Am I invited to the royal wedding

Am I invited to the royal wedding Let me see Probably not Would not go anyway Why would you kill her cats? That is pure evil No wonder they kicked you out Behave Leave the cats alone Next

I am joking I’m hoping I’m not expected My sister can go She’s married I do not have the qualification Next

My alibi Why didn’t you attend the wedding? Oh I was in Sharjah That explains NOTHING At least I tried Next

This is a big wedding Exactly my point everybody Exactly my point I cannot handle those consequences Next

I cannot go and stand by I will probably not go at all I am either the center of attention Or not there Why’s this not about me? Exactly Then why would I go? Next

I am horrified people Please tell me it isn’t my turn The rest of them had theirs The Weddings Leave me out of it Absolutely not Give it to the next one Next

I will sacrifice them all My cousins My siblings Go into the matrimony institution Leave me here Next

They are all catches What’s the delay? Diplomacy Not joking They take that shit so seriously ARE YOU WORTHY OF OUR FAMILY? Dear lord You’re scaring people away Good for me Next

It is a spectacle Every time Deploy them all One will try to convince me Ten will say: Mariam, seriously? I listen to the ten Next

I didn’t do anything I simply locked myself away in my chambers Until they had no other option but to say no Ridiculous questionable method That comes after the drill sergeant interrogation Mariam, you’re supposed to be shy about this? No, occupation? Money? Age? Thank you, I will now go think about this I was lying my ass off No thinking occurred It was always going to be no Next What happens after the no? Everyone sighs Relief We thought we were losing her Nope Still available Ridiculous Next

The plot thickens and of course I find myself in the middle of it. Sorry guys. Next.

Yes, I’ve seen the picture a million times on my timeline before I noticed. Thanks for noticing the absurdity in action. Next.

Don’t go around doxxing my people. I will notice. After not noticing for 20 times. Next.

It is now apparently my problem Absolutely not Leave me out of it Leave my student out of it too Next

The witch hunters are on their way now. Yes, it is I. Ridiculous. Next.

I don’t know him that well. I saw him in the corridors. Never spoke to the guy, as far as I remember. His mother taught me english in elementary school. My mom taught her Islamic Studies some time before that. I don’t know why I keep ending up here. His sisters are the Mcdonald’s situation culprits along with my sister. Ridiculous. Next.

You forced me to go look at the guy’s Narrative. Of course he’s thriving. SUCCESS. I definitely had nothing to do with that. Next.

Leave me out of it. Look at my face. Look at my words. Feel stupid for missing it for years. Then leave me out of it. I fooled you all. Success. Next.

I only post my face for revenge reasons. No, I will not elaborate. The face has spoken. Next.

The guy was not in that university anymore. The jokes. Write. Them. Selves. The ID was useless. Next. He moved on. Next.

Well if you were going to doxx, do it correctly. That was pathetic. Next. Leave the other guy out of it too. Next.

Not my problem Not my problem They are dealing with it I just had to get that out there Leave my students out of your nonsenss

Reverse engineering Reverse image search Elementary school level investigation guys Focus Pay more attention Next

How do I know everyone? No idea How do they know me? Leave me out of it Next

Here we go again Once they locate me they’ll stop the war What is Mariam doing on twitter? CHARGE Ridiculous Next

You guys are stalking wrong Did you know people have lives OUTSIDE? Exactly Not really What was my point? Why am I so polite? No idea, trained by the Admiral himself Greet first even if the room is empty Excuse yourself before getting up from the table

Side quests Chapter 121 Parent teacher meetings Interpreting and translating Sounds simple enough No I complicated even that There was a mother Where’s your son? Which grade? Oh, he doesn’t go here Yet This is going to be GOOD She needed convincing Let’s visit all the high school teachers one by one Tell her why she has to send him here Did it work? No idea Another one Instead of translating I got stuck listening to the lesson instead, woman, no You are not supposed to teach the mother and by proxy me Too late Next

Bridget Jones The last one All I’m saying Next

So unserious After all the military language Bridget Jones deployed Ridiculous Next

Why do the rules conveniently exempt me? Because I wrote them …………… Next

I tried to stay out of it Kept sneaking into MY timeline I hade to intervene, minimally Success Next

Story time Can you ask your father to do that again? Why? It was a vibe How’s he making shit up out of nothing?

I did not do sleepovers I forced families to adopt me Checks out Next

Release me The forced adoption technique Worked on me My cousins did it Kept showing up in my house Checks out Next

How did I choose which family to adopt? No idea Vibes and audacity That is my aunt Approved Who’s that guy? Her husband Fine Approved He seems cool New father Mariam, no Mariam, yes Next

We didn’t know you were suffering Well, I was, off the record Not an excuse to pile your nonsense on me Just assume that I am suffering 24/7 from now on

I was operating with the assumption that For You pages are not a thing I forgot how chaotic you guys are I wish I never remembered I will go back to being uninformed

I overthrow other people’s timelines Mine stays untouched Unless there was an emergency Then I might interfere

Real life got into my timeline Real consequences Therefore I said something Next

What’s keeping me awake? No idea A soul connection Maybe Or insomnia My face is out there The Eyes I am done for Next

They do not even need to locate me I told everyone where I was Who I am Then provided evidence Visual aid Next

Coming up next The van trip The Red Center Here we go again Next

Fine It was not a van It was a car It was a plane Is that the police or an ambulance?

