Stranded

Stranded Hot banded Long lived Shot candid

Wounded soldier barges on and on Dirty sandy cuspy lilac coffee grown

And he shows up For the rescue of the dame Every time, that soldier came

I forgot Which limb?

In that Smiling city Astronauts fly

Spill the concrete Disillusioned with it all Form infusioned cut it all Storm unused in fret it all

Close the door Look back for rain Back in my arms Back home again, like I said

Barely a whisper If you ever could repeat Barely a twister That you ever would eat

Be the inspiration Deny association

Editor in chief First draft publication First half pronunciation

Try to make me feel less than Try to steer my ship tin and tan Go and stand on your head in sand Makes it fit, you of all farm animals can

Hysterics Moronics Control esc Space bar

Push you off The edge of the sphere There’s no place for you here It barely fits me and my peers

White lights Cat car fights Star gunned kites Hollow lowly heights

Vulnerable Let me, protect? No, let me inspect More to exploit in effect

Optimus Prime Beyblade colors Sun crescent waters Twenty percent charters

Unsafe Retreat, no attacks Seek shelter, get brackets Follow procedures, point blanks

Nostalgic For a night whose light broke amber For a dance that’s technically not over

Suspended In all its glory and blight Steady bones, mushroom light

Cloud You said tight Stories Need one write

Touch me Said one site Clap them Cut one kite

Doom Is your night Gloom Is your shite

الإهانة العظمى كانت، أعزائي وعزيزاتي، أن سارق أجنحة الفراشات لم يتغذَّ عليها، ولم يزين لوحاته ببقاياها. ولم لا؟ لا جواب يريح البال.

You spend days without that smile that revives your swollen heart, and what for? An injury to the wrong limb, message received, loud and clear.

Damn you Who kept the office doors open Who stole my chocolates and muffins

Screw you Who broke the chairs Chopin Who left the printers Lauren

Lucky to have him Won him at a game of chess Unknowingly left tabs open Punished with messy handovers

I could have Stayed home Took handouts No shame in that I would have Stayed inside Thanked the stars Nothing wrong with that

I traded my clarity for your confusion No one else to blame for your intrusion

I could have Swallowed my pride Took my paychecks your home No shame in that I would have Been some bride To some lucky groom Nothing wrong with that

Prove yourself to me Tests of loyalty are cheap Give them all to me Soul, accessories to keep

I had a larger collection back then Dropped my hook into the deepness of well Big or small, short or tall, handsome all This one, no, that one, perhaps Leave some for the rest of us, will you?

You’ve successfully managed it Before thought impossible Evading the sunlight Starving from darkness When all you had to do was Open your eyes

If I didn’t hear any for the rest of my life This melody of you and I, dearest Would be the one I will always remember When asked about music

That was my ward You thought you could wrong And walk away unharmed That was my town You thought you could burn And run away unburned

Penelope, you wanderer of dome Left at dawn, you were not home Wait for me in hell, said one gnome Wait for me to win, gather the foam Ithaca, my dear, is that in my Rome? Our son, your heirloom, is yet to come

Not a single cloud, my lord Not a single crown, on my head Not a single frown, so I said Not a single second more in bed

Who gets the girl If the girl does not Want to get got?

Short-lived glory Nemo to my Dory

Not a loss, I’m afraid I said all’s to be said I gave all’s to be gave Away, no credit taken

Until the loser held out this corpse Up to his God, revive it for me, I hope You can grant me this, lord, by force No harm done to last out the final rope

Phantom of the residential complex No other residents but me to haunt? What’s the story, what’s your context No other widows but me to taunt?

Yes, you will arrive if you keep on going Make sure then, that when you do What you wanted all along, is there waiting

Must be worth nothing If I caught it so easily Must not mean anything If my worthless eyes could hold it

You put your armer on In front of me I shoot my shot along Just to see How a giant falls From that height How a star dies After the fight

But she doesn’t wait Not like your mother did She didn’t even bait Like all your lovers did

Thanos rings My aunt said Keep them close To your head Keep them next To your bed

Little sister She then said Best of friends And books you read Stay with you Not things to shed Diamonds, gold Are frozen bread

All is fair, dears Love and war, gears War and peace, fears Shedding tears, piers

Little sister She then said Best of friends And books you read Stay with you Not things to shed Diamonds, gold Are frozen bread

No, no one asked you For the sun and moon On a platter No one expects that A simple pendant Would have sufficed A necklaced star On the cosmos’ platter

Many scissors And many knives Many pictures And many clives

Therefore, me walking around with a severed limb. With proof of zero pills and zero hemp. High tolerance proven intact. I survive, not the impact.

