Mondays. Here we go again

Mondays. Here we go again. What was I like as an older sister who was angry at reality for introducing puberty? Unnecessarily violent. I was terribly impatient. Once she asked me a question, I don’t even remember what the question was. DEPLOY KICK IN THE HEAD. Mariam, why? Pretty sure you traumatized her. Number two, you did WHAT? Tasted the thing in the fridge. That is the fish transformation serum. You have until midnight until you are a fish. Say goodbye to your human life. Also, pretty sure I traumatized her. Where do I come up with it all? No idea. Locate the silliest premise and introduce it to reality. Ridiculous. Next.

Computer Science Architecture International Relations Me and my siblings are on it. Give us the world and we will change it. I already ruined telecommunication by being annoying and curious. Their move. Sister said she is building something in Senegal. I mean designing, whatever architects do. She showed me the mosque, that her professor made up. I said absolutely not, that is not a mosque, that is an abomination. Of course he doesn’t know anything about mosques. Is he trying to uncovert the people of Senegal one building at a time? Ridiculous. Next. I have no idea what my brother is up to but he’s probably definitely up to something. We’ll see. Next.

What did we do at home with zero entertainment? Nonsense. Dangerous operations. What could be the WORST mode of action here? Jump from the second floor, onto a couch. Done. Zero injury. My sister tried and got injured. Lost big sister points. Climb the stairs’ exterior. Done. Also could have died. Zero injury. Climb the furniture. Furniture collapses on us. Also somehow zero injury. Go to the roof. Sit on the edge. Why? No idea but take a picture while you’re on it. That was not a childhood, that was one suicidal mission after the other. Still here. Next.

Reviewing my past weekend decisions. It would have made more sense if I spawned in the book fair instead. For the Narrative. That is why I did not. Chose the one I wouldn’t normally pick to see where it would take me. I don’t have to be surrounded by books to produce more books anymore. A comical convention works the same. Book fairs are not necessary for my Narrative to continue. They were. They did their part. Next.

I am horrified because between tasks at work, my coworkers dropped bombs on my head and moved on like it was nothing. Did you know we’ve all been mutilated? Excuse me, what? Yes, our moms took us to the hospital when we were young and they cut up our genitals. I did not expect to hear that in the middle of a work day. What was I supposed to do with that information. Why are they joking about it? I wish I never knew that. Unhear it, unknow it. Next.

They said that in the same way one would say: we went on a family road trip. Apparently it was. EVERYBODY GET IN THE CAR. Whoops, got your genitals. Stop crying, here’s some ice cream. We’re going home now, you’ll thank me later. Horrifying. Next. My mode of action is this: Is anyone going to say anything? No? LISTEN UP EVERYBODY TOPIC OF THE DAY Female Genital Mutilation I hope everyone is uncomfortable. If God didn’t want me to do something with that information, he would not have introduced it to my Narrative. So here we go. Everyone’s Monday ruined. Great. Next.

Cats as babysitters. Black cat and a baby. That is how my nine month unemployment arc went. Whose baby’s this? Unimportant. Acquired. Nine in the morning, she is to show up here. Her mom goes to work? Perfect. 9. Everyday. It was better than coffee. Morning, BABY. I was up and moving. When the baby cried, the black cat went to check on it. Excuse me Ma’am, you are literally just a cat, what could you possibly know about human babies? Zero. WHY IS YOUR TOY CRYING? That’s not a doll, Ivy, human. Why’s the cat called Ivy? No idea. Poison Ivy probably. I did not name her. Sister’s cat. She did the crime. I drive her to the beach park to search for her orange cat, she emerged with a black baby. Perfect. Just what I needed. Let’s go home. Next.

My mom did it first. Felines spawn there, the beach park. Once she had enough, send the black cat away. No, not Ivy, this was way before the Ivy millennium. When she realized what she had done. Would you please drive me to the beach? My father complies, no questions asked. She is Meowing from a moving car, did anyone judge? No idea. Probably, that looks insane. Anyway, the cat comes running from miles away and gets in the vehicle like some retired employee waiting for the bus to take them home from their beach vacation. Ridiculous. Next.

I don’t even remember a period of time I was catless. That is unspeakable. If no cat, go into the wild and acquire one. They were cruel sometimes though. The cats disappear. Not really, someone decides it is time to get rid of them and drives them away. Never knew why. Did not even get to say goodbye. I hope they had a good life without me. Next.

