In my defense
In my defense For everyone else involved I was the girl in the colorful attire Don’t blame them for not knowing A crowd? I’ll sit in front of them Not for me, for her, for them They organized the event The graduation ceremony What she was missing is guts So, there you go The IT Support and DJ Service were secondary She needed someone to sit next to her Buffer between her and the crowd That person is me, you’re doing great Took her a year to flee that place too Ridiculous
I see the crowd I sit in front of the crowd I’m not scared of them They’re scared of me This is basically everyone in town Not exactly, the family heads The strong players I see them, what about them? Oh, there’s a teenager in heels Almost slipped, no time to think There, arm extended What even is my job here? The principal saw that There she goes doing something inexplicable again She wants to take pictures with her brother Easy, ridiculous, should I have let her slip?
Someone’s complaining What’s the issue? This is your family Deal with it Not sitting down in front? I don’t understand They can sit anywhere The pictures? What about them? I missed that memo Some people can’t be seen sitting anywhere but the front seats They ran off Your son’s still graduating whether you sit down or not Someone run after them and fix that Not me, literally anybody else They’re back, perfect, moving on
Why is she not scared of us? Why is she not slipping and faltering for stability in front of us? Stammering and stuttering in front of us? She simply shows up, does the thing, leaves Barely even address us That’s someone I recognize Future brother in law A nod, a wave and a knowing look You have no idea what you just agreed to brother He’s expecting his first daughter It’s going great For us, I don’t know about him Ridiculous
Priorities They don’t need your approval They’re with me, follow me There, sit down, hand me the huge chocolate basket, everyone seated? Perfect That’s my sister’s new family, man They get special treatment here That’s where you stop and step in? Basically, yes, priorities
He’s my age, I think Around that My sister likes him, what was I supposed to say? No? I approved it, tested and vetted He gets a chair at the table We don’t really say that upfront We let the actions speak for us Can he handle himself? Takes initiative? Acts? Did you think I’d hand off my little sister to anyone? No, there was a long initiation process He passed
They might not like me Might not approve of some of my actions I’ve made mistakes, we all do A lot of mistakes Anyway They respect me Not because of who I’m connected to Because I was scaring the shit out of them in the background, telling nobody and moving on There, now they’re behaving Ridiculous
I was shortsighted I trusted my own flesh and blood They’re like me, they don’t need intervention Big mistake, that’s where I was defeated Everyone else behaving? Yes Wait, what’s going on? I thought he was one of the good ones, shit Well, after this is all over, he will be No other choice Let me just recover from the murdering Then we’re back to action Ridiculous
A year and a half That’s how much older he is The question asked in-between the punches Well, oh, he’s serious, I thought it was a hypothetical question You were there When I was born What do you mean how old I am? A place to pin me down Older or younger Subject or ruler I don’t follow your faulty logic I don’t know what you did in those extra 18 months you were given, but I’m not impressed Ridiculous
Look at this Formidable button presser I’m still a woman Scared to go back home The more you terrify me The more buttons I’ll press
Men Just before she quit she tells him I’m moving on, to the hospital That’s where her competence belongs He thinks she’s joking Why would they take you? Why were you promoted? I caused the trouble that resulted in that chair and then put you in it Not your competence Me, finding the easiest way to avoid being chastised for being late So, yes, she’s now in the hospital Laboratory technicians belong there Not in middle school science labs
Flirting? I suppose they might have done that No way to know for sure If I even suspected it I would dissect it Then come back the next day You were talking about the state of the world Explain your reasoning and logic using the standard experimentation research orientation Something like that They don’t try it again They usually don’t even come back Ever Ridiculous
Catastrophic failure Marriage interviews What am I supposed to do here? Why is he asking me that? What’s going on? I have cubes that I haven’t solved yet I don’t know what you want from me Your brother sent you here Your father, mother? Why? I was out there being myself Somehow it gets reinterpreted as a solid marriage candidate found I will therefore never go out again Ridiculous
I heard you have daughters Yes? Here we go again Suspicious timing Newly orphaned One two three four Anyone else? I may be dramatic But my reasoning is this: no fraternal protection Vulnerable woman (me), just play along Therefore; what were they planning to do with me exactly? Sacrifice me to the higher good? This operation is suspended until forever If he’s not here to authorize it I guess no one is getting access Ridiculous
Okay. Yes, dramatic I see where I started the slippery slope nonsense Normal reaction: honored, I have been selected Deploy daydreaming protocol Love, family, happiness ever after Wrong Why now? I’ve been here forever He’s gone, so you all swarm in? Go back to where you came from Leave me be Ridiculous
Dramatic If my father is not here to say yes Then it’s no, indefinitely Everyone go back home We solved it Sorry, guys My dad is not answering I don’t know what he would say Therefore; we say nothing
I know what he would say I can guess She did what? Checks out
The graveyard He lies down with us Where were you when he was alive? No, let me say it Don’t shut me up Where were they?