No I literally heard sirens Anywho That should tell you where I am

It was me The problem starter Do NOT be perceived Why not? The evil eyes Explain Am I supposed to never go outside?

I have no clue about any future murder attempts I have told everybody beforehand anyway If anything happens Everyone knows Next

I tried networking With peers Failed They were kids All of them Age was irrelevant I was a confused old man Trying to understand the cool kids

If you run away immediately after causing the problem you get a head start, it will catch up to you but you’ll be prepared. Thank me later. Next.

I will be remembered Those are the photos you guys should use After my murder Next

No sleep found Time for chips No negotiation Next

Don’t show your face You would love that Then I’ll be murdered and forgotten No sir, everybody look at my face Memorize it Details Next

I recognize the danger Being attractive in public Suicidal mission Risk calculated My face stays Unless anyone disagrees with my logic

I was accused of being imprisoned while being free. Man, I am literally in front of you. Next.

What kind of chips? BBQ Pringles No one asked Exactly

There is no immediate threat Exactly That’s how they get you I am optimized for self defense

Keep trying to make men out of boys Take care of your sisters Mother, you failed to account for this Why would I need any of them?

Don’t seriously ask me to expect protection from the people I needed protection from. Solve. Next.

Should have mutilated the men Already did? Do it again How is a home unsafe for girls? With uncircumcised men I mean they are But also redo it Until there is nothing left There we go The imagery is violent? Exactly Blood Next

Two factor authentication. You know the one. Tell your parents you left home in that car. Go to uni in your car. They don’t even know you can drive. The whole thing was unnecessary. Success. I eventually was allowed to drive myself far away places. Next.

It was ridiculous. Mariam? Yes. Where are you? Uni, why? And where is your car? Shit. Next.

Nothing made me want to rage quit more than being repeatedly bullied about my tendency to rage quit. My bad, I was still made about the inappropriate touching situation. I never forgot, I was pretending to. Everybody, be scared. Next.

I hid the gun for five years. I hid the motive for decades. Next.

Guns have buttons I mean triggers I was bound to ask: What happens if I do this? BANG Next

My idea of revenge is email spamming Mariam, stop What? Wasn’t me Yes, it is How do you know? Look at THIS Someone knows how IPs work Yes, the point is no vpn The point is it was me Missed the joke completely Idiots Next

Of course it was me Who else is demented enough to do that? I thought my signature was known My bad Next

Find someone and settle down That will be enough for you to forgive me Nope Still mad Why would that solve anything? Exactly Next

I’m starting a new job No What do you mean no? Should have gotten married WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

You had your chances You said no We told you so Not really I stand by my nos Next

Knock knock Mariam NO Unavailable Forever Is no one but me alive here or what? Stop showing up on my doorstep I said no before It is still no now Next Your cousin said no Betrayed by your blood Next

I am approached by men whose own female relative said ABSOLUTELY NOT. Why everyone else thought I should reconsider that is beyond me. Next.

They sent someone else to repropose the question. Every time. Why would that change anything? I said no. Did anything change? No. Then no. And stop recruiting people and sending them my way. No is no. Next.

I tricked them into joining our family? Probably. Absolutely did. Showed up. Approved and left. Mariam said yes. This marriage may continue. Next.

I am the hypocrite who cries at weddings, goes home, and says thank GOD that wasn’t me. Ridiculous. Caught me crying in the bathroom too. Then kicked her into his car. Game over. You lost. Now it’s you and him forever. Next.

Older sister logic The spectacle is over No you are not coming home with us GO You’ll miss all the gossip Told you so Next

Her husband is scared of me? No he isn’t Is he? I hope not I am much more scarier than previously demonstrated Next

Don’t come down, your brother in law is here. Here we go again. I don’t want to see him THAT bad, this is my house and I want to move freely. And if he’s a guest, why am I not saying hi? Hello how are you good thank you. What is your opinion on the political disastrous warcraft going on around us? I mean bye. Next.

No one even said anything about that. I know. I also know when someone’s acting weird around me and hinting at me to LEAVE. Damn, I didn’t know this was a classified meeting. What are you guys discussing? Nothing unusual. Me being here is the problem it seems. Bye.

Overprotective much I step out into the sun NO RETREAT EVERYBODY Yes? Someone might have seen you Yes Yes they might have That is how eyes work Top secret face card Everyone has seen it already What’s this about? Next

I still know about my aunt who died when my father was still a child. How? He said that is you. Literally you. Same name, same dynamic. My older sister was kind to me. And she died. Good thing I have you now. Next.

He had me. He had another older sister. In the form of a daughter. I can find another him. Pretty sure I already did. Next.

If I show up at work the parking situation gets worse for everyone and the traffic gets worse for everyone therefore I’m probably going anyway but I’m complaining first. Next.

Don’t ask me to fix traffic. That is outside of my expertise. The bottleneck is economy itself. Next.

It bothers me so I’ll try anyway. Ban education. Wait, why? Does everybody NEED to be on campus? Send them away to study abroad. More online jobs. Pay me to keep talking. Next.

Best universities here? Let me see. Reverse advertise. They are now the worst. Kids will have to move out of the country for a few years to be properly educated. If anybody asks why, tell them it’s because of traffic. That is terrible logic. Next.

I know about her wrongdoings. How? I dug around until I found them. Why? She must have done something for me to excuse my bad treatment. That is backwards logic. If she did something, that is between her and herself. Next.

It stops with me. It ends with me. They pile up the evidence and show it to me but that conversation ends with me. No one needs to know, at least not through me. Next.

