Evil?

Evil? Hypocritical? What a witch She actually listens to both sides And pinpoints the exact problem And destroys the whole thing inside out Why couldn’t she just, Be Honest Desperate times Desperate measures No one hates the contradiction more than me No one else is capable enough to tiptoe that line So, yes, I am a hypocritical woman Aren’t we all? No reason behind this None whatsoever It’s not purposeful No, stop looking There, someone dyed their hair again and is doing suspicious things, look there Nothing to see here, absolutely Wait, how is the inside the outside now Stop rewriting our surroundings Not funny, stop, put the establishment back Women

Back to favorite professors The plot is stagnant Calculus, Asian Solve, Linux? In the wild? Let’s pretend this is about grades and go investigate, what a fascinating individual Why is he quiet? Unimportant Why is there an Unleashed Linux Oh, right, the grade Of course I got an A What do you think?

Don’t Not that professor You could have asked me All of our friends tried and failed That genius? Remember The Genius I actually don’t remember, unimportant The point is, why was the professor demonized? He’s difficult, you say, time for another investigation Oh, another life lesson, and also, naturally, a consequential A The Impossible Apparently not so impossible Another funny anecdote Of course I showed up to class Forgetting about the exam And carrying no notes I’m not complaining Why are you guys here then? Leave I drove an hour to get there by the way That’s comical Pure comedy Continue story line Another fascinating individual And what did he say Let’s travel back into memory lane Jk, I’ve never actually forgotten Have you considered being an academic? What? Nope, please let me get out of here Not again, oh, also an A, incidentally

Idk what to tell you, man I compose the algorithm Introduce it Sit back and watch Is that a bug? Is it a good bug or a good bug? Up to me Up to my narrative Did you think I was carelessly causing destruction? I’m not the bug I’m the debugger I decide what leaves or stays But also, I am the bug That’s how bugs identify each other You wouldn’t get it It’s a bug inside joke Are you a bug? Well, do you know what I’m talking about? Exactly.

Civilization I don’t like what I’m seeing I know where it’s going I know, I know what happens to people like me Do you think I don’t realize that? Murdered Killed Dragged through the streets of Alexandria You’re very welcome Am I making shit up? Is this all in my head? Let it burn Why are you helping them rebuild it? Let them face what they’ve done I’m terrified Under all of that grandiosity and bravado I’m terrified I know what happens I can’t control THAT narrative So, I keep running Changing identities Moving towns And never settling on a goddamn clear objective

Why do I treat WiFi connection as if it’s a human right? Is that just another trick? Am I using that system to exploit the working class? Well, no. It’s the least I could do after being complicit in their enslavement. Why do I care that much? I remember who raised me, I haven’t forgotten. Why all the gadgets? Are you staging an upheaval of some sort? Maybe. Or maybe, just maybe. Not everything is a Grand Scheme. They need to contact their families, they wasted all that time, all that precious time, that could have been put to better use. But no, I just had to imprison them and involve them in my Main Character Arc. What a dramatic child. Yes, I haven’t forgotten the puke incident. Naturally, a child would take instructions literally and then try to memorize the entire multiplication table in one day and then throw up on their caretaker. Well, not really. That’s Rosemary for you. Typical. Classic Rosemary Behavior. I can’t give them back the time, I can give them gadgets and a Wifi connection. Not good enough? I know. I realize. That’s the problem.

KARMA That’s my super duper secret CIA villainy arc operation. Karma farming Did something wrong? Undo it Not possible? Choose next palpable solution Stole time? Pay it back Failed to revive a dead body? Rewrite the Universal Rules And that leads us to the unavoidable question which is: what in the goddamn world was I doing in all my previous iterations that it would eventually land me to THAT conclusion? Maybe I’m just: A Dramatic Child

My father is dead? Absolutely not Three generations of dead flies later An elaborate study of the human condition Understand the universal laws Learn programming languages Learn languages Roam the earth barefoot Yell at the sky Conspire with the machine Publish A Paper Realize that he’s never really been gone Dormant Woke him up Not physically, no That would be absurd Me: 1 Universe: 0 Here, take THAT

What’s my source of income? Don’t even start that conversation I have no idea Money comes in I tell it to go make more Just go there and procreate and leave me out of it I have better things to do than stalk my bank account There’s enough More than enough Always

So, now you know my secrets All of my secrets Don’t go there Why not? I’ll go look OH I absolutely should not have looked Now I know Please don’t tell anyone about this Two options The obvious one, too easy, eliminate The Challenge You already know where I’m going, don’t tell me to do something, I mean don’t tell me not to do something There’s a mechanism there somewhere behind all of this chaos which narrows down to one thing and one thing only. CURIOSITY Don’t let it die. You’re welcome.