That’s not where he died He was abandoned I will not sugarcoat it Big brother He carried a lot Until the end
My presence is a privilege I know that, I also know better to hide it Blend in the background Blend in, the sore thumb Blend in, no use Hello everyone Yes it is me Greetings are in order You’ll overstimulate me this way Next, hi how are you good me too Next Here we go again How do I keep finding myself here?
Shit happens You get a job Everyone knows everyone You’re the someone in the middle Watching all of that unfold Understanding none of it And yet Everyone knows everyone Everyone knows me I know no one Solve that
School classmates No idea where they are Their mothers on the other hand Apparently, I am in the middle of that network Hated, despised, admired, known, scrutinized, loved, and every once in a while being told something like: “my daughter got married” What’s that gotta do with me I failed to produce the right social output Oh, really? When and where and how and to whom? Well, of course she got married, what else was she supposed to do This? No, this is something I invented
This is the opposite of the problem I pretend to have, I won’t go because I’m shy, WRONG. I won’t go because me showing up somewhere has consequences and I’m not always in the mood. Next.
I know my mom will call What am I supposed to say? Re-raise your sons? Oof, too far Anyway That’s the socially acceptable answer I am shy I am socially anxious Not necessarily wrong, per se Just not the whole story
They escape by themself Not my problem Let’s compare You Anyone ordinary Average Anyone Other than me Show up Leave Be forgotten Me? Get stalked, asked about and put in fast escalating absurd situations I can catch up mentally I see where things are going But physically? Let me be I’m trying to have a quiet weekend
You’re not the main character I’m not your supporting character This is my town and my network You simply appeared midway Decided to destroy the whole thing Then carried on before understanding what you just did
Grandmother’s house after work Workplace drama I will raise this to the higher authority After I have quality time with her She doesn’t have long left Where’s the authority, I mean your son, I mean my uncle? Oh, Friday, mosque, makes sense When he comes back we’ll discuss work Not I’m taking care of it We talked about something else Mosques and prayer times logistics Which one’s better, which one starts first Why am I here? Work was getting boring
I was 23 Technically 24 minus a day No warning no nothing I’ve postponed adulthood long enough He’s gone, congratulations, you’re a woman now Well, bad news for everyone involved
Womanhood How do I survive this? Be strong Done Now what? Oh You didn’t tell me there was a final boss Defeated Now what?
They benefited off of my labor So, I’m benefiting off of them They’re just a story now This is a future best-seller
I tried to tell her Don’t go escalating first sign of trouble I’m TELLING Calm down That’s an option A safety net Not the first button Preferably we never have to press it But knowing it’s there helps
Well, when someone shows up in the last season, how do I explain myself? I’m playing a part and receiving zero help on purpose and therefore you shall do the same? Best I could do was this: please stop reaching out to the higher authority. I know him, I know how it works. I can’t explain why I don’t, I tried, both parties. Eventually I let go. Do whatever you want. My operation is still under progress.
I know why, self-protection. She was standing in the middle of the stage, right there, Spotlight. Get off of there, they already have the stones and the tomatoes ready. I couldn’t protect her after that.
Villain behavior. It works. It didn’t need to be that hard for her, that’s the problem. It was avoidable. I saw it happen. Unfold. Did nothing. Warning. Hinting. Solidarity. Then I was out of moves.
The town needs me Grandiosity What’s hiding behind that? I needed the town
Who even introduced me to Hamilton? Big mistake. Huge mistake. I was running around acting like a founding father. Ridiculous.