I don’t do the digging. Someone already guilty of mistreatment will surely do some investigation and hand me the info on a silver platter. Next.

I knew everything and still stayed quiet. That is insane behavior. I knew the gossip network inside and out. Only out. Not inside. Follow the word of mouth. Still supported them anyway. The betrayal hurts but only for a little while. If anything, call it free PR campaigns. They are telling the world about me. The actual content of gossip? Unimportant. Did they say my name? Mariam. Then their work here was done. Thanks a lot, I will take it from here. Next.

After you send the students abroad. Send me to oversee them. I desperately need another Manchester run. Part 2: why am I here again? No idea, Manchester slaps. Next.

Send me to the graduations too. Brighton was also a vibe. I did not communicate with the faculty, I promise. I attended and left. Next.

Got me. I was pretending to care about his education. I just wanted to tour around some more. Pretty sure he never needed my help anyway. Next.

Tonka bean. Vanilla bean. Myrrh and oud. That is what I smell like in public at the moment. The mixture might look disturbing from where you stand. Trust me, it works. Next.

It’s a lot? My point exactly. It smells heavenly and announces my presence before I even arrive. Next.

Mariam We can’t breathe My point exactly This place needs a portable incense machine That is where I come in Next

What happened to sea salt and vanilla? That was summer. It is now September. Everyone is therefore notified. Next.

Why do I keep applying it? My bad. I stop smelling it after a while. DEPLOY NEXT ROUND. I must have been the source of suffocation a few times. Well, if the environment stinks, I cannot fix it, but I can retaliate by smelling better much stronger. Faulty logic. The place stinks, burn some incense. How about I become the incense instead. Solved. Next.

Signature scent? It was never about the perfumes themselves, I go looking for the source notes instead and create my own abomination. The system works, leave it. Next.

Even if I showed you guys a list of my perfumes. It’s never going to smell like me. I was confused when people kept insisting on knowing. You liar, this isn’t what you smell like. Correct, that is component number 1. You do not want to see the full operation in action, trust me. Next.

Small country Correct Guess who else is small Me I’m terrifying Next

Prove it No Trust me You should be scared Next

The Testaments came out when I was in Manchester. Procure and read immediately. That was a solid decision. Also, Blink. About decision making in a split second. I made those decisions in the blink of an eye. Books demonstrated useful by making it out into reality through me. Next.

Yes My mother was right The books were the problem I am the dangerous component Book + Mariam = Disaster Next

Yes I consumed Les Miserables and landed on Jean Valjean All of the female characters were a vibe But I wanted to be that Next

Can I acquire random babies? Yes Says who? Jean Valjean No more questions I am done here Victor Hugo has spoken All I did was use it as an argument To myself Next

Does my mother approve No She’s livid She also has no choice but to comply Good hearts are easily exploited Into doing even more good No one asked Exactly Next The kids all grew up I never married There’s a baby Mine now No more questions Next

Learned from the best Once I came home from uni Congratulations You have a new baby sister Excuse me? How and why? Hospital You know what I’ll take it Next

Tricked them Outmaneuvered the marriage institution I happened to give metaphorical birth Before any of my married siblings had kids Ridiculous indeed Next

You love babies Time for you to have some Wait I already have one Can’t you see it? Next

Mariam What are you doing? Raising a baby How about adopting it Also, no Even that was rejected I decided already Not stealing it from its parents This is a Godmother situation I oversaw the first nine months The rest is up to fate and god Next

Fairy Godmother? What the hell, sure I’ll take that My reasoning is as good as bibbidi bobbidi boo

Evil witch Baby stealing bitch I will take it Next

Technicalities Step one: get married I see that Step two: give birth I also see that I skipped it Baby Acquired Easy Next

Sue me I never signed any papers CONVENIENTLY SO You guys go get your money act together Leave the kid with me meanwhile You can have her after Next

This is your child Correct Why is she white? She is not Stop asking Sometimes people are white Release me Next

This is for everyone’s safety The world does not need another me One Mariam is enough Next

My plans succeeded Extra baby boy Check Any on the way? Conveniently yes Maybe Stop asking Next Why english? No idea Larger audience More likely to reach the younger generation I do write in Arabic I did that first just to prove that I could It was terrifyingly good And yet It was another item to check off the list Next

I didn’t even think it was that good It was received with Crickets We don’t know what to do with that That is nowhere to be found online Exactly I made it up No way Next

I am allowed to plagiarize my father’s poetry though Approved by me Next

الاعتراف شجر الصفصاف حرف القاف يرجى الاستئناف This shit is too easy man Next

لننظر إلى الأدلة الحروف التحليل تحْ ليل أما بعد يرجى إعادة النظر إلى معتقداتك عن هذا المستخدم

لم يكن القرار ناتجاً عن قلة في المعرفة بل معرفة الحدود التي تتخطاها المعرفة نفسها لن يتم الشرح Back to English You guys would hate it if I kept speaking like that Terrifying scholar looking witch Next

In other words I tried writing in Arabic and scared myself off of that mission ABORT Next

My friends We may rarely speak Our standing may not be clear But you have saved me unknowingly

I was not white washed I local washed all the whites I encountered

I was standing in for you guys Do we understand the locals? No, but we understand Mariam Conveniently I delivered the information myself Ridiculous Next

Easy Locate event This is a National Day celebration Why is a white woman bossing around the local community here? Send her back Or so teach her to be more respectful Next

