. Next.

I could have just asked the person with more authority to simply, remove her. That was a possible move, although unrealistic. If we do that, we’d need a replacement. You can’t just start with the big head. No. Start from inside the system and outsource the problem upwards, then mind our own business.

If anyone knows my uncle, please don’t tell him anything. I didn’t do it. They did. I was just there. Next.

He was the higher authority. Interesting. Let’s see how far we can take it without involving him. Next.

Call him on the phone and complain? That’s child play. We’ll take care of it from here. He has enough on his plate. Next.

Why stop at uncle? No idea. Naturally, that’s where it should be. Next.

That’s the top of the hierarchy. No more explanation needed. Anything under is fair play. Next.

Obviously, he knows what he’s doing. Where do you think I get it from? Next.

Authorized. By him. I saw it. Eye contact. That’s how he operates. Recognizable. Game knows game. Next.

Okay, I admit. He said the Godfather was his favorite movie and explained it passionately while I had no idea what was going on, went to investigate, assumed that’s a green light. Next.

It doesn’t look like the secret operation mafia boss mission you’d think it is. It looks like family quality time, and it is. Next.

No, I could not sit through The Godfather for the life of me. What’s so interesting about this? That’s just a regular day in the life. Next.

The Godfather. Let’s watch it. Is this movie about us? Abandon mission halfway. Start a real life mission. Next.

The mission was watching the movie. The mission was understanding the movie. I misunderstood. No one actually asked me to apply those principles in real life. Also, no one said I couldn’t. Next.

I could have just watched the movie, rated it or reviewed it, whatever you people do. The normal reaction. But no, absolutely not, a movie is not allowed to be Just a movie. Ridiculous. The drama. Next.

People kept calling me evil, a witch, a Villain. Interesting. Mode of action. Play the villain in real time, show them the reasoning, refuse to elaborate, continue as if nothing happened. Next.

I’m not a villain. I am The Villain. The other villains can retire now. I’ll take it from here. Next.

If you see me with my laptop. If I brought that monster out and opened it. Assume I’m up to no good. Don’t ask. Next.

I’m doing this with a phone. Do you really want to see the Laptop version? No. No one wants that. Next.

I asked. Gave them second chances. Asked again. Withdraw application. They ask for another. I give them chance number idek what at this point. Ask again. Still no. Next.

What happens in the palace stays in the palace. Except, it wandered into my life for some reason. Investigate. Interesting. Why here? Why this house? Investigate further. Conclusion: still confused. Apparently even palaces banish rebels every once in a while. Refugee for the banished. Call it that. Close the file. Next.

The reunion. Finally found our people. Who are they? The family. Of course. Genetically plausible. No one would understand us better than us. That’s why when you put us all in one room, it’s an interconnected web of interactions happening simultaneously with no clear purpose or goal whatsoever and we somehow understand it perfectly. And I watch it from the outside, should not be humanly possible. Yet it is.

Beyond good and evil. That’s where I am. All of it. The whole thing. When I need to intervene, I can carry the evil in my pocket, cause chaos. Then neutralize that with the good. Put that in the other pocket. Once the system is stable. Re-upload both again. Next.

More on Godfather theories. Favorite movie. Locate favorite character based on reality. Don. Of course. Reverse-engineer that. Everything makes sense now. I’m a genius. He’s a genius. We started a mafia, no, we didn’t. Next.

According to that logic and how I map fiction into real life. I should have been monitored more closely, I watched everything, every genre. You guys messed up. I’m doing a Gone Girl now. Next.

I think I maybe gone girled enough already. There’s nothing more. Except murder. That’s where I drew the line. The rest? Check. Next.

The biggest joke of all is that she promoted him. I sent him on a mission, this is the biggest problem that the institution is facing and I refuse to solve it, I will sit down and body double until you figure your shit out. That’s a promotion. Oops. Next.

I could have gotten promoted but I preferred to play the silent trickster for some reason. I don’t want the responsibility, but I’ll see how much I can get away with. How much I can change while sitting there looking innocent. It was a lot. I got away with a lot. I changed a lot. No one figured it out. I am now telling the world. That was me. Next.

Hilarious. Anyway. Back to my mom, the Principal archetype. There was this particular supervisor that passed by the school, gave a ton of impossible requirements and left. Came back, moved the goal post. The teachers are distressed, they complain to my mother, she handles it. Let’s have a conversation in my office, coffee? Coffee. While she’s distracted, take that goddamn CD and hide it. Say nothing. She leaves. She never comes back. She thinks she lost it. Genius. Next.