Easy When I have a problem Is this Hamilton’s or Burr’s specialty? Choose, then act accordingly
Looking at this from an outsider’s point of view. Terrifying, this person is scared of nothing. Also, they seem to know everything. They conducted a whole research for shits and giggles and now they’re apparently conducting a live broadcast on the injustice of living in this day and age. From the inside, what on earth am I doing?
Rage If she makes your life a living hell she must care I understand that logic but by now I’m making every bystander’s life a living hell Even my mother doesn’t know We handed her a paper She apparently now has a following and an influence on the environment When did this happen?
Cover blown Operation on hold Having a job is boring enough That’s why I turned it into a backstory
Every once in a while someone will give me a call or a text. We dreamed about you, what’s up? What have you been up to? A lot. I don’t have time for this. I thought I left you in school, why do you still remember me? Years, decades. Release me.
Unreasonable I realize that Resources Outsiders? Definitely not A recurring character with a newborn Definitely yes Deploy all the resources Then run away and let the town clean up the mess What? The town got something out of it. An extra teacher. Release me. The kids will be taught one way or another. Ridiculous.
No, I don’t sit around to explain my reasoning. I see, I act. Time passes. I notice the changes. I deny involvement. They did it. None of my business.
Here’s my reasoning Baby Cute Give it everything Next
I show up Things happen around me I don’t make them happen I do what feels right Reality adjusted for maximum good
His last days Well, what is he doing? I was studying him The retired father’s philosophy That’s it, that’s all I am him Instead of him monitoring me I flipped the table Interesting, he does have a point In everything
I will not wait for permission We accept you therefore proceed Deploy all the documents and maps The history, the good, the bad, the ugly See what happens
Sit back and watch Just as I suspected Competence was there All they needed was a little push
What’s a safe thing to eat when your stomach takes everything you give it, turns it into brain power, then stays behind until the brain slows down again to remember: “oh, it’s time for another meal”? No idea.
Oh, the generational curse is due for another vessel to continue carrying it in. Rejected.
I reviewed the applications. Hopeless. Offensive even. What do I look like to all of you? An idiot. Makes sense. But still, I get to say no. If I’m pressured, I play along until I can deliver one in a more creative way. En Oh N O NO No no
Don’t insult me that way. Me and you in the same sentence. Don’t. No.
I have an excuse. I can’t drive. I’m intoxicated. That’s it. Solved. Next.
I’ve lived there for years. Now I’m terrified to cross the door threshold, good job everyone. Here’s an advice, if you see a bull heading towards you at full speed with a wooden stick that he intends to break on your back, reach for the nearest artificial flower vase and use it as a weapon. What does that accomplish? Absolutely nothing. Another broken ornament.
That’s the ultimate threat. Remember? I will beat you with this stick until it breaks. It’s doable. Unfortunately, I found out the wrong way. It’s not an empty threat.
What happens after the stick’s broken? Surely, it must stop there, right? Wrong, Mortal Kombat. Street Fighter. I have not trained for this.
No dignity. Strip her too, let’s see what she’s hiding under the clothes. You had no right to look.
What was I hiding? No idea. Am I not allowed to have a body or what? I checked. Everything was normal. Someone explain that. What pushes a person to reach that conclusion? Justified. No, not justified.
I’m coming for the police too. Try to stop me. I already defeated them once. Sent to investigate premises that hid nothing just because.
No, not chinatown. It’s not chinatown. It’s my town. Fix it.
Same family name. How convenient. Who needs protection here? The victim with the visible bruises, or the perpetrator too cowardly to even show up?
You got that right. I don’t need protection. You do. From me and everyone I recruited along the way. Run.
Forget it Forget it When the people in power get entangled in that mess, the obvious route is to leave. Leave the place where you’ve dirtied your hand enough. Leave.
I figured that out at 28, after one job. They kept going, built families and infrastructure on that shaky ground. What happens if I do this? The foundation. What happens if I touch that and expose it? Interesting. Broken foundation. All I did was write some silly words.
Score They shouldn’t have let me in that police station Correction They shouldn’t have allowed my phone to cross that threshold
One bird One butterfly Nothing could happen Right? Wrong
I’m confused. Why was he scared? Who was he scared of? I was right there. Sitting in front of him. Someone bigger and stronger that will strip him of his chair? This is it, man. This is as big and strong as it gets. The butterfly.