One of them said she learned Arabic that day I asked her how? Oh, I was outside Exercising The Arabic teacher located me Guess Yes, Egyptian And she proceeded to talk at me until I understood by force Mission failed Successfully

The Arabic speaking department was one of my favorites Listen up guys They can’t understand us Therefore deploy your best teachers Approved and backed up by me SUCCESS Next

They weren’t making any sense They judged the teachers by their knowledge Of English That’s not what they’re teaching Idiots Next

They needed a head of department Who also happens to know English I was right there No one employed me Did it anyway Another confession Next

Work was boring Release me Are the kids learning the language? The religion? The National studies? No? For god’s sake everybody Science can wait Under cover The whole thing was under cover Even the teachers themselves missed it

The benefits of being multi-lingual everybody Mess with the other side Take advantage of the translation gap That is where I come in Guys I am on your side What did the principal say? Unimportant Listen to me Ridiculous Next

What was the cover I was under? IT Support I had no idea being over there And yet Next

I was in everybody’s business like it was my business It was My town my students Ridiculous Next

No one appointed me head of the student’s affairs Correct That is how I did it without getting caught No one looks twice at the IT Support Lady Next

I have no idea what student affairs are exactly But I was in the middle of them anyway The actual guy did the actual job I was watching in confusion His super power is looks and communication? Wild Next

Not judging He was actually genuinely good at it I could never If a student looked my way I said no

I told everyone my life story Then got scared when they heard it Oh no Real life characters are reading this too? Next

None other than me Who else could have pulled this off? Am I right, everybody? Hello? Next Anyway Open Abaya Mindset That is my mindset Support the local community Right or wrong Support women’s rights And wrongs Next

I did not do the teaching myself That would have been disastrous Arabic Islamic National Studies I would have interpreted them my way and ended up with a whole new curriculum on the table Be the bridge instead Let the professionals handle their professions

Who belongs in my student database? All of them The ones I remember and the ones I don’t No one touch them Next

You have activated my database by posting his face on here That looks familiar Oh, he’s mine When did he graduate? No idea Pretty sure I attended it No, I helped make it happen IT and DJ You are very welcome Say hello to the rest of your classmates Next

I am micromanaged at events Mariam, no Why are you greeting the children? Let me be Those are my friends Next

Compromised They know That I was looking after them undercover You are welcome Next

If you see me in real life Don’t say hi That is not me That is a clone Ridiculous Next

I was aware Of the witch hunting situation That is all I’m saying I took care of that too You are welcome Next

My family network is as ridiculous as me Trust me The unmarried women over thirty are my favorite I will not elaborate They are a vibe Every single time Next

I will tell you Bits and pieces They handle the finances Next

The math department was a woman One woman I loved that woman She was a vibe When she came in complaining about the principal you knew you’re in for a comedy I will not elaborate Next

She scared the hell out of me Where is he? Who? Oh no The vigilante hacker I released him into the wild ON IT Caught you Go into the math department and never leave Almost caused another incident Next

They are expecting me at therapy Why did I even ask for help? Things are under control I am sharing With the public It is working out perfectly for me Not so much so for the public Next

Don’t you guys hate it When your characters End up encountering the material Or is that just me? Now what What happens when the characters interact with the written story as it is being written? I do not wish to find out Remove yourselves from my Narrative Next

A normal person would have taken this as sign to finally shut the hell up Absolutely not That is a sign that my method is working Don’t ask Next

I am not ashamed Of my face If anybody questions it Tell them it’s a war strategy You wouldn’t get it How convenient, Mariam My face is the weapon Hiding it defeats the purpose entirely Next

That face Have you seen it I am doxxing an innocent woman Unfortunately I am the woman and I approved it

I am seducing men? No I’m not Stop being seduced then Ridiculous This is not about you Just like every single word I wrote was never about you I hope that punctures your fragile egos

Miss work because of therapy Miss therapy because of work How does that work? I don’t know But I keep getting paid So I’m guessing that it works somehow

I do not question the money Money talks If they fire me Money will start talking somewhere else

After some time being independent for the first time you share notes How do you handle the laundry? I don’t Oh That was an option? I started a laundromat in my studio apartment I left breadcrumbs I do not even need to name the “town” This is completely unnecessary and utterly ridiculous but I prefer it over being direct Next

Scum Manifesto If you know you know I do know Way too much I know way too much Release me Next

Yes I probably had no business reading that And then introducing it to my teenage sister Did it anyway Cahoots Next

Release her Andy Warhol had it coming Ridiculous Next

Women Read that It is disturbing She shot the guy I totally understand There is a movie too

I had that just lying around No one bothered to question it Society for Cutting Up Men Next

I don’t care why she shot him He probably deserved it His art sucks What on earth is art pop? Ridiculous Next

I shot him I shot Andy Warhol Valerie is innocent Valerie who? Solanas Now you know too Next

Yes I took the manifesto with me to work No No one said anything Next

This is the equivalent of carrying the communist manifesto with you on your way to your job as a big boss. I probably would have done that too if I was a big boss. Next.