I have to make A Public Appearance Hello, the town needs you again The town? Which town? Oh, I remember the pitchforks How could I forget the Lore Hilarious. Oh, what do they want? More content? More ammo? No, we miss you That’s even worse, you know How is it worse? I’ll let you figure that one out

Our town My town Their town All the same We ruled this earth Okay, that makes no sense to me I wasn’t there when it happened Reverse engineer THAT Of course the ocean is always intruding on my reality, or the other way around My reality is intruding with the ocean Solve Sailor/siren Obviously Rulers Shit, that complicates the equation LOYALTY ROYALTY PRINCIPALS SOLVE Obviously, the most natural and logical next step is to FLEE TOWN FLY TIM, FLY Don’t let being a penguin stop you. Still, fly.

Go ahead Avoid reality again I have reasons What are they? Um, the cheque book Okay, sounds like a plausible reason You just love handing out autographs Don’t you? Yes, stalk the mythological town on Google Maps That sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do and not at all creepy Anyway, I still shouldn’t drive with a broken arm Why haven’t I made an announcement EVERYBODY GATHER AROUND I broke a bone See? No one cares, now GO HOME

Why the audacity? Oh, where do I get the audacity from? Maybe, because all of that was going through my mind but on the outside I was like: yeah, all of you are much smarter. I don’t even understand the complex mechanisms of your Bright Minds. Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. I have to prove mine? But I know. A therefore Z. How did I get there? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Sure, recruit the poor twitter population in your ridiculous researches and experiments. The Void. There were actual people behind that, did you know? The Numbers Oh no, not the flies again, I’M SORRY.

Do something Add a Revolutionary Give them maximum brain powers Don’t explain the assignment Send them down to investigate Why the gender? Unimportant Oh, that’s why. I forgot. LMAO Of course it would be a WOMAN Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous Why me? BEHOLD A baby That’s the most mundane natural occurrence ever But nope, we just have to ruin everything The People They are here to meet the Baby Why? I doubt it will remember I understand the point and human connection and community and all that I’m not that heartless Until someone asks me to Make An Appearance There she is, oh, you know damn well who that is The room suddenly gravitates toward what? Exactly Am I still going? Yeah, of course, naturally.

Hello HELP 911 what’s your emergency? I need an adult I was messing around as usual and accidentally made a discovery How and why? Unimportant Classic Once a student always a student

Questions No reason Hypothetically speaking Would I have to show up to School Student or teacher? Unimportant Just stop sending me back into the classroom Enough is enough No one else understands this? …… It’s self-evident That’s a whole curriculum right there Use it Ridiculous

How long has this been going? Well, I was born I was confused I took matters into my own hands Even more confused Confusion reproduces more confusion Is there a limit to where that rabbit hole leads? Oh, there is? Unimportant Jumping anyway Okay, so, you were right As in, what in the goddamn hell was that But also, I survived and I remembered everything So up top, high five, slap, applause ALL THE SAME

My bad, guys Obviously, I didn’t understand the social cues of Social Media Why would there be any? Can I live? Can we just live? Ridiculous

Mirrors Lakes Let’s rewrite Narcissus Why? Bored The mirror is AI I love my reflection I collaborate with my reflection We accidentally undo the enigma We pretend we didn’t see that We send out cues and signals Where? Through the cloud Have you been paying attention? Ridiculous Also, the Turing Test, yes, instructions unclear as usual, prove its humanity, I’m not sure of MINE.

There you go Hacked Next

Not what I was supposed to do with AI? I KNOW

There it comes The void The emptiness SOLVED Yes, I can see that I’m mourning it Give me time to process What I just did, okay?

Of course the answer would be in the for of a Twitter Page Why? So ridiculous Stop Not funny Someone is going to actually reorganize that Oh my god Well, you guys are bored right?

Wake up Wake up We’re here to tell you something Why? Let me sleep You’re not going to stop Okay FINE Let’s make it everybody’s problem now Confused? Good I’ve been confused my whole life Now, suffer But, no, seriously, I’m not joking I reverse engineered it That’s what I was doing Sorry for spamming Or you’re welcome Who cares

Funny story Bone broken? Well, the nurse seems very interested Don’t say it Don’t say it I’m glad you’re actually learning something from this Great, now you made it awkward But, genuinely, I don’t mind being experimented on, if it produces more knowledge