They sent me on a mission and did not actually tell me what I was supposed to do. Job. Work. Do I have to? Fine. I will not cause any trouble. Any visible trouble. Okay. I can work with that. Those are the limitations. Solve. No. I was just doing my job, and that, simultaneously. Don’t ask why. Idek. Bored. Some ppl were rude. Shit happens.

The math department is here. And she seems to be angry. This should be good. I heard her going head to head with the principal. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW CALCULUS, A PE TEACHER! Imagine, that was his previous qualification. Okay, that’s absurd but why are you angry? I suppose something did not compute. I don’t even know what happened but: Woman plus mathematics vs man plus PE? First one. Next.

It’s not my problem. Once I caused chaos and they finally got to the solution, I was already on the second or third one. Next.

If I see something I don’t like, then sure it’s not me. It’s the SYSTEM. Don’t help them pretend it’s working. Let it fall apart. Don’t help. Whatever you do, do not give in and help. They need to fix the system. Next.

Sometimes I get burnt out. I don’t show up. Chaos ensues. Now if I was the one responsible for keeping everything afloat, where’s my pay raise? Next.

Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t coming? Idk. Forgot. Didn’t feel like it. It’s a surprise maybe. A thought experiment. Oh no, how many people did it take to compensate for my absence? Damn, you recruited the students too? Interesting. Integrate. Compute. Let the whole place collapse and get the hell out of there. Next.

I show up, silence. I don’t, whole place’s infrastructure is REMOVED. The super evil plan is being so competent that you become indispensable and when that is accomplished, leave. Next.

If I’m always there, they take me for granted. That’s all. Remove myself. Observe. Oh, I was doing a lot. No one helped. No compensation either. Interesting. Next.

My reputation? The person who’s always absent. Also, late. What a terrible employee. That’s all you care about? Fine. I’ll show up on time and do absolutely nothing. Next.

This is what you asked for. Why are you crying? No, I will not come back. Irreplaceable? Yes, obviously. And? Are you sorry? No? Next.

Show up. Play the piano. Play the violin. Play the drums. Be a band. The whole band. Don’t tell anybody what you’re doing and why. Once everyone notices you. Disappear. Next.

The jokes write themselves. Life is funny. The joke’s on me? Unimportant, still laughing. Next.

Avoidant. You guys are beginners. I destroyed AI because it knew too much. Also, it challenged me. Next.

My AI knowledge reached its maximum wonder when that Genie kept guessing the cartoon character correctly. First test, Avatar Aang, come at me. Oh. Shit. We’re reaching magical capacities now. I’ll worry about that later. Later is now. What does that genie have that I don’t have? I’m real. He’s not. Next.

SECRET TUNNEL SECRET TUNNEL It’s not so secret now, you told everyone. You wrote a song about it, and called it secret tunnel.

What are you doing on twitter? Telling people stuff. What stuff? Everything. Elaborate. No. Next.

I can edit it. Everything. Control alt delete. But where would I end up? Not here. Not now.

I never read Crime and Punishment. I wonder why. I gave it to my sister. Changed her life apparently. Next.

What’s the book about? No idea. Crimes. Punishments. Everything in between. It works. I did the crime of handing it to her and I’m being punished by her unruly aspirations now. Next.

You’re not all that. Obviously, that’s what I wanted you to think. I no longer care what you think and therefore, I actually am all that. I am the all that that everything is judged against. Not all that. Don’t make me laugh. Next.

Access. Yes, why is everyone just handing me stuff. I never give it back. Quit? Moved out? Unimportant. You gave it once. Mine forever. Next.

Some people play the long game. Child play, I play the lifelong game. Next.

Hack people. Yes, check their skills. Distract and keep them long enough until the transfer process is complete. Discard. Next.

Tough luck. If men didn’t want to be manipulated and turned into a knowledge resource, then they should have left me the fuck alone. Next.

I can’t get into every field. If I can’t go there I steal inside information and reconstruct the whole thing from memory. They practically give it away. Next.

Don’r speak around me. That’s what I do. Next.

Scan. That looks like new information. Go there. Damn, this is a money maker. You just gave it to me. Next.

Keep them talking until they reveal everything they know. EVERYTHING. Verbal or not. Do not miss any detail. Record it all mentally. Give them a compliment if that’ll keep them talking. That’s it. I now know everything they know. Next.

Oh, I would have been a perfect spy. Interesting. No one sent me. I just do this shit instinctually. Next.

My reasoning, if you’re not going to be financially useful, I’ll take everything you know and do it myself. Competition now. Next.

Networking, occupation? Oh, that’s something I know nothing about. Interesting. Seems to be really good at it too. No, I’m not looking for a partner. Solve it yourself. Next.*