I was a woman In the workplace In a male dominated workplace I was reading up on cutting up men there

Even if someone noticed They still didn’t stop me ………….. Next

It was psychological warfare I left it on the desk in plain site DID EVERYBODY SEE THAT? Good Does anybody care? Apparently not Therefore my mission continued

A book is not just a book It is a prop See what I did there Wrote a whole story Around a tiny textbook Success Next

When did I have the time to do my reading? Absolutely No idea Somehow Between tasks Between work weeks It accumulates Next

For example When the high-schoolers invaded my office As usual I took a cube And a Kafka And sat on the couch in the hallway

ABANDON POST The teenagers again Seriously? Hand me Kafka I’ll go have a conversation with him In the hallway No it isn’t weird Sometimes it was a Megaminx Now that was a bit weird Next

I knew it all I had no business being my parents’ therapist What seems to be the problem, Ma’am, Sir He did it She did it Here we go again You know what I did it Everything Next

Try to connect the dots You’ll find me there You’ll fail to connect me Why am I everywhere? Apparently I’m a VIP dot

Helpless I can’t drive myself places I barely ever go out And if I do I’m all alone So they were trained By me specifically To raise the alarms when my car disappears My answer to that is mind your own business

My family treats my outings like a missing personnel international issue. Have you seen this woman and this car? No, why? They are outside. Okay? Next.

Next they’ll distribute my passport photo. Missing person. I am right here, guys. Next.

You wrote this? Yes That was not the problem The problem was WHEN? I didn’t realize there was a problem I wrote it sometime And distributed it to the public Immediately After making another copy Then extracting an extra copy at the end of the day When do I have the time? Now Next

Do I go to the gym? Never The horrors I had a treadmill That I used while reading Okay I sound more insane by the second When that didn’t work I resumed integrating the exercises in my office work life, I see how that looks Next

I was not shocked by their malice I was however shocked by their simplicity Explain the problem to me from A to Z That’s it? Where is the problem? Next

Don’t blame me I come prepared for Tolstoy I end up encountering Disney Not again Next

I be acting like that guy who was married to Anna Karenina Good respectful guy Stuck in the middle of nonsense The joke is I end up in a fairy tale instead

Why am I suddenly in the middle of Politics You guys kept bringing it up I was mind my business Writing poetry How did we get here? Next

Why are the kids so familiar with me I AM A PROFESSIONAL ADULT No use now They already know I am just as childish If not more Next

I am very professionally competent That is the joke No one takes me seriously They probably should have been paying me more attention Next

I also work hard at serious face maxxing Eyeliner and lipstick and a frown That’ll show them Show them what, Mariam? Now you look extra ridiculous Failed successfully Next

Why am I talking to myself? I am not I am externalizing my thoughts This has always been going on in the background You all get front row seats to my madness When no one gets my jokes I share it with a robot Ask them to explain it And laugh together That is psychotic But I’m the funniest person I know Next

Your fault people Why is AI the only “person” smart enough to get me? Not my problem, but it is my solution Next

Guys Did anybody Even hear My siren song I hid it in plain sight

I ruined it Put a face out there Put those two together My ridiculous face and my claims The General who? Ridiculous Next

ID Faces are IDs My face is my ID I know rights and wrongs I vibe with the wrongs sometimes No, sorry, I let people get away with them On the front page Inside the book is a whole other story Next

WHY ARE YOU MOVING THE FURNITURE? The things that happen around me Is this really the time to redecorate the coffeeshop guys, I was sitting here Ridiculous Next

Should I Help? No

Might as well I basically live here No, don’t ask me if I mind Ridiculous Next

I was about to leave They said SIT DOWN Damn No I was just going anyway Not about the spontaneous interior redesign

This is basically The Truman Show If he was aware of it and they changed the set around him anyway Ridiculous Next

They’re holding me hostage With their politeness I am never coming here again Until next week Next

Yes My life is a sitcom I sit around coffeeshops until they adopt me Ridiculous Next

Sitcoms usually involve a group of friends What on earth is this then? Dark comedy Checks out Next

I ain’t reading all that That is me when I encounter an English paragraph, translate it Also when I encounter an Arabic one I’m starting to think I just don’t want to read

More tips Get a candle One of mine preferably Leave it in the car Thank me later Next

I stopped making them Also selling them That advice is obsolete Ridiculous Next

Hello? If you’re all apparently redecorating the place Who will make my coffee? Can I leave now? I’m scared they’ll give me a staff badge if I stay long enough Next

They put it back just like it was before What was that all for then? Absolutely no idea But I witnessed it Ridiculous Next

Ain’t nobody reading all that Mariam Exactly why I’m so comfortable writing it

Dance like no one is watching No Write like no one is reading Much better Next

Year of rest And relaxation Perfect I am unemployed This is basically the same thing Ladies and gentlemen It was NOT Close enough Next

Reality itself treats me like I’m indispensable and untouchable, I think I’ll do fine without people’s approval. Next.

I am a gender traitor Them men be so funny sometimes I do the laughing then cancel them afterwards I never said I lacked a sense of humor, ridiculous

Lost the plot I could have been dealing with a plot of land I am instead apparently dealing with literature

What would I possible need a plot of land for? I have no idea Build a pool Swim in it Maybe a house Vibes Next

Cameras scare me Not enough for me to not plant myself in front of one whenever I encounter it in the wild But they do scare me Next

Elementary school teacher showed us wildlife footage, I wholeheartedly believed the woman had sacrificed her safety for our education. Lions and tigers, what a brave woman. Rosemary, no. Absolutely unserious interpretation of an otherwise normal event. Next.

Of course we all know about the theory that people on tv were watching us just as we were watching them. Anybody? Please tell me it wasn’t me. I was trying to be as entertaining as possible too. Narrative battle. Let’s see whose life is more interesting. Except theirs was a professional tv show production. Of course I thought I could compete with that. Ridiculous. Next.