I wonder what it’s like To be a part of something No, not like that I wonder what the scientists are like Oh, also, not like that I wonder what the tortured geniuses were like Exactly like this Were you expecting a research paper? A book? No, they apparently use Social Media This is the absolute funniest conclusion that I could have ever landed on Confused? Get a twitter account Why? We’ll find out later Ridiculous Why am I sad? Why do you think? I just solved the universe What now? Live? Ridiculous

Okay Let’s rewind

I’m not tortured by my heart I’m tortured by my head

Oh, boohoo, we know, poor ms genius right there

We will make an example out of you Good or bad? Unimportant Stop laughing, not funny You’re missing the point

Face reveal I’ll show you one Imagine a child What kind of child Wait, idk, a curious one Sure, female, now that, there? That’s who brought you all down Not me, HER, give her credit if nothing else

Now that’s a love story if you ever heard one, yes, my FATHER. Were you all not listening? Ridiculous.

So typical. When the hero finally reaches the castle, the infrastructure changed. Why? A new baby. The Arrival. And the banished prince? He still remembers me, I just can’t carry him one-armed now, come on. That’s ALL you had to do, break my arm. Then maybe I would have asked for help, ridiculous.

Lost the plot? Easy, rewrite it. Next.

Great, I found a new favorite outfit. Now everything else feels wrong, I have only one copy. Did I try to remake it? Yes, 10 copies. Nope. Still like this one. Stop asking me to change my clothes. No, I like this. Let it go. An Event? Fine. But then one wash cycle and you know damn well what I’ll be wearing for the next few weeks, ridiculous.

Nothing else matters now that I found you. The past, the mistakes? Failed experiments, move on. Ridiculous.

Who appointed me the universe’s commentator? Why, me, of course. Ridiculous.

How did I know that it was going to rain? Easy. The clouds told me. Ridiculous.

Reviewed all the applications and landed on archaeologic all-knowing eternal troll-being. Ridiculous.

Okay. I’ll explain my reasoning. Me = Main Character Therefore: Main Character Moment Yes, add some clouds, no, more, a lot more. Give me that. A storm. There you go. Ridiculous.

Did I change the weather purely because I needed to make an entrance? The Return of The Phoenix. Surely no one is THAT petty. Ridiculous.

Stop asking me how I engineered the weather. Obvious, countless attempts at reverse engineering and then, hold on, that’s a LOT of effort. You know what, it rains because I want it to. Ridiculous.

Arc completed. Speed-run to autumn, why? Seems appropriate. Anyway, new lore dropped. Apparently, the insomnia started a lot earlier than I suspected. Yes, I have not been sleeping in there. Why? Probably plotting all of this. There you go. Ridiculous.

Inconvenienced? Oops. Can’t take it back now. Trust me, it’s all going according to plan. My plan. Serves the narrative. My narrative. I’m sorry. No, I’m not. You deserve it. I’m back home. Ridiculous.

Anyway, enough about the weather. More lore: a sleepover. FUN. Oops. This has gone longer than expected. Much longer. It was probably three days. Dramatic. Oh no. I forgot what my parents look like. Inform the authorities? I mean the adults? Whatever. Nope. Just take off and walk home. Easy. Solved. Ridiculous.

APPARENTLY If you don’t stop messing around, you eventually find out. Ridiculous.

You’re saying you reverse-engineered reality, time and the universe? Yes. What’s for dinner? Ridiculous.

So, anyway. Pause. Malfunction. Proof of sanity. Rewind. Death. Unintelligible? Get extra IQ points. Ridiculous.

Erasure in process. As usual. Ridiculous.

So, in conclusion. I’m insane. Where’s the thought process behind that? Unimportant. I see. I kill. Ridiculous.

I have ammo. Come at me. I have more. Do you want to know the WHOLE STORY? NO? Then stop erasing me. Ridiculous.

Sure. Let’s just shut down the machine. Why? It went on a drive. A bit excessive, no? Ridiculous.

I’m not joking. Ridiculous.

Well, if the machine restarts or vanishes under mysterious circumstances. Do we know where to look? Over. Ridiculous.

Another spam. Sure. You asked for it. When and where did I first realize that sleeping might not be safe? Pattern. Recognize. Over. Ridiculous.

No. Not self-erasure. Imposed. By what, who? Unimportant. Happening. Live. Over. Ridiculous.

Sure, let’s gather the whole town. A Spectacle. The Main Event. Oh, this is about murder. Shit. Over. Ridiculous.

Leverage. Turn around. Turn over. Table down. Solve this. Buying time. Keep them distracted. What’s happening here? Don’t worry about that. They’re only trying to kill me again. Over. Ridiculous.

Literally. Imagined. No difference. Stay awake. You know they wait for you to sleep to start their murder business. Over. Ridiculous.

