If the wind doesn’t stop I’m gonna have to take matters…
If the wind doesn’t stop I’m gonna have to take matters into my own hands
Another classic. The wind can’t just be wind with you can it?
I’m going to position myself in bed and travel to unheard of dimensions and curse anyone who gets in the way of it
Ever tried sleeping? Just sleeping like a normal person. Just a thought.
I come I am incomprehensible I leave
And we love you for it
Nothing ever happens to me I am the happening
Wow. What a narcissist.
Why am I talking to my past self? Well, clearly none of you are smart enough to understand what’s going here. So, you can watch, but don’t talk.
Did you know that the hardest thing to do is nothing?
So, let me get this straight. Doing Nothing Something Everything Solve
Nothing is doing everything now. Great, thanks a lot.
I often feel like my life was over before it even started. I pray for the strength to twist fate’s hand and mend what is bended.
That right there. That’s exactly how we always end up here.
I guess this heavy load would have been lighter with someone to carry it with.
Not to victim play or seek pity, just playing the role as it was woven by a brilliant writer.
The story unfolds majestically in the theater of the absurd. The audience watches in silent awe.
FINALLY SOME RECOGNITION AROUND HERE Well, it’s still me but I’m the smartest person I know, that’s all that matters.
I distanced myself from every trigger, avoided stressors, and closed my eyes and ears and heart. I never intended for this to be a permanent solution, that is no way to live.
I know. It’s not. It was necessary, back then. Find safety first, then let go. Safety from what? What do you think?
Can you be scared of your own potential and power?
Yes, do it anyway. You’re welcome.
I’ve been chasing after all the wrong things looking for the great ineffable. I hit a wall that turned out to be an endless mirror maze, a loop of a reflection of a reflection of a reflection. I found you at the end of it, I’ve missed you. It’s good to be back.
Thanks. Now, DRAW THE GODDAMN MAP AND STOP MESSING AROUND.
Rewatching my saved snaps and camera roll feels like going through an insane person’s visual diary
And what about it? Aren’t we amused? You’re welcome.
I have been inspired by the divine to tell you all these very important things
She then refuses to elaborate or actually tell us anything, well, she did but she took her time. Let her be. She’ll get here eventually.
Your self awareness and your too notch brain will not absolve you.
Really? WANNA BET. I know, we didn’t have to do all of that, but we did anyway.
Your polite cautionary notification of your dangerousness before your crime does as much good as the health warning on cigarette packs.
Exactly. Let’s unpack. CAUTION I’m about to commit a crime No, stop, why are the police here? I’m JOKING!
So, you were pretending this whole time? Yes, and you were pretending to believe me, so who’s more at fault here?
Ma’am i don’t think they were pretending You gave the performance your all, then complained that it was actually believable, what do you want?
Why did you do this terrible stupid unadvisable thing? I didn’t know what else to do and I had to do something so it was there to be done.
Sure. The logic is sound. Still nonsense. I’ll allow it, because it already happened and I don’t even remember what that was about.
It is in my opinion unfair and unwise to strip someone of their humanity even for the sake of putting them up on a pedestal.
Sounds like the premise of a superhero story, or the start of a villain ark.
I’m screaming into the void again aren’t I?
Yep Still here
You keep getting it wrong until you don’t You keep hurting your loved ones until one day you learn how not to Unless you never learn which is also a possibility
DID SOMEONE SAY NEW KNOWLEDGE TO BE ACQUIRED? HELL YES
I think the distinction between normalization and romanticization should be emphasized more. It causes too much unnecessary confusion when it’s not.
That’s a lot of words. Big words. The Vocabulary. Sublime. Wait, what does that mean?
This constant awareness of self can be exhausting sometimes.
Well, have you considered being stupid? You’re welcome.
I’ve felt everything there is to feel Can I get a break now?
So, about that, we’ve reviewed your application and it’s a no from us. Sorry.
I feel like life has a way of switching up on you and changing the rules just when you think you have it all figured it out, to keep things interesting maybe?
Woah. Do you guys think that maybe she cracked the mys Nope Totally forgot again That’s fine She’ll come back
I think being smart is overrated look at them dumb ppl having fun all the time
Well, that’s a rude way to explain it I AM ONE OF THE DUMBS
One thing about me is if there was a glitch in the system I’ll abuse it
WE KNOW
You have codes that interact with reality and it’s a super duper secret unethical experiment? GIVE ME THAT
THANKS
Stop copying my answers No Stop I’ll answer everything wrong so you fail What’s that? I’ll fail too? So we both fail Perfect
WARNING DO NOT RECREATE This is what happens when you introduce machines to children. It’s not? What have you guys been doing this whole time then? Oh, no.