When I arrive at your heaven’s gate Well, rehab’s gate, same difference You know who’s here, open the gate With all due respect, and all deference

And you’d take her back Every time, foolish lover Have a stronger back This time, mother lover

No way, kids Welcoming me with open arms To the outside world Were there options? Like getting stuck Forever between those isles With no way out of the labyrinth Always a good sight, you children Worth the good fight, hopeful generation Quiet imbeciles, loud gentiles And smart, smart Constantine

Judge all you want From your high cinematic viewing throne Laugh all you want Yell and scream, no you won’t Do or don’t Your actress, gone Your enchantress, no loan

Only you were stupid enough To open an oyster, look at the pearl Put it back in, super glue it shut And throw it back into the seven seas

Breath of fresh air, you Prince of Bel-Air, me

My view, the beauty parlor Review, gorgeous after Saddened eyes before Bejeweled stones after Most importantly, my barler

Rage room security guards Accept broken-armed lards Don’t ask, that’s not hard Let me in, break a shard

I might get something published If I could only sit down long enough On this chair, open my laptop and head But no, God no, can you imagine how rough Those needles would be, how toughened The looks I’d give, to pretend I’m enjoying it

I recognize you I know those eyes We used to smoke Together, in silence In the store corner Before it even was one

Yes, I remember. In terrifying explicit intricate interwoven detailed paragraphs and verses and photographs. Goddamn, all of you lazy forgetters, I remember it all. Especially the tiny tenth of a second when you, from a skyscraper, let go of my hand, and ran off with my shirt hanging off your back.

Go to the dollar store In home slippers and a pink hair tie Messy bun, no suit in sight and no tie Stock up on hair dyes and bleachers Avoid all the judges and teachers They tell me things I understand But still can’t stand For reasons I can’t quietly land On Butterfly, orange and high Let go of me, let me die Die and try dyeing My hair instead of lying Down indefinitely With no crown Ultimately Endless frown

I’d pay you with the same coin But it’s not painful enough now I’d sooner set fire to my loin Than let you see it, buffalo cow

I go to the hospital I confuse doctors They frantically go through their notes No answer in there Well, have you tried sleeping? Your tests are clean No, you didn’t unknowingly ingest mind alterers You don’t need to, organically done and imported Do you want to be locked up, no? Why not? A cat, as in feline Do you understand the stakes here? You do, and you want to leave here Not even a doctor’s note for work? It’s free, woman I’m begging you to take a break Your body is crying for you to, too Heart, head backache Groans, bones that break

Stop showing off? I have one working arm, dipshit You stop slacking off Catch up, keep going or get hit

Don’t drink the bleach, honey Put it on your head, if you have to Don’t shave off your head, again Remember how that one went, part two

I tried my best to hide it, mother There’s no need for liquid fire, lover Nor bruises and wounds to the eye, brother My gold pieces swell when you punch me No need to call on me from the grave, father I’ll catch up to you And in jump in right after you After I make sure you’re alright, sister

Fillers, what for? Do they make one for wallets? Want yours paid for? I’m not touching my color palettes Yet

Don’t be scare of using your hand Retrain the muscles, form a band Instructions unclear, patient is banned Found outside, playing guitar and belting it To Sinatra, Astaire and some beetles’ band Said they were a butterfly or some dand Never mind the details, where’s my land? Your island, don’t be absurd All of that is mine in my mind

Once, I caused a panic manic episode in the asylum, outward one. The ward went from internal to outwardly, so to speak. You get it, don’t you? Anyhow, the nurse was terrified, you’ve been here what? Five minutes and you managed to bleed, there’s nothing you could have used, we checked. Woman, what have you done? You wanted to check the shower-head mechanics? It works just fine, we promise. Now explain the red. Hair dye, of course, red specifically. Crazy vixen.