The elders No one cares If you see a crime you do something Regardless of the last names attached
I was quiet Don’t let them see your black eye Why? Don’t let him give me a black eye
No one stopped him So it kept going No one is stopping me So I will keep going
I’m mad for myself, yes But also, how many times did that happen? To other people How many times?
Intervene if you see me quiet I’m probably plotting another institution’s downfall Or deciding what shoes to wear You never know
That’s my family And therefore I should shut up? Wrong Fix it
Who appointed me head of the state? Me. The men were busy committing crimes. Next.
I see a chair, I sit. A senior police officer is sitting there? Fine. I’ll sit opposite him, then flip the board. His move. Next.
Next on the agenda The Police Seriously? Who is sending these requests? Fine
Terror When did he relax a little? When I smiled That was the moment Checkmate
They keep sending me into institutions They gave me access They don’t even check my phone Their network is compromised I de-escalated For my mom Not for any of them grown ass men Shaking in my presence There you go Point of failure Don’t send my mom with me on my institutional expeditions
Hello Is he there? Why is he there? Do I have to use violence?
If the town expects my presence Then the town should deploy maximum safety protocol If not I’m not walking back into my own demise
Who’s there? You ask that every time Why do you think? No, it’s not because I’m searching for reasons to come, I’m establishing safety first. So, you won’t come for me. I guess so. You have him. Keep him. Enjoy.
Walk back into the fire Absolutely not I’m the flame not the moth
Activities for newly disowned daughters? No, I disowned them, unimportant
Not good enough for me Improve conditions further Then I might return
Moana This is exactly me No further questions asked The pearl diving is in my blood
I know what it sounds like Yes, my family is prone to disowning people who say no, why can’t I do it? Are you making things better? No Disowned Until further notice
My ancestors did not dive into uncharted waters only for me to say: “I’m scared of speaking up”. DIVE
If anyone asks where I went, tell them she’s gone on another pearl diving expedition.
Don’t call Don’t text Under the sea There’s no connection
The Event Yesterday Emirati Women Caught my attention PEARLS You know ball She knows ball All pearl everything I need more pearls
Come here We have something for you A BABY Cell door locked Come on now Not again
I must have more money than I think I have by the outrageousness of the advertisers that call me. Interesting, let me pretend that this is completely normal.
Hold on. Why am I playing along? I’m broke allegedly. This isn’t a side quest I’m interested in at the moment.
They’re not wrong. I do act like the bank is my unlimited source of income. Nothing to see here. How much? Let me ask the bank. They said no.
Unfortunately, I can’t ask how much pearl power things cost. Money money money. I have pearls, take it or leave it.
History lesson Why is no one on the ship allowed to bring a knife? Murder? Uprising? Nope, big boss has to open the oyster That’s me Hand me the oysters My pearls
Well, if everyone has a knife and no rules. That’s a pirate ship. Which is not allowed, unless I’m the big boss pirate. What did the women do back home? No idea, I smuggled myself into the ship. Too late now.
Why the estate’s location? Let me see. Water, beach. Sold.
Beach house. Ship. What else do I need? Treasures. Pearls.
Listen to their pitch at least. Pretend to care a little. Ocean? Window? Why are you still talking? Give me the papers.
That is literally my approach. Goddamn, why is everyone here overdressed. Selling or buying probably. Just tell me where to sign, I’m not interested in whatever performance y’all got going on here.
My bad. Their destination was my hometown. I showed up in home attire. Next.
My kryptonite is someone asking for an explanation when I already ran the numbers mentally and reached a conclusion. It’s a yes, let’s move on.
I can go anywhere So go home Not there
Anastasia Imagine that she lived And the others too Imagine that they had guns under their beds
I don’t know about any of you But I’ll take the guns over the jewels What good are they on the other side?
Again The Romanovs How did we get here? Unimportant The jewels versus the guns
I’ve reached middle-aged divorcee level of drama without even getting married. Spectacular, the kids have requested my presence, unfortunately my presence somehow leads to unprecedented levels of violence.