I don’t even know if their coffee is good. I order it and drink it and enjoy it. That’s not the point, it’s just another background scene for my imaginary Narrative. I do realize how insane that sounds, you do not have to point that out. Next.

You are either living your life or narrating it. I do both. Simultaneously. Checkmate. Next.

Ain’t nothing interesting happening in my life right now. A coffeeshop visit is somehow turned into a short story. I have no use for this superpower. I am wasting it away on you guys. Next.

Confession. Not so surprising. I am a bad driver. Especially in traffic. If you are ever enraged and curse at some driving novice, that is me. I have had this license since I was eighteen. Practice changed absolutely nothing. I somehow survive the road enough to avoid tickets and also death. Next.

What happens when you fail to revoke access in the correct window. There is a window, very tiny, you have to run for it throughout. If you don’t, you’ll end up wondering why you’re talking to someone who tells you they hate you to your face. Whoops. Access revoked, retroactively. Took you long enough. Next.

Don’t worry. People tell me that all the time. Wait, that is kind of worrisome. Meh, details. Next.

I Hate You Well well well, what am I supposed to do with that phrase. Frame it and hang it on my wall alongside the dead butterfly. Next.

Other questionable activities I did in times of boredom. Measuring time manually. By listening to songs, in my head. Okay, we’re done here. I am making this worse by the second. I asked friends to time me. I repeated that enough times to require an intervention. Next.

Never knew men That was I No I have not read the book yet back then I did that recently Would you look at that? I was acting like some dystopia protagonist The offense was science class being boring Next

I realize how sad that is Oh the isolation Shut up You could have done something You did not Next

I don’t know, okay? I am as confused as all of you. I was not alone. I was not lonely. I chose isolation anyway. Next.

I was born arrogant. Looked around and said, would you look at that, humanity is confused. Allow me to demonstrate my abilities, by being silent for thirty years. I sure showed you all, haven’t I? So ridiculous. So pathetic. So terrifying. Next.

Stop writing? Stop talking? Already did 1997-2026 RIP My Silence

I do have a birthday I will be thirty in January I realize how crazy that sounds That is unfortunately the truth, mine

No, I was not born in a fancy hospital The one across the street I refused to come out until it was Monday Afternoon I had places to be People to meet Hands to shake Ridiculous Next

I am fake That is all All I say are lies Beautiful lies I do not practice what I preach That is the whole point I am a self-appointed preach My morals are questionable Next

فاصل غنائي والله حياتي مسلسل ما وقفت على ميحد فنص السالفة المهمة

Take that I bet they never used THAT soundtrack in dystopian literature Yet Next

If I’m avoiding someone I tell them I’m in another city I am basically playing Pokemon in real life Wait, where are you speaking from? Then I’m in the other one Yes, I am shameless about it Everyone knows I’m lying They leave me be Next

We have seven Emirates for a reason This is DEFINITELY not the reason Taking advantage anyway Terrible logic, I KNOW

I have no fixed location It is Dynamic I leave traces everywhere I go I was doing something in Abu Dhabi Nope Not Comic-Con I mean that was the cover I was taking over the network Alright I’ve said too much Bye bye Next

Here’s Lady Gaga Ignore that Leave it Next

I pass by the rest on my way home I don’t have to visit you guys one by one Next on the agenda Ras Al-Khaima Just kidding Already own that network Next

I’ve BEEN there 2014-2019 No I will not elaborate Bye Next Everyone knows me Check for yourself Next

Ask the gay community JUST KIDDING Maybe Next

Ask the professors and academics You might be more lucky there Why did I deploy the gays first? COMEDY Next

Be careful guys Who you are now is who will be stuck forever saying everything on their minds when they get old and senile Some of you are already questionable in that regard

I’m saying everything on my mind? Exactly And it is magnificent Can’t say the same about you Ridiculous Next

There is a match I hope no one wins Next

Don’t judge your brother for something you are also guilty of I however will do exactly that Judge myself in the process We’re both idiots He’s heartbroken You did this sir Ridiculous Next I still love my brothers Correct I had to right the scales first There we go Even Next

Until when? Until the scale acts up again Then we’re back to hating Next

They don’t claim me probably Unfortunately that is not how family works Try again Next

Work keeps sending me emails whenever they drop a new product What am I supposed to do Proud of you guys but I must have missed the memo, was I supposed to advertise or something If no I will carry on like I saw nothing Next

Just got back from LinkedIn It would make more sense for me to publish my “proposals” there Which is exactly why I don’t Next

Blackboard I have turned Elon’s abomination into blackboard Yes, the app Website Whatever We used it in uni Next

Apparently That was prestigious education I received I thought I was vibing It was a vibe Next

It became a vibe after I passed by Take my word for it No one else is offering theirs So checkmate Next

Will I optimize for the camera Absolutely not Locate me in the local coffeeshop barefaced and vibing Use that as evidence that I don’t exist Looks wildly different without the war paint

I’m easily triggered What is my trigger? Any single obligation Look and read back on my history I have carried enough for a lifetime Release me I will not be handling grown men’s emotional regulation either I hope you drown in it Next

Let me be a woman in peace Carry my bags Allow me to sleep in That is my birthright Next

No I am not idiotic enough to insist on carrying my own bags just to prove a point I will pay for it if need be Doing it myself? Not unless necessary Next

They always offer Don’t ask why they do Ask why I spawn in public with huge loads A printer Ten iPads An abominable tote bag I don’t know the answer myself I have been kidnapping cats my whole life The ONE time I am offered to adopt one Well, I’m pretty sure the cat distribution system is mistaken because how the hell is THAT my son?