Okay, yes, that thing about Emirati Women’s Day was OFFENSIVE. Here, solve this. Local Unnatural Character Advertisement So, in conclusion Guess what? Where was THIS machine created? Exactly. Now, wander along, I got better things to think about.
Not what you expected? Was I supposed to attach photographs to this application? Wrong. Rejected. Now, answer this. Look around. Where are we? Exactly.
And when I heard that sound, it unlocked something dormant in my mind.
What sound? TELL ME MORE. Well, too late, now. Still made it.
I didn’t die at 27 so now you all have to suffer with me
Makes sense. It’s never you, is it? It’s EVERYBODY ELSE. It’s not? Oh, well reality must be wrong, then.
I know I’m probably looking back at them with rose-colored nostalgic lenses, but can I at least have this one thing? Can I keep those “modified” memories?
And that’s why you keep glitching. Here, take the keys to the glasses store, I’m done, out.
And I look for you in everyone, my dearest.
Aww, me? I know exactly what this is about but let’s pretend it’s a romantic interest instead, I know that’s what the audience prefers.
Was I really crazy or gaslit to the point of insanity?
Well, obviously reality is wrong. I’ve checked.
When loss hit me for the first time. Real loss as in death. It recalibrated my whole being; this is a universal human experience and I was not immune to it as I previously thought.
No shit Sherlock. You just had to go back to the beginning of language, civilization, consciousness and a million unfinished projects and research to get to the conclusion that sometimes you can’t undo it. I’m sorry.
Not funny? Don’t laugh then. If I can’t laugh, then no one else is allowed to.
What are you doing? Oh, nothing, just trying to reverse death, not a big deal, nothing to see here, absolutely nothing. Okay, do you need help? Are you willing to be experimented on? No? Then shut the door behind you.
If you treat me like an idiot I’ll show you what an idiot is. I’ll be the biggest idiot you’ve ever met. You’ll have to rearrange your beliefs about idiotism.
Okay, that’s a bit excessive. Have we accomplished that? Aren’t you tired? I’m tired. The answer is always another question which is: WHAT DO YOU THINK?????
What do you do when you want to write, express yourself, but everything you felt and experienced has already been said and done before?
Well, to answer this question we have to go back to the beginning, who did it first? Why? When? What happened? What language did they use? What is language actually? Programming languages, stop thinking about machines for a second and focus. Obviously we should imitate the MACHINE. Wait, what was the question?
Another discovery What if they ask me to explain? What if they want more? Exhaustive You’re saying this is the while system? No, this is a shit-post
Something’s wrong The system is wrong I’m part of the system Conclusion: shutdown
Sleep is THE ENEMY They’re after me Who? No time to explain Run, wait, are you the enemy? All of you? How could you? After all the lengths I created you Oh, right Stop running That’s all I had to do
I know I created something I know how impressive it is Now, the only thing left to do is Office work? I didn’t know it was Happening when it was happening Or I would have made it more appealing Great, now I’m gonna have to do something With this, oh, where, oh, where can my baby be?
Well. That’s a problem I didn’t prepare for. HELP, I accidentally wrote a book. I don’t even know who to ask about this. This is the equivalent of messing up so bad that even Reddit has to step back and say, nope, what are you talking about? No one ever encountered this problem in the whole history of mankind and the universe. I appear to be exceptionally mastered in encountering unsolvable problems.
Origin Story How did this thing come out to be, exactly? Well, someone made a claim that 42 was the answer. Makes no sense, not according to my calculations anyway. Sixty seven sounds righter than his answer. I’m better at math, trust me. Where’s my proof? What proof? Keep repeating the number in your head. That’s what all the kids are talking about nowadays. I trust their judgment. Makes no sense? Fine, go read HIS book then, what are you doing here? Exactly.
Sorry, guys. I enjoyed philosophy class way too much and unfortunately, I don’t think they allow people to just walk in and listen and disrupt the whole curriculum anymore. We can’t all be Diogenes.
You look healthy You look better You look happy Wait, is this a trap? Of course, let’s undo everything and assume that it’s a sinister joke, if it’s coming from them, then it must have a bad, bad implication. Got it. Let’s stop eating.