Fix it Everything Don’t ask me where to start From the bottom Remove the rotten foundation and rebuild
Popular Yes, I am Just not in the way you think She’s here, why is she here? What is she up to? Hanging out
I can’t leave the house without an intervention. I’ve already been outside the house for days. I can’t go out once I’ve gone in. Make that make sense.
Therefore why would I go back in? Solved. Next.
Broke the family? I’m not the idiot who decided to go after the glue. Next.
Zero agency You will go to work You will stay inside Then they cry when I blow the whole thing up
They do bribe me sometimes, I take what they give and carry on with my mission anyway. Brutal.
Riches and chocolates? I’ll take that. Fully funded travels? I’ll go. That’s it. There’s no next. I’ll take it. What do you want? You gave it away.
Technically, I never signed any papers selling my soul for a few bucks. I play the game, I do something they don’t expect. Oh, this isn’t how this is supposed to go. Too late, I took the money. Next.
Years and years of this nonsense stops with me. The price isn’t even worth it, I might reconsider if it was enough. Actually, no. No price on this butterfly. Next.
Again What is my father doing here Next
Everyone happy now? Y’all turned me into my father. Now what? I didn’t receive a manual. Next.
What would my father do? He would step away. Reassess the damage, count the wounded and strategize. Let me go do that. Next.
He grew soft there by the end. But give me dad at his prime, that’s who I need now. You spilled JUICE on my carseats AGAIN. Shit. Here we go again. It happened enough times that it’s a villain origin story. Next.
He was strict. Why do you think I’m the way I am. Everything is a military operation. School? Gather your resources and be outside the door at 7 STAT. Or else, you’ll never hear the end of it.
I think he missed the parenting manual and decided to go with what he did at work. Makes sense. Also, my bad, I should have accounted for the juice being susceptible to being spilled on his carseats. Next.
More on the legendary strict dad arc Did you pass? Yes Mark? 99 WHAT Why not a 100? You’ve grown careless There’s no use crying over spilled juice on your dad’s carseats for the last time. There had to be a last time, right? So, not by crying, by accounting for failure points and not repeating them. There, no more accidental juice spills until forever. Take all measures necessary, easy. Next.
Yes, he was scary. Yes, his methods work. Why stop at 99 when you know you could do better? Why spill juice when you know you could just not? Next.
Mistakes. The 1 out of the 100. Why? Where? Investigate. Incorporate into existing system and try again. Next. 100. See? Not hard. Next.
I learned the lesson. It’s harsh. Very harsh. Someone else would have cried forever over it. Fortunately, I learned the lesson. Try again. Next.
This is why we prefer mom. The other guy is scary. Where did she find him? Here he comes. EVERYONE. Act right. The Admiral has arrived. He seems to be inspecting reports and results. What did you get this time? We’re in trouble. Yes, SIR. Top of the class. Phew. That was close.
Oh no I’ve been shot Stay upright Find shelter Calculate Heal Avenge Next
Yes The villain Sometimes we have to be that If the alternative is a hero that lets everything slide until Metropolis turns into Gotham Then we choose the villain
Looks like a kitten acts like a lion. This is why no one takes me seriously. The Aesthetic Department. Ridiculous.
The library. The office. The magnificent library. Why did he have an office at home? No idea. The library? Also no idea. Bored? Let’s investigate the library. Encyclopedias. No, give me the one with the pictures. Take this one. I’m done with this one. What did we learn? Absolutely nothing. A lot probably. The point is we weren’t bored anymore. Time to go skating or playing with dolls or something. Until we’re bored again. The LIBRARY. When do you think he’ll get us more books? Is this it? Well, there’s a lot more we haven’t read yet.
You guys should appreciate this while it lasts. Statistically speaking, I will abandon everything mid-project. Weren’t we doing something? Yes, we’re done doing it. We’ve exhausted the doing until any more doing is pointless and redundant. We got the 100, why stay there and stare at it forever? Next.
Birds in a nest. Watch the chicks. That one is about to jump. Should we intervene? Definitely not. Told you it’ll fly. Next.
Happened too many times to be a coincidence Up to chance Everything falling apart Locate nearest library That was close Thank you for the libraries Saved my life Next
I don’t know where the budget was going but I saw a library. Not enough books. Get more. How many? Cutoff? Oh. I can work with that. Done. List generated and deployed. Did they go through with it? No idea. Next.