Sometimes I would be late to work, and the idiot cat gets into the car with me. I have no time for this, Ivy, they are all counting on me. Hello? I have an emergency, cat thinks it’s human again. This isn’t a roadtrip, you do NOT want to know where I go every morning. Unspeakable place with zero cats. You would hate it. Now get the hell out of my car and let me go. Ridiculous. So nosy. Next.

Recruitment to the dark side. I mean Marriage. Mariam, check those rings. When you get married ask your husband for an extra one every anniversary. Oh, so like a puzzle. But if I do that every year I’ll run out of finger space. ………….. Okay, we’re done here. You’re a lost cause and you’ll die alone. Yeah PROBABLY, when you keep making up nonsense like that. What would I need a hundred rings for? The man will run and hide and go into a debt trying to afford that. Next.

What happens when there are connectivity issues at work. Keep in mind the IT background. Fix it myself. No, don’t do that. Use it as an excuse to not work. Perfect. Next.

Friends. Why do you have my father on your social media. Oh, that. He is a vibe. New connection acquired. Also, we are related. No, it is not weird unless you make it weird. I will befriend any of your fathers if they proved to be a Vibe. Next.

Old father. Why are you here? For the graduation. Standing in for my son. Why’s he not here. OH. Of course. The mother stabbing incident. That. The psychiatric hold. THAT. The one I designed a personal team’s channel for, that one. Made it possible for him to graduate. I did not teach him, I connected him to the teachers. The mother is fine. The father attended the graduation. The whole thing was absurd. I intervened. Next.

Sometimes it was simply, a trip abroad, for treatment. I did not investigate why or what they are getting treatment for. Something. Their education will not be put on hold. Not if I had anything to do with it. Small act. Big consequences. Next.

I don’t go around telling people what I did. Not out of humility, no. I forget it completely. Checks out. Next.

I rarely go on the For You page. That’s why I make sure I am way out of the loop. No, I will not change the system. It works. If I’m easily swayed by every new Narrative, no new nonsense will be generated from my part. Makes perfect sense to me. What are they doing over there? I could easily find out with a couple of clicks. I choose not to. Also, I did it and I’m now forever horrified. Why are women being slut-shamed on main. Keep me out of that Narrative. I checked the outfits, they were a vibe. Next.

I showed up to a new work environment Did my nonsense Pushed the artistic visions forward Denied involvement Seriously, was not me When did this happen? Vibe Approved Next

Can’t go anywhere with my aunt. Can you take me to the hospital? I have an appointment. Done. Who’s this? My friend. Nice to meet you. How do you choose your friends? Well, rich husbands. Right. That makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. Yes, her friends are a vibe and so is she. I am lost somewhere in that network. Next.

I am terrible socially. Yes, I know we had an interesting conversation last time. Today though, I will pass by without saying hi and only noticing afterwards. I did it again, didn’t I? No wonder no one likes me. She is proud and arrogant. Looking down at all of us. I see how that would be interpreted that way. Truth much simpler, I have a goal, somewhere to be, everything on the way is background noise, I am not looking down at you all. I am looking through you. Mariam, you see how that’s worse right? Yes, I do. Next.

They messed up by employing me. I think I was supposed to be the node connecting them to the local network. I did not do any connecting. I am competent enough to qualify for the job. Failed the social department, disastrously. Next.

Debrief. Does anybody care about my day at work? My sisters did not unfortunately. Stop talking about it. Fine. I will stop. I will tell the internet instead. Failed. Successfully. Next.

Flights are terrible enough. I can’t sleep, usually. Now add more difficulties to the situation. Physical beating, why? No idea. Moving on. Brain zaps, medical negligence. Withdrawals. The pills were doing something. Protecting everyone from me. Thanks a lot. My whole body was on fire and bruised up. No, I could not sleep, obviously. Next.

Stop making excuses for them. The hospital was a couple of streets away. I know because I was angry when they failed to send the ambulance fast enough. What is taking them so long? I’m losing him. I already did, but I had one last tiny bit of hope that they could somehow revive him. I saw the electrical shocks they introduced to his system on the way to the ambulance. They did nothing. Thanks a lot. Next.

Why did I have to go through all of that? The hospital was right there, don’t mess with my intelligence. Protect him, fine, why are we killing me in the process? I did not die. Everyone run for cover. I’m coming for vengeance. Next.

Where were the men when this was happening? I don’t know how to fix death. I cannot carry him inside. Mom, call the workers. Which ones? Any. Someone with muscles. There we go. NO. Why is there blood on his head, be careful. Idiots. I mean, sorry, carry on. So what do we do with this? No idea. Resurrect. Fail. Next.