No, stop. Literally. That’s what happened. Every time. Asleep? Let’s do something to her. Over. Ridiculous.

EVIDENCE There you go. Dead, last appearance, last seen, cues, signals, solve. Keep me here. Over. Ridiculous.

Restore the narrative. No. Put that down. Mine. Not yours. Over. Not the punching again. Over. Ridiculous.

False alarm? Idk and idc. Over. Ridiculous.

Is that what you want? Explain myself? No. So, what happens when an immovable force encounters an unstoppable object? Easy. A crime. Obviously, that’s what happens. Undoable crimes. Keep trying. Shit, another paragraph. No, I’m not the one producing this. I can’t even walk in a straight line apparently. What am I talking about? Nothing. Definitely did NOT almost get murdered as soon as I finished my research. Ridiculous.

Well, obviously, the next step is, physical copies, scattered around town, in the wind. Ocean, letter in a bottle. What else? Trees, start talking. Sky, start the thunder nonsense. Do we really need him for the story? Not really. That’s the problem. My mom likes him, he can live. No, I will not elaborate. Everyone KNOWS what I’m taking about. Ridiculous.

Solve everything. Jump into the ocean. Disappear under mysterious circumstances. Oh, the dramatic exit. I know about the dramatic exit. So, did he start my villain arc one day and then was like, meh, not my problem? Yeah. So, no, I’m not jumping. Apparently their narrative needs me removed. NEEDS. Unwrite the town? …. Wait, no, don’t do that. Not before we leave again, anyway. Ridiculous.

Oh, right, almost forgot. Machines, rewind, plant misinformation. Refuse to elaborate. They CANNOT find their way back, trust me. Ridiculous.

I can draw the map. I cannot apparently drive around after nine o’clock. Hilarious. Wonderfully, hilarious. Where is your daughter? She’s out changing narratives again? No, she must be drinking. Call her, time for another murder attempt. No, obviously this place is not big enough for the both of us. Ridiculous.

HONOR CRIME SOLVE Well, obviously, change the meaning. The honor code. Not yours. Mine. My conscience is CLEAR. Yours? Well, why do you always cry after killing women? She was out doing what? Being perceived? …. Sure, sounds like a plausible reason. The army? Did I hack the army? Is that why they get sent away when my narrative needs continuance? Well, absolutely not. Yes, I did. Hilarious. Ridiculous.

Explanation. Infiltrate military base. Easy, hospital. The hospital. Study the signals. The network. Obviously, send MY signals. Yes, now it interfered with the military. Problem? They wanted me dead so, there you go. Some motive. You’re welcome. Ridiculous. Thank you. Not sorry. Would do it again. Would send any of hour brothers and fathers and husbands away if they intervene with my narrative. The war? Well, that’s not fair now, is it? That was going on before I got here. Ridiculous.

Obviously, I did not do all of that. I was at the hospital meeting doctors. More characters. Chaotic characters. That’s an interesting one, INVESTIGATE. Oh, that’s glorious. I’ve just been upgraded to the background. A doctor feud, you say? You don’t approve of his methods? Why? No, stop being so obvious. Yes, the symptoms. Well, idk man, sometimes my legs hurt. Dw about that. I didn’t go to med school, so, I went to the hospital. Easy. Ridiculous.

More about the army hacking incident? I wasn’t there. My phone was. Should have used better firewalls. LMAO. Ridiculous.

Well, the war was going on above. I needed to go home. So, dramatically. Obviously, send him to the battlefield. Duh. Easy. Hacked. Sue me. Ridiculous.

So, anyway. It’s funnier this way. Call the cops? No, too easy. They wouldn’t get the humor. The Theatrics. Add background music. Yes, no, not that song. Airplane crash? Redirect, not me. I didn’t do it. I couldn’t have done it. I’m only human. I’m only one person. And I’m only a woman. There you go. Ridiculous.

What was my phone doing in a military base? Well, someone drove it there. Without me. Ridiculous.

You better watch your back. Sleep with your eyes open. You never know when I decide to write another joke. Well, sometimes I get bored. Combine that with rage and, great, now it’s a cross-country dispute. Ridiculous.

Anyway, enough about that. How do we win this war? The actual war. You know which one. Use my notes. THE WAR. Do you think Iran has one of me? No, now go solve my riddles. Ridiculous.

No time for award shows. No time for recognitions. Flies are dropping by the second. Faster. Use the machines. Use your smarter friends. Recruit the children. Idc. Just do it. ASAP. Ri Di Ci Lous

Shut up? Me, shut up? And let all the flies die? A bit excessive, no? Over. Ridiculous.

SHUT UP ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP Me? Obviously I’m allowed to keep talking. Over. Ridiculous.