Me at home: where’s mom and also I can’t go to the doctor alone
Me at work: where’s the principal and how can I successfully bypass his radar when deploying my mission for the day
No wonder everyone’s confused Checks out Next Oh no She’s mad Come back We’ll be nice More money? No, probably not Okay? I’m done HR is family Mom will handle this Checked out
Suspect that you’ll be murdered and buried? Don’t panic. Wait until you get your access back. Go viral for a couple of days. Bruises and black-eye clear? Location toggled on? Contacts toggled on? There. Now everyone knows. Prove your point. Say it’s accidental. Then go back to your private life. Next.
Why’d you do that? What was the whole travel trip for then? Shopping and vibes. Oh, you wanted the marks to disappear and hide me from the public’s eye? I wasn’t aware that was the objective. Anyway, more shopping while we’re here. Next.
Basically, everyone knew. They knew and were too scared to say it to my face, naturally. They know better than that. The terror when I showed up in public. News travel fast in small towns. Next.
Oh, they tried to contain me when I came back. They didn’t know that everyone knew already. Oops. Next.
TAKE HER CAR KEYS LOCK HER UP Sir, the community have been informed already What’s that going to accomplish? Next
3 steps ahead Now we wait I’m tired of waiting Now it’s 6 steps ahead
I didn’t yell WOLF I have a phone and a connection Why would I even use my voice Why would I even move There Buttons Network Brains
Locate the community’s main source of gossip Go sit in front of her Done Easy Next
PR after disaster Anti PR Do everything wrong If they say left go right Narrative control
I built that network They’re not going to talk shit about me on my network Unless I want them to
What happens when two department personalities collide? Wait, why does everyone know you? I thought you were lowkey We were running around the place making fools of ourselves while you just sat there Exactly, control the network Don’t run around in the network
What happens if I do this? New experiment Stop talking like a machine What are you feeling? I didn’t know that mattered
I tried the normal approach Shopping malls This is what people like Except Why are we looking at a watch for 15 minutes Get it or don’t Afford it? Do Can’t afford it? Don’t Now let’s go find a library Camera ready Picture ready Keep optimizing that until you end up looking good only in pictures The rest can burn No, that’s a bad idea You can’t control your image as much as you’d like to think you could Not something you can buy You either have it or you don’t
I’m scared to go home that’s why I’m scaring everyone else instead. Solid logic.
Shake hands He won’t do anything Kindergarten logic When the teacher’s gone You best believe he’ll do something
Give them a million chances before retaliating That was you face zero guilt
You have bewitched me Why would you do that? Undo it, the body and soul too
Spend so much time guarding your head, lose your heart in the process. Where’d that thing go?
If by the end of the day I can look back at my writing and feel horrified by what I find, then that is a day well spent writing.
Anyone remember when we had to drive, get in line, get our nose holes pricked every so often just to get a green check mark on our phone screens that we had to show security to be allowed to go to work, and we actually did it, or is that just me?
Once I open that heart up and listen to what it has to say, I’ll never hear the end of it. Headphones in, can’t hear it. What’s that? Go back inside and close the door. I don’t know what to do with you.
They were louder More confident Therefore Everyone assumed they were right
Imposter This isn’t me The more I know the less I think that I know Reverse that Convince myself that I know enough Then I’ll stop searching Always searching We get it, we got it Congratulations You solved everything Now, can we live? No, living isn’t safe Death is the fixed location Down under Up there is where I can mess with the configurations I’m here, I’m there, I’m everywhere When I’m nowhere, who’ll carry the flame? Someone with enough rage I know about love and light That punctures my chest That takes the dynamically located self There. Go there. That’s where your fixed location is, the last one before death Are you sure? This makes no sense
Up there where you can see everyone’s pay slips. Who thought it was a good idea to leave that around me? Numbers memorized and calculation programs ran. That’s where the money goes. If I was HR I’d kill, no, I’d simply stop working there. You’re not only authorizing everyone’s death march, you’re signing off your own too. I’ll never know what motivates someone to do that. Money, I understand. But according to the pay slip, not nearly enough to waste another year in that hopeless place. I guess I’ll never know.
