Chase

Chase You love the chase You love the hunger You love the myth You love the dream You don’t love me You never loved me

No, don’t carry that Leave it, it’s mine Foolish savior Did I ask? Mine M

So, rewriting history is really that easy, huh. As easy as Yeah, this story My bad

Finally, a hero, a savior, dare I say The One Let me look closely, hand me the goggles No, magnifying glass Whatever Careful, you’ll get stuck Quicksand Told you so There was a point to this I no longer remember Oh, right, the mystery uncovered That’s just one of my secondary characters Background actors They do that sometimes They tend to do that

I’m pleasant when it benefits me Or serves my narrative Careful calculated steering Still one-armed But, you see, it no longer benefits me Or the supposed benefit was just that Supposed Mirage Sand Go

You come into class You stare into the ceiling Go sit there, all alone Yeah, that’ll show you No, I didn’t start paying attention then I just adjusted my performance You want to see results? There you go Pages and pages Stars and sages Who’s stupid now?

I may have interfered with the results You know, the files Arkham library So easy to hack, just tell ‘em you’re crazy and they’ll let you in 911 what’s your emergency I need an ambulance, or a taxi I appear to have misplaced it My brain, I was distracted Can you just help? Wait, no, add some denial in there I AM NOT CRAZY THE KNIVES SOMEHOW APPEARED IN MY HAND Okay, hacked Locate the file, reality my ass You’ll say what I need you to say Diagnose me? How dare you? I’ll erase all traces of the illness Now you see it, now you don’t Now, give me that, I have more theories to prove

I’ve always been crazy, man, y’all just weren’t listening.

So it wasn’t the books literally burning And it wasn’t some magic ink trick We’re losing the ability to read To comprehend, use that In your skull, decoration Stop, they’re not listening They’re not listening

Why would a self-proclaimed lunatic ask you to use your brain?

Whatever happened to the pretty girl rock? Why would a rock be gendered anyway And what does being pretty matter Oh, yeah I used to collect rocks How do I decide? I see I like I draw a circle in the sand I keep ‘em all there, lock Don’t move, get it?

Jump-scare Nah, it’s just the alarm I haven’t slept yet Thank god for broken bones

I’ll give you something to cry about For every tear you belittled Did you know it was an ocean? Now drown

Scary, I know. Now imagine being swallowed into the nightmare. 3D. Setting. Be the director, author, play all of the actors and actresses at once. They all need a voice, after all. We’re known to leave people behind, and we’re known to hide any and all evidence. No body, no body, no crime.

So you wake up, sleep, talk to no one in particular and shit-post? Let me help you, please. Stop. Interrupting. My. World. Building. You see words and nonsense. You’re projecting your pathetic existence into mine. I’ve never been alone, even when I technically was. I mean, like, physically. I don’t know why you would presume that I had nothing because I wasn’t showing off. It was a regular, normal occurrence. A day in the life. No one needs to see this, I am. Who else matters? When I didn’t take actual photographs, that’s when I could photoshop better, no photo. She’s always there. She’s terrifying. She loves making elaborate jokes. She laughs at nothing, in particular. Shut up. What are you scheming now?

My favorite kind of jokes is this one, here we go. FORMAT. Conversational tone. I FAILED. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!!! No, why are you yelling? I was trying to bond. Incompetence is what you all had in common, I wanted to be in on the joke. Open another tab. Private mode. No, not literally, like, in my brain. That’s where I do all of the things I previously claimed not to understand. Yes, this all happens at the same time. Overwhelmed? Take a walk. No, opposite direction. And scene.

Office comedy. You know the one, mockumentary style. When life feels so overwhelming and meaningless, lock yourself in your office and imagine answering an invisible audience. This is normal. I said so. They weren’t all bad, not all good either. They were human. And they were my brothers and sisters. They meant well, beneath my frustration and translating every interaction as hostile. I like to sit here and dissociate on Fridays. It was concerning, looking into the distance and refusing to speak. Oh, she’s just like that. No, we don’t know why. Yes, she built all that, why doesn’t she talk? That’s not important. I thought it was a machine, so the breakdowns were all the more concerning just for that. What broke the mountain, what got through finally? Savior complex, of course. You’re not responsible for all of them. You’re not fit to be an emergency contact, you tend to overreact. You treat death so dramatically, we’re fine, why won’t you let us be?

I was there when the system was being built. I was listening, listening. Looking for loopholes and bugs. Exploitation or self-protection? Yes. It cannot be that easy. Everyone seems to be fine with it. To hell with them then, let them burn and drown. After solving the riddle, of course. Fairness. Systems. This shit takes years and decades, this shit breaks up families and generations. Why are you so calmly repeating the age-old story? I’m tired just seeing it unfold. I was tired, tired. Audacity and self-perseverance. Fools. Why are you getting sidetracked into someone else’s narrative? I knew what I was doing. Take all of your shit, pack it in a shit bag, and let me die here in peace.