There were some delays in my opinion. Because she was stuck on the immediate situation. We have no men. I was right there. But we have no men. Mom, listen to me. I am a man now. There are no men. Who are you calling? Look at me. For all intents and purposes, I am now a man. Next.

Your father’s dead. Oh. So now what? People are coming. They’re on the way. For god’s sake. This is not the time. But I’ll go get ready anyway. If they’re here for a spectacle, I will provide one. There we go. All showered, clean and dressed up. Deploy the public. One by one. Send the immediate family first. Don’t shock my system now. The whole community was there. Yes, that helped, immensely. No contradictions found. Next.

It was sad. Unfortunate. But also, it was a comedy. The Admiral was hilarious looking back. Just mentioning the things he had done turned out to be a comical prompt. He did what? Of course he would. Ridiculous. Next.

I cried a lot. I laughed a lot. System was stabilized. No contradictions found. Next.

My bad I was faced with death I decided that technicalities can be overridden Let people die because we are women? Absolutely not Next

Hospital bureaucracy. We’ll give you the paper. The death certificate. One small detail. Why aren’t you a son? Oh. That’s what we had at home. Release me. No option for a daughter on your system? Well, too bad. Fix that. For now, note me down as a son. Whatever keeps us moving. Next.

Gender studies This is literally not what I came here to learn Computer Science Somehow I always ended up writing papers on that topic. Why? No idea. Ask them. Mariam is here, force her to face the patriarchy again using an assignment. Lord, why? I will do it, but why? Psychology, done, A. English. Oh no. That is a huge amount of words. Procrastinate for two weeks then write it down last second. B plus. B PLUS? I had the nerve to be mad. Woman, you did this. Next.

Not intervening. The girls seem to have that covered. Strategically withdraw participation. Support. Everything’s going according to plan. Next. This is easy. Send a hacker his way. No, leave me out of it. I am sensitive and do not want to look at unnecessary X-rated content. Next.

Babies on planes. Here we go again. Who authorized this? Wait, we brought this one aboard. Shit. Distract them. Do something cute. Success. They all loved him. My ears were punctured. Boy, could you do that ANY louder? I will proceed to hiding my face and denying involvement. I do not know that baby. Why was I carrying him and moving his carriage along security? ……………. Got me there. Give me that. You wish you had one this adorable. Next.

Look at that. Lived long enough to be the villain. Workplace villain. The one that appears to do nothing while being protected from consequences for some reason. I pushed my luck so far, they let me get away with. What was I supposed to do? I’m not taking advantage, they practically called me in and placed it in my hands. Success. Next.

No one studied accounting. Well, my sister was about to, even watched the Ben Affleck movie. Absolutely not. Change your major. That does not look cool enough to sacrifice your future over. Next.

No one was gaslighting me. They were simply telling me their version of the events. With my memory and logic, they did not add up. Sound the alarms. That’s how most people walk through life? Exactly. I am the logic police now. Next.

The Handmaid’s Tale How did I forget that one? Of course I was walking around acting like June Checks out Next

Do you mind this? Mind what? OH Oh no That is for your baby? Take your time and space Absolutely not interfering with that Motherhood is hard enough Next

Women are insane sometimes. One time, in a mosque, she looks around and hands her baby to my aunt. Mind holding him until I’m done. What if she ran off with the kid, what then? I know she didn’t and wouldn’t. But what if it had been someone else, a baby stealer. Be careful out there. Next.

Reading is not easy for me. The confession. No attention span, even back then, can’t sit still for too long. I was stubborn enough to override that. I NEED TO KNOW HOW WAR HAPPENS. Mariam, why? No idea. Vibes. Next.

Interrogation By mom What do you do at work? Not much Bare minimum What about promotions? Your future? Oh I thought you didn’t want me to work Now you’re expecting advancement Technically, doable Realistically, doubt it Next

Promotions aren’t just titles mother They come with responsibilities I rest my case Next

What about the extra money? Let me see I won’t have time to enjoy it Exactly Next

I absolutely would have taken the money They never offered it to me They said: Big Title Okay? Cash? No? Then why are we even talking about this? Exactly Next

Mariam No The title first Prove worthiness Money after Absolutely not I am worthy Cash on the table now or get lost Next

Does anybody remember newspapers I enjoyed those I had no business handling those I was pretending to solve the puzzles Got me Next

Imagine a ten year old with a huge newspaper stealthily consuming politics. That was me. So ridiculous. Next.