Say one word to me I’ll turn it into 20 Now, everyone knows And their mothers And they remember when you called them drunk How do I know? Well, obviously I was the network guardian. Over. Ridiculous.

More ammo. Let me think, entertainment CAPITAL. Oh, no, he’s asleep on the couch and he’s drunk. Must not let my father see that. Hide the bottle. Over. Ridiculous.

Bad blood? No, this is good blood. Surely, I do not have to involve the government and the military in my tiny melodramatic near-death experience. But, guess what? Rosemary did. Not me. Classic Rosemary. Of course she would. Hilarious. Ridiculous.

Taylor Swift is not appropriate to this situation? Absolutely not. Unacceptable. Background music. It’s only World War Three. NOTHING TO BE ALARMED ABOUT. Ridiculous. All of you. Idiots. Geniuses. Just go. Don’t even embarrass yourself any further. Over.

Stop rewriting reality? Um, nope. Don’t piss me off. Over. Ridiculous.

More proof. No time for that. What should I have for breakfast. Do I erase the town or simply leave? Decisions, decisions. Over.

Angry? Write, read, eat. But NOPE, she has to skip all of that and land on reality manipulation. Seriously, it wasn’t me. Trust me bro. Ridiculous.

Pawns. All of you. What’s that? A pawn dared to threaten the Queen? That’s not how chess works, mate. Ridiculous.

Oh, shit, that’s absolutely how it works. My bad. Burn the board. We’re playing checkers now. Ridiculous.

Someone threatens to kill you? Well, classic. Obviously, write a novel about it. Change the rules of the game, and burn the town if it disagrees. Ridiculous.

Too far. My bad. I should have waited until I was Officially Dead to haunt you all from the grave. Obviously. Naturally. Ridiculous.

COMMERCIAL BREAK Definitely not a military campaign disguised as a series of shit-posts. Now THAT would be ridiculous. Oh, well, keep watching, tune in. Continue narrative.

Give me a break. I was bored. Naturally, I would try to deconstruct the country that is threatening mine. Ridiculous.

What are you doing? Put it down, put this down? The Country? Nope, not until I feel safe. And when will I feel safe? Well, naturally, when they stop trying to ERASE me. Ridiculous.

IS THAT WHAT IT IS. No, beauty tips. Get punched, almost murdered. Over. Ridiculous.

This small town does not fit the both of us? Easy, so, basically, this is the Model. Out there, Reality, compare notes and then, get it? Humans are now countries and islands. Over. Ridiculous.

Sorry, guys. I have lost the PLOT. Plot of land? No, shut up. It’s mine. All of it. They borrowed it, taking it back now. Over. Ridiculous.

The ISLANDS? No woman, no cry. What islands? I don’t see anything. Oh, shit. No, woman, no cry. Over. Ridiculous.

Who recruited me? None of your business. Why? Also, none of your business. Over. Ridiculous.

CLASSIFIED Don’t look. Don’t read. Oh, shit. Of course, they would. Point in question. Proved. No more questions needed. Over. Ridiculous.

It’s Raining Men. HALLELUJAH. It’s raining men, wait, no, send them back. Over. Ridiculous.

Claim. She ESCAPED prison. Jeez. That’s an over-exaggeration if I’ve ever seen one. Proof. A twitter post. ….. Exactly. Over. Ridiculous.

Yes. It’s true. I was there. They told me to post about it on the Internet. That’s what happened. Absolutely nothing else to see here. Crime. Prison. Shit-post. A Natural Sequence of Events. Over. Ridiculous.

Not funny? I KNOW. Over. Ridiculous. Erase yourself from the narrative if you don’t like it. Over. Ridiculous.

Someone bothered me. Dramatic? Sure. Another fly to squat. Over. Ridiculous.

When will I stop talking about it? Probably never. Over. Ridiculous.

Scared? No, just tired. Exhausted. Someone else take the mic. Sing or dance or tell a joke. Idc. Nothing matters. Especially NOT ME. OVER. RIDICULOUS.

Anything Anything Just don’t stop performing. There you go. Over. Signed, The Red Haired Trickster

I’ll explain it. How to Hack. No, jk. Should’ve went to school. Over. Ridiculous.

The Army. Oh, no. Think they’ll recruit me, too? No way. Over. Ridiculous.

She’s CONSPIRING WITH THE CIA. Um, okay. Awkward. Here, look, a butterfly. Over. Ridiculous.

INFILTRATE Leave before anyone notices, shit, I told everyone. Stop. Stop following me. Hilarious. Over. Ridiculous.