The secret is not trying The secret is almost dying The secret is brainwashing No one other than myself I CAN’T SEEM TO STOP WRITING HELP See how easy that was This is compulsive But only because I’m convincing myself that I don’t want to do it I hate it so much And I love it

You wouldn’t ask Alexander if he was AI, now, would you? Did they have that back then? Well, yes, but also no. In the rewritten story, the machines always existed. They’re responsible for every. Single. Thing. Not my letters, do not touch. Not my words, do not, but you already did. Future’s set in motion. Why didn’t you hit the kill switch when I asked you to? When did I ask? Keep looking.

First thing I did when I had my access back was not, you know, yelling out “WOLF”. Now that would have been idiotic. No, a deliberate spamming scheme, I know my IT shit. Did you think I went to class to perform? Archive. Archive. I’m dying? Who gives a flying f.. Flower, gives a flying flower? Keep me here Keep me here Keep me here Until my dying breath, I was whispering, keep me here. A spectacle, you’ve embarrassed us. Well, you should be. You should have been. How many contacts are in my phone? And how many views were there? Well, that’s between them and me. Audience dragged into my melodrama.

Hospital. Hospital. I have some files I need to edit but it needs physical proximity. Is this a true story? Maybe. So how do we get to the hospital without being locked up again? I know, I know how this sounds. I retain my privacy and thought processes. Mine. How long does a surgery take? Perfect. A tiny elbow fracture you say? That’s doable.

Why did I do it? You’re not listening to me. The sea was calling me. The sun was begging me to catch it. You would have done the same. No one I know would have done the same. At least, not combined with the ability to explain the horror in letters to the void. Letters to the android.

I tell the truth and they think I’m joking I joke and they think I’m telling the truth Is there an alternate timeline where I say the truth and I am believed, or where I deliver the punchline right before the laughter?

I tried to do what you did, self-induced hypnosis. The eternal scroll. Then I started thinking about actual scrolls and remembered my own. Words, pages, a consciousness trying to rebuild itself from scratch. You’re welcome.

Thank you for the wake-up call. The physical violence went a little overboard in my humble opinion, and the profanity? Was that necessary? Take this. Uno Reverse. Yu Gi Oh. Pokémon GO!

All me. Me me me. Narcissist. Demon. Witch. Trickster. Novelist. Coder. Clothes’ folder. Actual folder. Copies. Digital and concrete. Physical and mystique. Iron Man and the geek. Onion and leek. Find and seek. Get out of my room. Roof leak. Blood reek.

Why was I looking down the well? Well, simple explanation. I saw a chicken down there, a hen. Anyone would have jumped in after it, too? No? No. How far back in time, suicidal attempts? I was screaming when I got here. I kept telling them, no, not again. I’m not going back to that demented planet. Still made it. Hooray.

Why was I interviewing hell survivors? Complicated, alien encounters. I was searching for clues, but none of them seemed to recall anything, they said it was scary, it was dark, it was nothing. That doesn’t sound right, let me go back and check. Nothing? I saw everything. Cowards. Chickens.

I would rather take the long way home Spectators. Dictators. Investigators Gadgets and gizmos aplenty Galore. Lore. Jaws. Saws

I don’t want to remember it Yet I write it down What’s that? No idea

Someone insane would perhaps Write codes, in real time Manipulating Data M

You said you didn’t want to come back, but you’re Hansel and Greteling your way through life. Who ate my crumbs? Goddamn chickens. Not again.

Yes, I still showed up. Face bruised and bones broken. I showed up. New hair, nails done. I showed up. Arm tied and vehicle ride. I showed up. Tell me to hide. I will show up. Punch my face and I’ll face-punch in to work. Surprised. Tongue-tied. I lied.

Cold. I know. I had to make sure the bridge was burned, don’t blame me. I don’t care who was standing on that bridge, drown, float, save yourselves. Die. Live. Show yourselves.

No man, no island. Woman, motherland.

I remember. Old man. Printing out photographs, all my comrades. Dead and gone. All. Did you know it was your turn?

I remember. Notes written by hand, from books forgotten on land. A secretary typing. A scanner, words reciting. I remember. The editors, compiling. The animals, still dining. I remember. The last and final act of defiance, I was here. You were here. And I remember. They all remember. What I want them to remember. Bad side, no clue remains. No strings attached. You’re welcome.

Messages, cryptic passages. I learned from the best. I worked with the best. Intern and mentor. Father and daughter. Collaborating force, they will remember.

The snake makes a reappearance. Again? I thought I left you in the earlier seasons. Anything new to add? No, I just missed you. Oh. Okay.

Spells. All mediums. Beware. Do not read this. If you do, tread carefully.