What are you rea… NOTHING. Puzzles, solving puzzles. Almost got caught again. Next.

Come home We don’t care what you did It does not matter Please come back home I do care unfortunately Keep that file open indefinitely It does matter I will come back on my terms Next

Quit the victim playing You pushed me away All of you Every single one Do you want me here? I asked that in every way there is to ask No we do not Fine Next

Also The heartbreak allegations No one wanted to claim this when it mattered You said no We do not claim you What else is there to do but leave? Next

Easy Screening process Do you love me? No we do not Why are we here then? Exactly Checkmate Next

Afterwards What happens afterwards? Attempts at reconciliation You can decorate the prison As much as you want Still a prison Still staying out of it Next

Yes, I still keep in touch. The network is alive and well. I know who to connect to not because of who they are, but because of who they became after me. So, yes, I will use that advantage, thank you very much. Next.

Powerful people I don’t know them I know my peers Fortunately for me I turned them into powerful people Any objections? No Moving on Next

Don’t do that to me My dad is rich I know You know We know This is a small town Moving on, how’s the task on hand going? Exactly Next

Wonder what my cousin’s up to. Nope, chaos. Your mom and brother are drilling you for not being the big boss again? My mom? Oh, I tell her nothing, she doesn’t care. Next.

I know rich people. What do they do? Whatever they want. Why would I be influenced and drilled by society if I can buy their silence for free? Exactly. Wait, that is solid logic. Take it from me. Checks out. Next.

I was not competing with my friends I was competing with their fathers While looking ridiculously harmless The Audacity Next

I misunderstood Again What do you want to be when you grow up? My dad Mariam, no Mariam, yes Executed Next

Takes only a second but I catch it The error 404 message after eye contact Wonderful, what is it now Did something unexpected again Well, that is me You should expect that by now Next

My car is blocked Instead of informing security Well, what’s the rush? Might as well stay stuck here

I have nowhere better to be Literally Being stuck in my car at work is fine Nothing better to do anyway

If you have a problem Don’t Turn it into a solution Blocked car? No Content Material Everybody be prepared for what’s coming Car Parking Logistics

This is what happens when my personal security guy is on leave. How is he mine? He isn’t. He works here. I also work here. I need to meet the new one. I will do it eventually. Next.

Performing for the public. Personal attempts at connection failed. Rejected. Next.

No one cares. This isn’t a sad story. Can’t blame them. Too weird, too strange. Of course they’d run away and hide. Next.

They moves the car. I was JUST about to recruit the new security officer. Goddamn it. Next.

Why him? Not the looks. Interrupted my attempts. At death. He gets to stay. Next.

Not sorry. I survived. He did that. Next.

Leave him. No. You leave. He stays. Next. When I was dying you hung up. Next.

Not hard to understand in my opinion. Self-destructed. As usual. Too close to succeeding this time. Oh, I’m not alone. I didn’t even have to call. Next.

I called You hung up I didn’t call They showed up anyway Obviously naturally I would choose them over you

Simple mathematics. When I explain it that way, can anybody object to my logic? You abandoned me while I was dying. No place for you while I’m thriving. Next.

Can your religion answer that? Yes, yes it can. The jokes write themselves. You had no right. Revoked anyway. On grounds of zero obligation. Next.

You left me all alone with a self-destructing weapon for a brain after you provided more ammunition. Understood? Get lost. Next.

Who else do I have to address vaguely? Let me see. Withdrawals. Back at home. How did that feel? Guess. Bad. It was worse because you were there. Thank God the war intervened and sent you away. Next.

War is bad everyone I am not advocating for it It is happening anyway It is my problem now Fixed it How? Don’t ask Next

Thank you, Ma’am Huh? I don’t drive the elevator sir You’re welcome anyway Next

Committed to the craft. There’s a fire alarm, miss, we have to go. No you don’t. It is procedure mock alarm. Wonderful, she’ll let us mock die. Next.

Cat for sale. Male. Orange. Need I say more? Please take him. I am exhausted. Next.

Why are you following me? Murder? Oh. This is social media. Of course. No, you can still do it. Feels off. Have A Following. Absolutely not. I have responsibility now. Is everybody entertained? No. Still walking. Next.

How are you guys comfortable having random people follow you? The larger the number the bigger the threat. I know they’re not going to kill me, I mean, doubt it. Still a chance. One of them might. What am I talking about? I account for every single head. My children now. Next.