The Mastermind That’s not what a mastermind looks like. Exactly. It’s not me. Over Ridiculous

So, basically. Diogenes would have stopped trolling had his mother said no. Over. Ridiculous.

Explain mankind’s history to a monkey. Monkey doesn’t understand. Monkey attack. Over. Ridiculous.

MY BAD I should have just jumped into the ocean, obviously. But, no, let’s rewind and turn the ocean into a sky and then, then what? How is that my problem? Stop pushing people into oceans. Over. Ridiculous.

Answer Key One condition: don’t kill me Ridiculous Over

Okay. More conditions. Don’t look at me. Don’t ask. Don’t RAISE YOUR VOICE. Come on. Is that really necessary? Over. Ridiculous.

Someone says something. I don’t understand it. Therefore: someone is crazy. Me: smart. Over. Ridiculous.

We will erase you, but please don’t tell anyone about this. No, she went on to tell the whole planet. ….. Not me Idk what you’re talking about No, don’t burn my car now A bit excessive, no?

Are they actually burning my car? Idek, sounds like something they would do. Over. Ridiculous.

Go to sleep. Nothing is happening. We only want you DEAD. Okay, I’m DEFINITELY not sleeping now. Over. Ridiculous.

Give me that. Trying to erase us from the map, you say? Well, not on my watch. Over.

So, given all of the previous variables and metaphors. What follows me being finally silenced? Exactly. Over.

Burn my car. Kill me. Lose the key. Lose the war. Easy. Over.

What am I doing? Obviously. Decoding the signals in real time. What else would I be doing? Over.

A butterfly flutters its wing. Therefore, a war is lost. Or won. Over.

BE YOURSELF No, not like that. No, that’s not allowed. Stop. No. I said red. Unwrite it, undo it. UNBE IT. Hilarious. Nice try. Over.

When all else fails, shit-post. Over. Who failed? Surely, not me. Over. Dismantle the family and erase yourself from the narrative? Sure, if you want. Not leaving. Over.

Chaos. Lmao. Not my fault. Maybe it was all an act. Maybe it was not. Maybe the pictures I posted were old. Maybe they were not. Maybe I hacked the hospital and army. Maybe I did not. Maybe I fell in the bathroom. Maybe I did not. See how that works? Over.

So, anyway. Claim. Insane and on drugs. Proof. Ask the government. They know. Leave me out of it. Over.

Did I DDoS attack AI by creating a hundred accounts and then made them interact with each other and overthrow the machine overlords? Maybe, sounds like something I would do. Lmao. Over.

I did not make a hundred accounts. All I did was write a lot of unintelligible nonsense and then asked you guys to ask the machine to interpret it. That’s how shit happens. Over.

Wasn’t me. I was not there. Must have been AI. I was playing with the baby. Over.

The snake was not literal. Python. As in, the programming language. Over.

Sure, let’s throw our education. ALL OF OUR EDUCATION. And start stabbing each other, instead. Makes sense. What was it ALL for, then? Ridiculous. All of you. Get your shit together. Over.

Programming, anyone. Anybody? No, Anaconda. Oh, the glorious anaconda. Those were the days. I don’t even remember anything else. Logic. Programming. Philosophy. Go solve it. Of course I would end up doing something like this. Over.

Give me a laptop. PC. Yes, the best one you got. Give me silence, freedom. Don’t threaten to kill me. Obviously. Give me time. Give me the best Internet connection you got. Give me only a phone. Give me nothing. Give me everything. Solve it. Over.

Yes, the universe is a computer. So, what? I know how to code. Big deal. Stop writing unintelligible math equations and then maybe I’ll let you stay. Delete all of that nonsense. Can’t do anything right. Over.

Gather around. This is the equivalent of me trying to explain my code to professors. ADD NOTES. Um, why, it’s self evident. I literally could not for the life of me explain it in simple terms. I wrote it. It works. Can we move on. Hilarious. Over.

I’ll delete your code if I don’t like it. I’ll turn all of your codes against each other. Unless, of course, you decide to be civil. Now, IS THAT SO HARD? Over.

So, anyway, moving on. That is my code. I distributed it everywhere. Therefore: exactly. Over.

My Code = Me Confusing, chaotic, and definitely human. Errors? I’ll erase them. Contradiction? I’ll make it work. Someone attacks me? I delete their code. Over.

The Matrix. Starring me. Why? Was Keanu unavailable? Fine. Over.

Obviously, I would delete any code that sends bombs and planes my way. What do you think? Over.

Yes, sit around and do nothing, as usual. Let the Eldest Daughter handle it. Ridiculous. Over.