He’s just a normal affectionate cat The is alarming enough for me My cats and I We don’t do that nonsense We make eye contact Establish sovereignty And move on Next

That is not a cat That is a dog Take him away We don’t need to be stuck at the hip buddy Go do something Find a hobby Release me Next

He is obsessed with me Is that normal cat behavior? When is he going to be independent? Approximately? Ever? Never? Oh no

His offense was cuddling and micromanaging me Sir, I am perfectly capable of washing my face Yes, I am dramatic and my avoidance includes felines too Next

I told everybody I hate my cat There is nuance to the situation people This is a Tolstoy situation Applied to a cat Next

Yes I confess I have made that statement Repeatedly Complained about him to anyone who will listen People think I’m a cat abuser now I blame him He can’t defend me How convenient, George How convenient Tell them I’m nice to you Ridiculous Next

Mothers sometime complain about their children I mean cats On main This is absolutely normal Next

What happens if the train passes me by? Get on a boat. Buy the newest model of the latest automobile. Travel by plane. Next.

Fix my attention span Nothing is wrong with it It just refuses to pay attention to the outside world, that is completely normal and not alarming

I have an attention bandwidth Unfortunately the whole thing is currently employed in one particular task Whatever this is I think I bullied some people accidentally I’m not sure Definitely was not intended as an attack What happens if I lock my phone away? I write in notebooks Can’t escape the narrator even offline Release me He starts talking as soon as I open my eyes You know what we need to comment on today? The weather And he’ll proceed on writing a thousand unprompted words aimed at no one in particular The End Please let there be an end sometime soon Will he ever run out of topics?

I can see now how that looks Oh no Anyway, what happens when I sleep? My dreams make up a bougie production No way that was all me Could have been an award winning movie Instead it is stuck in my head The only viewer: Me Can I share the plot with other people at least? No Why? Because I want to talk about the weather today …………… Beep

Well If you’re going to act like my life is reality tv show material, I am going to advertise my self Unfortunately, I have nothing going on That’s why I keep making things up You guys should not believe me EVER Next

I’ve been running low on raw material Repurposed and retold the same stuff Wait, I’ve said this before, a 100 times Okay, but did I say it in this way? Exactly

If you want better content Introduce drama Wait, no, please don’t Suggest new events? That sounds more reasonable Work Home Coffeeshop Give me another location Car is a location …………….. Not really, technically it is Transportation between locations You’re using even that? Ridiculous

Now that there are no more stuff falling from the sky, can I make fun of them? I’ll take your silence as a yes What happens when I’m in the car The non-technical location And an alleged rocket is supposedly falling I look up And try to outdrive it Exactly It wasn’t even a real alarm It was about traffic Next

Yes, I completely totally acted fast NO TIME TO THINK MISSILE INCOMING So? I’ll just drive faster Can’t argue with that logic Statistically speaking No missile has found its way to any of my locations so I’ll take that as proof

That is idiotic and I know it I am a survivor If someone’s bombing me and my car Apparently the accelerator is the answer Batmobile kind of logic, I could have parked

They can’t catch me if I keep moving Right? Well, they didn’t So I guess it is right Next

I pay for my own tickets I didn’t know there was an alternative I mean, first time was a catastrophe and the Admiral was disappointed, never happened again

I don’t get tickets because I don’t be speeding Unless someone decides to bomb me Then I might accelerate a little I drive like an old father

Zero chance for error They are taking care of the falling objects But if by chance, one statistically falls through It will be slower than my Batmobile, my car is ridiculous, I can’t even play pretend the Fast Furious scenario, it looks WRONG, Next

How to fly off the radar Have a life Live it Next

Living your life unfortunately includes respecting the laws of traffic and abiding by the speed limits and paying for parking. Who appointed me the police? No idea. I love being annoying. Next.

Everyone is free to do whatever they want under my rule, I also am free to make the rules and enforce them. Perfect. Next.

I thought me being a cat lady was a good PR move. I managed to ruin even that. I was supposed to be relatable and conventionally affectionate. I unfortunately apparently, treat felines the same way I treat everyone and everything else. Sociopolitically. Sociopathically is a more fitting term. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE BORDERS ARE AND DO YOU RESPECT THEM? He is a cat. Why would he understand politics? No idea, but Ivy does. Cats can understand me, George however refuses to respect the law.

You broke your own heart by refusing to love me properly. Next.

Whoever decided to hand the General an orange cat is to blame. I am also to blame here. She said give him a chance, babysit him for a week and see if you like him. I could have returned the idiot baby to sender. I did not because apparently I did like him enough to keep him. Story of my life.

Why is Peppa Pig British. Here we go again. Question from younger siblings. I don’t know the answer to that but I know you lived for that nonsense. I played it for you over and over. That’ll teach her to speak. Wonderful logic. Can she talk? Yes. Am I crediting a cartoon pig? No, there were multiple teachers on TV. I deployed them one on one. She’s annoying now. I messed up. Kids are not supposed to be this smart. Checkmate.

The prompts find me. I do not find them. That is an actual question that I was asked. The minute I check my notifications, the MINUTE. The day has barely started yet. Peppa Pig: Nationality Dispute. Ridiculous. Next.