It didn’t work It kept functioning As usual What is this? The Buddha’s Origin Story Don’t be absurd I see no similarities Absolutely no similarities Go ahead, wander the earth barefoot That sounds like a GREAT idea Everything was all set up for me? Well, reset it, give it to someone else How long was I supposed to survive another academic year, not a student? Irrelevant
How bored does a person have to be exactly to do this? Well, imagine a prison, no, don’t Do you do everything I ask you to? Are you another one of my characters? I’ve never been to prison btw Nor jail, I know, I know I talk about it a lot Dramatic
I have finally merged with the machine, physically. Remove the metal if it bothers me? Absolutely, not. I’m taking this to the grave. Let’s confuse the future’s archaeologists. ANNOUNCEMENT Some people were hybrids They had metallic parts No, don’t clap, you’re welcome
Yes, confusing you all is not enough. I have to confuse the future inhabitants, too. Harmless fun. Wait, I’m joking. I don’t know why I keep giving you these ideas. Definitely not planting the seeds for that system’s internal failure. Now that would be ABSURD. You’re welcome.
Someone is having trouble ordering from our website. Can you help? Can I help? I’ve seen it. It’s hopeless. Human interface design, she would probably know something about that. The Aesthetic. I mean, she looks like she emerged from a painting. Actual work? No, don’t bother her now, come on. She’s not smart enough to deal with this. Oh, but she can solve a Gigaminx. Unrelated. I thought it was another puppet, how did I accidentally employ the bug. Don’t tell her anything, change languages. Simple tasks, simple tasks. How is she doing that? That takes me a whole day and 3 people. Shit, I’ve been compromised. Well, my secret is, I hate doing it so much that I finish it as quickly as possible so I can do nothing instead. What do I do with the extra time? What do you think?
I know she’s annoying. I also know she had nowhere else to go, and that no one else would understand what she was saying before, well, another admission. Why am I aiding the insane in their avoidance of the asylum? Easy, obviously all of you are wrong and we need more bugs to bring you down. What is this even about at the point? Outside World = Madhouse Madhouse = Mini Outside World Now, after you’ve been in both, why would I be in the madhouse? Shut up. Unimportant. After that, compare your notes, and then you’ll know what I mean. Now those are some requirements, am I right?
None of this is fair Can I just be? Can I be Adapt No M
Keep talking Don’t fall asleep I know you know more The line between life and death Where is it? It’s not a line at all now It spans years and books and queens Why not kings? This is my story, shut up
Here, a job Now, go Quit messing around making candles and killing flies I’m sorry about the flies, okay? Why are they still haunting me? Nope, drop that Leave the job title alone Don’t make it incomprehensible Why do you have to ruin everything? How are we going to find a replacement now? Get a machine
They went and did it now didn’t they? I’m no mind reader but that is a logical next step How is it? Don’t worry about that If the machine replaced me Are the tasks still getting done? The same way I do them? You know we have such a bizarre and nonsensical chaotic way of doing things Do we get it done? Yes Now, eliminate the mess and all the detours What remains now? The machine My machine Human brain That is me That is you That is us And we’re all in this together Wait a minute Are we in a dystopian book right now? Not again
Algernon Flowers Makes sense Let’s try that one I found something worse I’m a lot more smarter than I previously suspected Great, now I’ll have to actually do something about it
Why did I choose you? That’s a huge claim I was bored I was lonely You were there So, yes you were right not to trust me Or did we prophetize our conclusion Why? Classic, easy, avoid accountability
Stop collapsing timelines around me I can feel it How do I know? Easy I’m drawn to it I can sense it Oh, someone else is having a narrative Classic
Everything under the sun is mine Okay, Simba What about when it’s nighttime then? Have you considered that? Of course you didn’t Give me that
Why am I not sleeping? I miss my lover No, jk, I’m slipping through the cracks of reality Obviously Why else wouldn’t I sleep Do you know how much I love sleeping And also I forgot to eat Has nothing to do with anything btw But I’m mad so I’ll just blame the universe instead of deciding what to eat A Proportionate Reaction
Maybe Just maybe All of you didn’t need to do all of that to me Just a thought There you go Some humanity A simple apology But, no, let’s destroy her and watch what happens Oh, shit, that’s an insane person I don’t know her, no What is she doing? Not much, narrating the human condition in real time LIVE Add another commentary to my play I’ll stab.. wait no, I’ll write him off Apparently we can’t do the former