I hate this place and I’m leaving No, you don’t, here’s a higher position Okay I hate this place and you just gave me the tools necessary to take you down I guess I’ll stay for a little while more
I’ll enlighten the local community I am sent from above to teach them work ethics It’s going well mostly Except for that one local woman She knows the rules just well enough She doesn’t know, she knows I see what’s going on She wrote the rules How did we miss that?
He’s annoying me Send him away There we go Now was that hard? Do I need an Australian passport for you people to take me seriously? Beat him at his own game then left before he could figure out what just happened Classic
Siblings causing trouble at school My mother was tired Let’s investigate Bad grades? No, top of the top Then? Basically, he was trolling Solve this question Okay, done The answer is right, but the vocabulary Let me give you an example Write a full sentence The cat is stupid That’s a sentence That’s a full sentence Why was everybody mad? Maybe the cat WAS stupid
My sister was also causing something The teacher kept complaining I don’t have time for this, woman Come to our house, meet the family There, stop calling me Teach her the lessons We’ll send her to your place too Solved, that’s my mother’s logic She forgot to account that the problem was not incompetence, it was, as usual, the trolling But that’s another family friend now Once the teacher was not an unknown variable I guess she grew more lenient about the trolling
Retired father activities Pizza party for the last-born’s classroom Get to know all of her classmates There, now they all love me The problem is this: the last-born Why did you do all of this? You know I don’t like pizza Mission failed Go home everybody The heir to the throne has spoken No more pizza parties for you Why’d you do that? We love your father Can he come everyday? Not if pizza is in the equation
They forced me to be there 8 hours a day Week after week With this brain What did you think would happen? I was having way too much fun Handed me the kingdom keys No authority to hold me down Except for management Management does what I want We’ve been through this already They missed something Context
Comedy The guy you pushed into a promotion because he kept showing up in your office unannounced then decides to play the mentor role. Here, I will show you how I did it, you’re allowed into my world. This is how you climb the stairs. No, I know. I’m stuck in this position for a reason. If I start climbing, they’ll never let me go, and I have better things to do.
Competence is a trap. I have no patience now. Why did I never consider teaching? Because of that. Imagine me trying to explain something to a child, that’s the equivalent of parental homework time horror. What’s 6 times 7? No, not six seven. Why do you keep saying that? Also, I somehow have the audacity and confidence to grab the paper, solve it and tell my sister to get out of my face. Only for her to come the next day and tell me that she failed. I mean, that I failed. Never doing that again now.
Invisible I feel invisible Put me in front of a crowd I’m not scared because I’m invisible
Missed cues. What a nice lady. Do you guys know her? Oh. We don’t like her. Can I ask why? The perfume and the clothes. That’s it. Bye.
More missed cues. Catastrophe. They’re hiring good looking women. SCORE. Wait, why is everyone mad? That’s more incentive right there. No one wants to get up early just to face an army of men and prepubescent boys. As usual, I missed something. Context.
The girls are going to a wedding. Here comes the bride, I have to go to this one. Well, let’s make it worthwhile. Unforgettable appearance. Management is confused. What happens there? We get dressed, we look good and we take pictures. Can I see? Absolutely not. Why? Man. Fine. Have fun.
He really wanted to see. There’s a men’s celebration too. What happens in that one? No women. Then why would I go? Men.
Favorite population to terrorize. Men > 30. That’s when I start generating prank ideas. What happens if I do this? Let’s see.
First network: work Second network: women I had access to both He had access to one Checkmate
CIA? No need. Women gathering. Me in the middle. That’s everything.
Share? Curated for the audience? Takes too long Share everything The audience will curate itself
Go back to the day I created this account. Take me outback and shoot me. Or take me to the beach. Both.
Career advisor. Why are you unemployed? I know too much. Next.
Coaches don’t play. They play until they’re done playing and then they coach. Next.
Social engineering. For me it works like this. Boss says something, subordinate says yes. Unfortunately, I make myself the boss. Next.
I made up my mind. No amount of talking will change it. This isn’t a negotiation. No. Next.
When you use that logic with relationships, you die alone. Perfect. Next.
Am I the boss here? No. Then why am I here? Next.