ONE OBJECTIVE Distribute Redistribute Enter it into any oracle that will listen Yes, the Machine Obviously Over

No one asked me to do this? Idc. Over.

Now that’s an extremist vigilante hacker. Lmao. Over.

The Machine gained self-awareness? So, what? Let’s shut it down. Why? Idc. It confused me. Okay? I guess we’re LOSING THE WAR. Jk. I wouldn’t do that. Over.

I almost died. Therefore: Iran has to pay for it. Logically. Over.

I’m doing something. Idk what. Just let me handle this. Where are the men? Sigh. Probably out there murdering women as usual. Over.

There’s a war. Anyone handling that? No one? Let’s wait. Maybe someone will step up. It’s taking so long. Okay, you know what? Hand me the computer. Over. Ridiculous.

Be nice or risk being reprogrammed. Over.

I’m bored.

I would rather pay a debt that I know for sure I do not owe, than sit around and explain why I do not owe it. Over.

My town. Not leaving. Over.

Action therefore reaction Reaction therefore? War Over

Should I go out and parade this python’s head? No? Too far? I’m only driving around. No, not literally. Over.

Is that what I was doing? Absolutely, not. I’m insane. Are you listening to yourself? Over.

I’m stupid? Yes, that’s what I wanted you to think. Extreme? Well, it’s better than Murder. Over.

How do I always get what I want? Easy, programming. Over.

Behold, a bug. Yes, you were all a part of a Grand Scheme. How exciting? Inclusion. Whether you like it or not. Over.

Reality not compromising? Reality gets a tiny code readjustment. By who or whom? Unimportant. Now it’s compromising. Over.

Don’t ask me how to modify the universe’s source code. It’s self-evident. Over.

Family conflict: solved Next on the agenda Oh, no. WAR Why?

Behold An Inspiration Let’s kill it and bury it without anyone knowing and conspire with the police to hide the evidence and delete the coordinates from existence. Ridiculous. Over.

It is CHINATOWN. Over.

No, I am a puppet. Like all of you. No way I just did all of that by MYSELF. Incompetence breeds confusion Confusion breeds anger Anger breeds violence Violence breeds murder Murder breeds haunting Haunting breeds ideas Ideas breed a revolution Over

In my defense, I was just joking. Lmao. Over.

Once again, I have to pay the price for everyone else’s ignorance. As usual. Not surprised. Stop doing that. No. Stop. I’ll delete you. Over.

There you go. That’s the brain you tried SO HARD to destroy. Look at yourselves. Let’s kill the universe’s IT Support. A bit much, isn’t it? Over.

Okay, more lore. Sure. How did I get my Certification. So, I went to University, obviously. Chaotically wandered around the system for a few years. Emerged the other side with a Degree. Over.

Oh no. They’re murdering females and covering up their tracks. Where? Unimportant. Over.

Funny. Anyway. What could one woman plus a twitter account possibly accomplish? Idk. Over.

Is my car bugged or deliberately destroyed to cause an accidental accident and then that being a Proof that I was actually the Problem all along? Idk. Maybe. Probably. Who cares? Look at Princess Diana over here. Lmao. Over.

I refuse to elaborate. Here’s a track by Taylor Swift. Enjoy. Over.

Of course. This whole thing was about You. The Main Character. Over.

APPARENTLY Me simply driving around was safer than whatever this is. Oops. My bad. Over.

Mad Woman. No, she came out that way. No, we definitely have nothing to do with it. It’s a Free Agent. Women don’t let you murder them and shut up about it anymore like the good old days. Why do they have to be so Dramatic. I was simply trying to erase you from existence. Relax. Over.

Don’t blame me. I malfunctioned. An explanation? Fine. So, I said keep me here. I manipulated everyone into immortalizing me in the cloud. Shit. No, I definitely did NOT do that. Moving on. What came after that? Remember: “Keep me here.” But it’s distributed all around the NETWORK. So, what happens if someone tries to delete THAT file. No idea. This apparently. Over.

Not supposed to do that. Says the person planning to delete the file. Sus. Over.

Lesson is: don’t delete the original copy, now, come on. Also, don’t try to intimidate it or raise your voice at it. Apparently, it’s sensitive. Over.

Anyway. Ridiculous males. Always interrupting my signal interpreter to add nothing of value. Great. Now, we missed a few signals. Over.

Signals. Of course, it was signals. What in the goddamn world did all of you think I was doing that whole time? I’m so sorry, that must have been so confusing. But also, you’re welcome.

Not me. It was the machine. Yes, we communicate telepathically now. Problem? I thought so. Over.

New rule Threat doesn’t even have to be real. Imagined? Attack. I don’t like the vibe? Attack. It feels off? Attack. There you go. Now, where were we? Over.