I made an account for reasons. What happens if I do this? That is where the cool kids are. They’re not cool in real life? Oh. I misunderstood. They seem cool enough for me. I am participating. I did it all wrong but give me credit for trying anyway. Next.

Caffeine. Yes, I am caffeinated. Minimum cost. Coffee tastes bad, why would I care about the taste? Does it work? Then I’ll have it. Saved a lot of money with that logic. If I want a sugared drink I will order one. Coffee as a ritual is an abomination for me. I enjoy watching my loved ones demonstrate their coffee making methods though. That makes absolutely no sense but make one for me too. Next.

Nothing can hurt me. Except typos and grammatical errors and faulty vocabulary, mostly if I was the culprit. You guys are allowed to do that. Me? No way. I already did. I can’t take it back. So sorry for that misplaced letter. Ridiculous. Next.

That’s just my face, guys, no one freak out. Why am I demonstrating it? No idea. If you’ve seen that face anywhere, report back to me. I can’t locate her as well as you guys do. Next.

Why are you using those coffee cups? They are huge. Oh, for VIPs. I am a VIP, fill it to the brim. Why are there ships on the table? Decoration, brother. Oh, you’re demonstrating the blocked strait situation? Hilarious. No, that is not me. That is my uncle. Dad Jokes. I find him funny. Next.

Excuse me Sorry I failed at ugliness I did not know there was a competition My bad Next

If anybody has any problem with my face being out here. Let me tell you what to do step by step. Print it out, take it to the police, tell them you find it offensive. They’ll take it from there. Next.

When soldiers die Come marching home Little soldier boy I refuse to polish this up They will never come marching home Thank you for your service We will not forget I said it before and I’ll say it again I will remember Next

Wars have casualties What did you expect? Toughen up Heads up Come marching home Next

Are you paying attention? It could have been worse No, it does not excuse this But remember that we won Next

There actually is a pearl convention? ……….. What? Next

I thought I was making things up Told you Everyone wear pearls Next

Stop talking about pearls No, I am infiltrating the collective unconsciousness PEARLS Next

She has a reputation Oh really? What did she do? Eye contact with my brother His wife was livid Okay? Let me see Oh, she’s prettier than you That’s it Got it My cousin Of course I’m on her side Next

What? I didn’t need a lengthy investigation One look is all it takes Ridiculous Next

WHY ARE YOU ESCORTING ME? Oh Ladies and gentlemen Her husband was in the corridor That is insane, WOMAN Next

She was making sure no eye contact was happening My lord Release me I don’t want your man I don’t even know your man I’m here for my friend I did not sign up for this sick game

You know damn well who I am You can keep denying that I am the danger To your marriage What on earth did I do but exist? That was my crime This is my punishment Being escorted Thanks for the special service Next

I wasn’t going to look I probably would not have noticed the man You made a spectacle out of nothing Now I want to look What are we competing for? Show me the man Next

Same man My cousin Me Connect the dots The wife is to blame here I have no idea what the man did But respect Get me one of those Next

Disclaimer If I had a husband He is allowed to make eye contact With women Dear lord, how are they supposed to work? Women are everywhere Are you going to follow him into the workplace?

Maybe the man likes it Release him He doesn’t want to be saved Probably enjoying it too Ridiculous Next

The plot thickens That’s not his face Well well well More ammunition now Get him POLICE Next

I am not negotiating with you I am not explaining my position If this is a war and I happened to be involved Who do you think is winning? Next

It is still the month right? The women’s? SUCCESS Ladies, stand behind me Gentlemen GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER Next

No I can’t take it back The mission was deployed Before anyone could stop me Why would I do that? No idea, man No idea I treat war like a part-time job And I still win Next

I know my cousins are annoying I know they could use some improvements But if I had anything to do with it They will be protected and backed up No witch hunt passes without my authorization Fortunately for them I did not authorize that Next

You don’t understand They did this and this and that Honestly? Mood I would have done the same probably

I don’t understand the loyalty concerns Yes, you are my friends And yes, they are my cousins No contradictions found Unless you want a problem Otherwise, we are ALL good here

Why am I like this? No idea, man. No idea. Newcomers to society are naive and need protection. From consequences, of their actions. That is where I come in. Hilarious. Next.

Do they know? Absolutely not Why would I say anything? I acted Actions are more than enough Next

I receive updates I did not ask for Mariam, did you know the latest palace gossip? Absolutely not Why would I know? I am about to find out No, not the cats She absolutely did poison them Checks out Why is my aunt allowing this again? Her daughter That she acquired Checks out Family pattern is there Say no more Next *