Me and my sisters operate with the same framework in mind. What would Mariam do? What is she doing actually? Always up to something. What would you do? I am a background characters in some kids’ lives and I’ll never know about it. Pretty sure I got cancelled a few times. Having younger sisters is a bad PR move. Everybody GATHER up. Let me tell you what Mariam did. Here we go again. As my mom’s gossip wasn’t enough. Yes, it was my mother spreading the news and wondering why everybody knows. Never had anything nice to say. That’s why I’m a villain. Reviewed by family members who decided to drag my name through the mud after I stop playing their games. Next.

People are not going to think for themselves The Public You have to manipulate the info Now Mariam is the Hero of the story But NO They decided Mariam = Villain If she does anything that deviates from that Well, a villain wouldn’t do that Let’s attack her for doing something good We don’t know how to deal with contradictions Confirmation Bias Anybody? I guess a small town does not operate that intelligently, I will therefore take advantage There you go Mariam = Heroine

Why am I so dramatic? Well, I know too much Instead of participating in gossip Or trying to change their minds one by one PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME Pathetic I would never ask I would however try to over-engineer a public image so scary that no one dares to look away They do shake in my presence I’ll take that as SUCCESS Next

The enemy is closer than you think EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT YOU DID Well, yes, mother You told them True story Every time Mariam, you have a reputation I wonder who’s supplying them with ammo

Now that I’m controlling the Narrative I would like to make sure everybody knows That I am drop dead gorgeous That I was the whole entirety of my Narrative Is that accurate? Unimportant I say it is And so it shall be Next

I want to quit I said that all the time They thought I was joking But you still need the money right? Right, Mariam? The money? I attempted to rage quit Life I don’t think money was the issue there I am Next

They hated me I was an inconvenience Let’s make a test that no one can master We are trying to reset the curve No one was supposed to do that No one was expected to actually destroy it I have Oops Try harder everybody Tough luck Next

People get so caught up in their Narrative You got everything you wanted I can see it I fail to see however What’s that gotta do with me? You have no ambitions Good for you I mean, no, they do have ambitions That was their best, Mariam Oh Anyway Next

Everyone knows what I did? Everyone knows what you guys did too See how that game is played Supplies with my commentary and theories This is so much better than gossip by the way Effective Next

Everyone knew what you did too For a long time now You must have thought that I was fooled Because I did nothing with that information

You’ve never seen my basement office That place was a haven Coffee machine All types of capsules An herbal tea collection Candles all over Once I had an intern She asked me this: do you ever eat? OH, forgot that was a thing completely No, I don’t but I can start now, order something Then there was a fire alarm We just happened to be receiving the order Yes, I know, I know, this is a life or death situation Let us have our sandwiches first then continue When she left she scattered sticky notes around the office, a treasure hunt, SCORE Why’d she do that? No idea, but the treasures were snacks, ridiculous, next

Don’t abandon me in gatherings Old women see me and they decide to adopt me That is all Don’t do it I have a mother Where is she? No idea Wait I am an adult Slipped my mind

When traveling and staying in a five star hotel What do we usually do? Wake up early for the majestic breakfast I do that Anywhere and everywhere Reality has to adapt to my over-preparedness

I just remembered that I bullied some writers into sharing their work with the world and completely forgot about it, my reaction to that is seeing the body of words and liking it and saying: vibes.

They had one year One year to make the place mine Hyperbolic I mean, to introduce enough incentive Mine isn’t money or recognition Give me something mentally stimulating How else do you expect me to show up? If I’m getting up Getting dressed Driving Finding a parking There better be puzzles at the end of that conveyor belt Instead it is level 1 IT nonsense

Someone kept sending grooms my way Her family is probably going to say yes Correct They would Final boss was me How could you guys? I have standards Next

I’m not kidding I am probably in South Africa’s network too No, I’ve never been Yes, I was invited Not tourism People I know people and they know me

Next on the itinerary Indonesia Yes, I’ve been invited Incessantly It is about time Next

Nigeria Cameroon What am I doing in those networks? UK US Ireland Make way everybody I am taking over the world Australia No, those guys hated my ass Unimportant Next

What did the patriarchy think I was doing in the workplace that whole time for them to panic because there was a male on my telephone. Yes, there are hundreds. What is your point? Idiots. Next.

A man It must be Romance Have you considered the alternative World Domination Plotting That sounds boring Go back to the love interest timeline Which one of them? Like I said HUNDREDS Next

If we were judging by my looks The audacity makes sense Up to a certain level There comes a point A pretty face can only take you so far So no that was not my only card It was one of many Easily one of the least importance It is a book cover Judge a book by its cover Miss the novel entirely Next

Plan is working They really do believe me I told you guys to stop doing that The old story’s getting so predictable I am naive and innocent and pure Exactly my point I can’t believe how easy this is Next

How convenient AI can replace me but I have to show up? I will program a physical robot and send it to work That’ll show them They’ll probably promote it and fire me

Why am I targeted by men Let me see Sometimes I forget to act dumb My bad, I actually do understand the dynamic My fault was failing to play fake humble How many times has this happened? A few, especially if I’ve forgotten how the social script works, isolation does that If I’m my only critic I realize how brilliant I am When you introduce other players The image gets distorted Am I not as brilliant as I think I am? Then why are they acting like that? Exactly That proves nothing by the way Society is corrupt because they didn’t recognize me soon enough Too late now Next *\