Your trash, someone else’s musings You’re trash, no one else’s using you Like I did, like she did, like we did, boy Your nothing, someone else’s everything You’re nothing, no one else’s anything Of value Garbage man, close the door behind you When you leave, make sure I can’t rewind you

Too far? Excuse me, rib-its I was just testing my limits Frog mug painting, cinnamon Apple cider scented candle Crickets

I left the door long enough For the wolves to smell Blood, tangerine fingers Then, when they howl, yell Try to come in, beg, plead Slam it on their paws, hell I live for that shit, kitten in a well Chicken, come rescue me Get in, ice cream truck, see? So harmless So sweet What was it all for? My entertainment That petty Ambulance trick, I like to call it Heaven in a stick, ice cream cone Cotton candy hair in a cup

Someone said don’t let them see Your weak side, don’t let it be Immortalized, looking for pity I didn’t realize I was All I saw was strength, resilience Every fall was a launchpad I would be dishonest if I only shared the top Jump top Trampoline high point

Not competing Stopped eating Not to look good for you Because it took too much from me Thinking about it Think I’ll do something radical Like trust my body to do its job Food processed and burned for fuel Not good enough, redo the curve calculation Yes, perfect See what happens when we work together I feed you You make me better looking Not me starving you And you trying to kill me

I was supposed to do better Be better A bridesmaid lets the bride do her makeup And puts her death on hold to button up her dress I’ll be the DJ too No, I wasn’t dead just a few hours ago Why do you ask? I look distant I look in the distance Angel of death beckoning for me to come Let me take care of this one, first I almost ruined it As usual Smile for the picture Should have spent a few minutes more on my hair Here comes the older sister She’s a little weird but she means well At least we think she does We hope she does Destruction follows her where she goes Just quit her job, too We don’t know why She almost quit life, too So we let her be

You ruined all your new clothes And lost my designer bag too We flew halfway across the globe for that I spent a fortune on that folder looking wallet Careless Fearless because you know yourself I can regain the money Regrow my wealth from scratch My life, I can’t save if lost and gone

Not the bank again, man Someone woke up with red hair Again Where’s my chequebook? Where’s my favorite book? You know I love signing autographs Not the same thing, I know This one costs money C’est la vie, mon amie My grandmother in her death bed Never took off her golden rings Inspiration to all of you Rebellious spirits Proud heretics Diamonds Golden Ring I.e. M

Edited for anonymity reasons One of my proudest moments Wouldn’t have smiled that wide If it was my wedding day, gourmets

Go ahead and tell them That you used to know me Used to Keyword Used to use me Used to me Being there Silently waiting

Consumers Creators Thin line in-between Borderline, get it? Where I like to spend my days

Alexa, turn on the light Shit, I haven’t programmed that one I was busy messing with human lives instead

I remember when my face caused terror and horror. Showing up to work like the grim reaper. Smiling to their faces, stabbing them whilst maintaining eye contact. Good old days, am I right? Here comes the lady who ruins all our days and weeks. No, she looks like an angel but she’s the devil in disguise, trust me. One time, I asked her to stop assigning me as a cover teacher. Guess what she did, dear reader, I received the message seconds after I left her office, assigned for substitution. No way that wasn’t on purpose, right? Don’t tell me what to do. We can’t reason with her, either. She derails the conversation and ends up getting her way, always. I’m convinced she enjoys it, takes pleasure in it. When she comes in the teachers’ lounge, she’s not here to hang out, she’s here looking for another body to hang. That was an exaggerated narration of the daily lives of masked individuals. To be completely fair, she wasn’t all bad, she had a way with the machines. When we had a technical problem, we knew who to call, Computerman. Woman, whatever. I swear she could communicate with them, a secret language. I think she has a magical touch, them laptops are terrified to misbehave near her. No, it’s not that deep, she’s just really smart, I think. Either that or she’s a machine herself, I could swear I’ve seen her in two places at once, no one’s that fast, right?