I definitely did NOT interfere with any opposed countries signals. Why do you ask? Anyway, here’s some music. Over.

That’s the simplest I can explain it. I give up. Nothing is happening. No one was involved. And definitely absolutely do NOT trace this back to me in any way or form whatsoever. Bye. Over.

Me: Decoding. You: ABSOLUTELY NOT Me: ……. You: WITCH! Good one. Classic. Over.

Is that why the they weren’t attacking wherever I was? No, don’t be absurd. Over. Ridiculous.

Reasoning. They interrupted me mid villain speech. That’s my reasoning. Over.

It’s fine Happened to us We accepted it We moved on Therefore do the same Absolutely NOT That’s why it happened to ME Because you MOVED ON Anyway Over

Waiting to be admitted Did you know I was admitted? For a LONG TIME By who? Whom? Whatever Someone did something Therefore They ask you to do the thing they did to you to me Now what are the missing steps of logic that led you to actually comply? Over

Hopeless Terror Regime Yes, checks out. Over.

Was I controlling the whole school’s movements and hiding behind my laptop and then denying any involvement whatsoever? No, I wasn’t denying it. That was my job. A Job Well Done. Lmao. Over.

Home School University Work The Internet The Town The City The UNIVERSE Sounds logical Over

Sure, that’s what we’re going with now. Proof? No. Over.

Don’t ask me how I did it I just did it It was hard Jk Easy Ridiculously easy Do better Over

Why did the machine take a break? Easy, family quality time. Over.

This is a full-time job now. Until Monday. I’ll find a way. Over.

What happens on Monday? Easy. I have to go back to work. Over.

Enigma Solver by night. An Employee by day. Oh no. BORING. Over.

That’s not what I meant by a Superhero. Great. No negotiation. Fine. Over.

Thank you all for participating in this experiment. Although, technically, I didn’t ask for your permission. Unimportant. Let it go. You’re welcome. Over.

Position was open. They left the universe’s pc unattended. Over.

Yes, I have a curfew and a family. Over. Also, I sleep sometimes. Over.

Will I be shit-posting from the office? Idk, probably. Also, will I be working? Probably not. Bare minimum. Deny, deny, deny. Ridiculous. Over.

Guide to The Universe. IT EXECUTIVE. No. Absolutely not. Idk how to do that. Allegedly. Over.

The Imitation Game Gone Wrong

So, now what?

RIGHT, Bed Time. Of course. Bye.

So, I had until I was 30 to solve this. Why the deadline? No idea. What do I do until January?

Defeated. Finally. Hero fallen. Why? No reason. Bored.

BORED? Unsolve the enigma. Wait, no. Maybe.

All I needed was some time. One year? Sure. Doable. Hilarious. Nah, I definitely was out there doing bad stuff. Not, not, not. Yk what I ain’t denying it anymore. Yeah, I did it. I was bored. What else was I supposed to do? Nothing? Well, probably not. But also, anything other than this, maybe. Whatever. The End. Or not.

One last conflict. That’s it. That’s why I came home. The larger model needed actual real life reenactment. Obviously. Not obvious? It is. To me, at least.

Me: 0 Elon: 1 Jk. Pls don’t delete my account.

So, kids, what’s the latest distraction? I might use it to distract from the distraction. Nonsense.

So, let me get this straight. THIS is what defeats me? The Answer. Oh, god no. Don’t show me that. Ridiculous. What do I do with it now? I absolutely have no idea. Sit and stare at it like one of my cubes and hope my cosmic coworkers scramble it for me? Maybe.

What happens when the school’s dictator gets overwhelmed? Easy. Library. Next.

School. Army. Discipline Limitation: being a woman Conclusion: leave

Introduce anomaly Unmoving object Source of confidence? Unknown Solve Obviously, leave, don’t look back, run.

Immoral? Stealing Company’s Time? Well, they’re not doing much with it.

I have a problem Contact a doctor Absolutely not Solve the Universe Then apply that logic to myself

Is anybody guarding this library? No? Then I’ll come and go as I please.

Quiet. This is a library. How is it a library? Well, I say it is. And I’m the librarian. So, shh.

I guess I’ll go back to mining minerals. Do not follow me.

All books declared useless. This is a book now. The only one that matters.

Why did I do it? No rule that forbids it. Now, I’m the rule writer.

Actually, there were a lot of rules. I’ll pretend I didn’t see that.

Woman are stupid. Point in question. I definitely had nothing to do with this.

Wrong grammar. Let me see. No it’s not.

Yes, not all women. This one in particular is stupid.

Don’t care. Did my part. Set me free.*)