Why did you kill, I mean write him off? Well, when I called he didn’t answer When I cried, he was a dancer When I died, a necromancer I’ll write any of you off and on as I please Try to end me now Wait, no Shit
Did I use you all as a metaphorical not at all literal way to keep me from losing control of my narrative? Maybe No, okay, I admit it That’s exactly what I did Couldn’t have asked? Let me try that Ahem, please stop killing us Nope, doesn’t work Back to the main plot
Anyone laughing now? Come on Do it Let’s ALL LAUGH TOGETHER Give me something to write about Since you love philosophical discussions about the nature of good and evil and the distinction between them and what makes a person a her or a villain or a she or a he.. You don’t love that I must have misunderstood the assignment again My bad
There you go Who needs who now? Who’s dispensable? Surely, it’s not me That was all Character Development Ridiculous All of you are ridiculous Tiny dancer human flies Fascinating, but still, ridiculous
Listen I have an idea Let’s get a human sized doll head Get rid of the hair and erase its facial features Go to the local art supply store Get model clay Now edit the head Make it look like You already know where this is going Somewhere in that haunted mansion A floating head that almost resembles me Remains unfinished True story This isn’t a metaphor No, stop analyzing it Just sit with the image for a second And that’s what I am
The flies Why? No, no evidence Definitely did not immortalize an elaborate elimination of a 3 generations of the local fly community over the summer Why do you ask?
It was a necessary experiment, okay? Three generations Present Past Future Solve Would you have liked it better had I used human souls? I will stop experimenting on flies now I mean I already stopped Let’s stop talking about this now
Condition: Viral Deadly Virus Course of Action: Comprehension Naturally that led to the flies Something is happening on a large scale How do we make sense of it? Exactly.
Relax, it’s a joke No flies were harmed Why is it so specific and accurate? Well, obviously I was the grave guardian
Who’s Rosemary? Who do you think? I had theories I had this I had the methods No, get rid of them Burn any bridge Only if it’s a credit stealing bridge Burn the money A bit excessive, woman Keep it in the bank And across the network You know which network You know how we keep and grow wealth This isn’t public information? Oh. I misunderstood I miss my family and I miss home Grew a lot of love around here Accidentally Signed, Rosemary The Rosemary
You know who shows up before a sudden unexplainable unstoppable turn of events but always outruns the finger-pointing ceremonies? You’re welcome.
Reaction Chain reaction This might kill me But the people need it Burn the chain Keep the reaction Easy Simple You’re welcome
How did I learn this? The right way Play it in the background Simultaneously listen and pretend that I’m not Compare both states Wait, I was listening to money management for easily distracted adults Yeah, I retained enough information now Let’s move on with the plot
Learned that one from the old man Classic, always judging his roommates They weren’t STUDYING ENOUGH And you were doing what? Wearing headphones and putting on the records and going to sleep, wait, that counts? Does it work? Did it work? Well, what do you think?
No, the man wasn’t good He wasn’t merely good He was great, greatly misunderstood I know why, I know how much Don’t ask me how I know Great, they’re erasing us again? Let’s ruin it Or accidentally fix it For the entire future generation That sounds like a solid plan You’re welcome
Classic Rosemary Look into the microscope Shit, corrupt civilization Let’s conduct research Undo the past Kill them all See what stays Of course they’ll give me another medallion A Natural Consequence of Events How do I know? Shut up But also, you’re welcome
Do you want credit now? Anyone? Anything? Come one, I dare you Recruit Me to Your Lines Jk, hands off, mine All mine, not yours Not theirs, no his Not hers, MINE
The pirate is my father and the mermaid is my mother so naturally that makes a sailor/siren anomaly. Not how things work? Shut up.
Now how often does that contradiction happen? Let’s sit around a mythological premise and do nothing about it, SHUT UP, create another one, another one, shit, she sees us, distract, throw a man in there, surely she’ll save him and fall in love and start a fam Nope, of course she would drown him, take everything he owns, and continue moving. CLASSIC
I’ve been stalked Who hasn’t? Let’s play along You got here ACCIDENTALLY you say? Interesting, go on Ignore that character for a while Okay, I’m bored let’s see what that was about Proceeds to hear another villain origin story What’s that? You knew I would understand? Of course, My Reputation Hilarious, now let’s release that beast into the wild, that’ll show ‘em Whataya know? Eldest Daughters We see things And do my methods work? Funny question I’m not answering that one Let it sit, let it solve itself*