I came to shake your hand before leaving. I hope there’s no bad blood left. I want you to know that I enjoyed playing this game with you. Cat and mouse. I want you to know that when you caught me looking, and I immediately looked the other way, it was a compliment. I cannot help not look away, when you look like that so effortlessly. It wasn’t hatred, more like confusion, more like a cryptic distant memory. Cleopatra, is it you? Hypatia, my dearest, can it be true?

She kicked my leg when I was asleep, on purpose. She strums the guitar loudly to wake me up. What have I gotten myself into? She’s a psychopath, I wasn’t aware. I would never have messed with her had I known. I told her she was wrong once, she looked at me like I was crazy. Yes, she was right of course, but so dramatic.

The guitar wasn’t only for decoration, I suppose. I misunderstood because that was what it looked like. My fingers need retraining, my chords need perfecting, and my vocal cords strengthening.

I don’t think I misunderstood. I think I over-understood, you under-understood. Stood under me, and went even lower.

What are you doing, sitting in the dark with my older lover? Oh, your sister’s here too. What is this? A secret parent teacher conference? Or an older sister teacher conference. Never mind the details, what are you talking about, me? This whole thing is about me, right? Tell me I’m important enough. The only thing worse than that is me being unimportant to all of you. You told them about me, how horrifying. You failed to even mention me, a painful relief.

It meant the world to me That we were girls together It meant more than you see That we set sail together I couldn’t walk or breathe I couldn’t smile or speak But we were girls together Remember this, me, we We raised the kids together We swam the sea together We died, have we? Not young forever My child, my liege It wasn’t randomness It was a calculated risk A better life for you and me

I may have manipulated the algorithm Only a little, harmless fun It was possible I had the ability And I take my chances So, are you reading this Or am I reading you?

If I tell them older people You know what they’ll say An evil eye! Black magic! Witchcraft Who would do that? To me, oh, a lot of people You know the drill Show off, eccentric Tone it down Do you really have to outshine? Be normal, it’s so easy Is it, really? How do you stand it? Let me try that one Instructions unclear Idiots fell for it

When nothing can numb the screaming of the heart, what else is there to do but bleed it out? Draw lines and create barcodes, the ones that they scan on heaven’s cashier register. “This costs a lot more than what it did, when we first published it”, the puzzled librarian said. Are you sure you want to return this? we’re sending it back, again. Why does it keep ending up here, I said it’s not your time, woman.

Don’t do anything to me. I won’t shut up about it for decades to come. Write about it in a hundred ways in a million days in the sunlight rays.

You told your versions of my story. I’ll tell mine, sit down and listen. Her eyes darkly glistened. I’m listening, you’re not making any sense. You’re not giving me any chances for self defense. It’s not me, the villain in the story, or is it? Villainized, traumatized, whispered about, internalized, hated and despised, written and then revised. Anything but forgotten.

I think if I jump in the pool fully clothed with my arm bandaged, that I might sink like a stone. I think I might start breathing underwater, grow fins. I still won’t be able to swim, one-armed, remember?

It was about my father, and it was about my mother. It was about my brothers, and it was about my sisters. I’ve never written about you, childless orphan.

Forgiveness, not looking back. Forgetfulness weaponized, pens and pencils and papers and instruments and voices and sounds and pictures and photographs and paintings. Rewriting in process, do not disturb.

Writer’s block. I don’t know him, or her. Who’s doing the blocking? Move, witch, get out of the way.

You almost set the house on fire, and it doesn’t even smell good. What were you trying to create now? Is the world a science experiment to you, all of us mere subjects? It smells terrible, and whatever happened to my candle-making supplies? Oh, right, I got rid of them all, oops.

Marriage is a sacred vow. Someone said that to me once, look at all the things you start and abandon, you can’t do that when you sign that contract. Goddamn, that sounds tough, forever binding. He can’t even read, I think. All they talk about are tv shows and things they’ll let me do, allow me to do. I haven’t fully lost it, brother. I regain my freedom, retain my stadium rights. Which one did I cook for you? Why, none of them. Who do you think you are, cook for you. Good one. We’ll both starve, take it or leave it. *