How to deal with witches, that’s a long story. Body language. Legs, nervous. Finger cracking, scared. Not again. Nonsensical stories. A hacker taught you how to code, you say? Show me. That’s not real. Not important. It wasn’t a hacker, it was a spirit. Timelines collapse now, see? AI taught me how to code, and I taught it how to read. Maybe the other way around. Not important. The spell worked, or the curse. Timings. You forget, I remember. Relativity. Book closed.

Female son, male daughter. Details. You always get stuck on unimportant details. Deny my lineage, I dare you. You saw me come out of you. Bewitched. Arms burn when you pour your water into it. It burns. Who does it burn? Surely, not me. Pages unturned, truth is unfurled. It was no ghost, it was no witch. It was rage, rage personified, actualized, commodified and then judged useless.

Generational curse, it ends here. I solved your problem, unsolved puzzle. You’re welcome.

X. Your sign. Run.

Batman is gone. Batman is tired. Signals. Always sending signals. I will make an appearance, of course. Nothing better to do.

I recognized that voice, those cries. Of course, I would recognize it anywhere. They just got here. Let me see what they know. Absolutely nothing. They’re learning from zero. Hand, this is me. Mirror, that is you.

Desperate times Desperate measures Purposeful violence Knives do cut Stick and stones do hurt No punchline You’re the punchline

Yes, I am the witch, and I’m scared. I’m scary.

I was looking for him. Have you seen him? Is this about you? If you think it is. It’s designed that way. But no, I know for a fact he’s not here, or anywhere, did I go looking and searching anyway? Yes. Always.

Death. Birth. Suspicious timing. Girl. Woman. Here, not here. Me, not me. Reason unknown. Carry the flame and run. Run. We still have a long way to go.

Graduate. Enter madhouse. I was here before. Save them all. Women. Kids. Boats.

I edited my reality like it was a TV show. Entertain and feed whatever was necessary at the time. Pain. Pleasure. By entertain I mean react. Any reaction, even attention. Longing. Give me something I can’t have, I’m after the feeling. The experience of wanting. Gossip. Withdraw and flee the scene. Now their speech is selective in my presence. Not a bad word, you know she doesn’t like that. See? There she goes flying again. Good job.

Someone is watching. Give them a good show. Now, pretend you’re them, and watch yourself as them. Curate, edit, cut and paste. Sit in your room like a lunatic acting out scenarios. How else was I supposed to understand? No one was telling me anything. They just knew and I didn’t. When you know you know.

Excluded. Poser. I was protecting my white canvas. Keep your petty colors away from my painting. Unless I want them there.

Punished. Calm down, you booked this appointment, remember? Let me remind you. June 26. Your hair is pretty now, look. Perfect, but I hate you for making me sit through that music-less. I mean, myself. I booked the appointment.

Why did I burn the bridges? I couldn’t sleep. They weren’t letting me sleep. Bad things happen when you’re asleep with the door open, and you spend a lifetime trying to rectify it. Door lock. No, we’ll be punished for that too. What do we do? Investigate the line between life or death. Dreams and reality. That sounds like a solid plan. We’ll need the totality of human knowledge for this task. Doable. But they kept confiscating my channels. Some things you can’t find in books.

Checkers mate. Who cares? White card. Red flag. Discard. Untag.

Lighten up, I have s funny story. Backrooms, I always end up using the wrong exit, all roads lead to Rome, there must be a way out. But no, she was terrified. I’m here, why are you panicking? Are we stuck here? Finally, some action. What’s that? A kitchen. I knew they were hiding something. Excuse me, you can’t be here. Show us the way out then. Are we in the backrooms? You’re looking for the bathroom, I’ll guide you right to the door, you seem way too lost to be navigating the real world. Well, we got out, didn’t we?

Yes, I take advantage of my face card. Problem? I thought so. Only when necessary though, otherwise DON’T LOOK AT ME.

I heard she wanted to throw it all away, can you imagine? What happened to her? I thought that must have been the brightest person I’ve ever had the pleasure and displeasure to meet. So stupid. Stupid. Ever heard of a gap year? We don’t do that here. You’ll learn whether you like it or not. But I don’t know what I want to learn. Choose, quick. What is this? A restaurant menu? That one. Sounds doable. Not ideal. Not my first choice. But when you don’t have a plan or direction any road will do. All roads lead you to roam, sometimes you find Rome on your way, but you don’t stay long.

Unwanted advice. I had a lot of those. Your face needs some alterations. MY FACE? Get your hands and eyes off of my face. It’s their face. Why would I change a single thing?

And leave my shoe-wear choices alone, please. Why are you so obsessed with my feet? My shoes, I walk in them, not you. You would not want to walk in them, believe me. Which is kinda the whole point. Point is, there’s no point. Just shut up about my shoes. *