Ran the numbers. I will die alone if I don’t compromise. How to override that without compromising? Next.
Audacity and vibes. Go somewhere. They’re not treating me like the big boss that I am. I leave. Next.
Feelings have no place in that arrangement. Feelings make me lose the big boss title? Feelings are wrong. Next.
Boss plus no feelings Not boss plus feelings Solve Big boss all alone
Boss plus feelings I missed that one That could work Next
Don’t tell your mom That was my favorite game It wasn’t anything suspicious I caught your cousin smoking No way (I already knew)
No one understood them So they built people who would be able to
We understand We’re able to Now what? Next
Travel back in time Face your father What on earth were you preparing me for? Next
He did it The madman He did fatherhood right Find a child Make them you Leave
My man You forgot to account for my girlhood The trauma you faced was very hard to replicate I had to improvise Next
This feels like a professor talking to an empty classroom. At least no one interrupts you. Next.
Find me a soldier. Send him to war. Give him a child. Provide no guidance. The child is now a general. Next.
She’s sharing music recommendations How endearing Wait Again? Next
Those are time and location stamps Sometime Justin Bieber performs them Why not? Next
Surface level You’re all operating from surface level I’m controlling things from here One Direction next
Radio Cosmic radio Taking requests Hello? No way Hannah Montana? Seriously Next
They’ll give you the ability to write Then they’ll warn you Don’t use it Why not? Next
Your music taste sucks I know Integrate it into the operation Now they’re forced to listen to it Next
Whose brilliant idea was it to let Spotify just sit there, with all the buttons exposed? What happens if I do this? Next.
Spotify Twitter Me Solve The universe panel control
What would a father listen to? Let me see Hold on Next
That about summarizes it I think I wasn’t there I’m inferring Sounds about right Next
Where are you going? Outside Why? I’ll know when I’m outside Next
That’s why I’m aggressive without a car Car available? Car-keys? Ability to drive? Perfect, leave it there for when I need it I could go a long time without needing it But if you interfere with my qualifications ERROR
Let me explain Or try Come with us Where? This place Okay It turns out to be not only one place I only allocated energy for one Now I’m stuck Next
Principal Teachers’ lounge Complaint They’re vaping in there Oh no Why am I being interrogated? No idea, but I have the list Write it down Let me see No, that one does it discreetly The objective was are they doing it in here Out there is not a problem Next
What happens when a teacher’s vape dies? Search party. Everybody, show me your pockets. That’s mine now. You’ll get it at the end of the day. Next.
They shouldn’t have let me in the teachers’ lounge. My mind can’t stop memorizing things for no reason, and they’re comfortable enough to do it in front of me. Ask them to stop? No, then they’ll only stop when I’m there. Next.
Men. Teachers. I was treating them like misbehaving students. Hilarious. Next.
The women were minding their own business. They deserved a better space for work. Unfortunately, they turned it into a Hookah Lounge. Interesting. New room for women? No. Okay. Let me calculate. Kick the men out? Also no. Deploy Behavioral Correction Protocol. Done. Next.
Traitor. Inside information from an insider. She’s cool. Yes, I am. Carry on. Got him. Another name on the list. Next.
I wonder who keeps snitching. Not me. Next.
Spy operation. It’s just another day at work. Making things more interesting. Send me to Rehab. I’m baffled by how easy it is to hack that system. Do better. The “addicts” are double agents now. Next.
MARIAM Go sit there, they’ll corrupt your precious innocent brain. Why? I was collecting information. You’re making me wait either way. Let me enjoy it. Next.
They also let me go in there with my phone. They take it away at reception. It’s already inside, what are you doing? Next.
New rehab rule. No network. Put them in a padded room. Give me their phones. Next.
What do I do with the information that reaches me through the network? Leave it sitting there for when someone decides to attack me for no reason. Next.
No, I don’t ruin people’s lives. I have principles. Next.
Stop doing it in front of me What’s that going to accomplish? I can smell it, see it, feel it I know Next
What does an unrestrained bull smell like? Guess. Tobacco. You can’t quit that, I have no more points to make. Weak. Do better. Next.
I vape. They all vape. Why are they confessing in my office? No idea. Continue. What’s the plan here? Well, when I traveled to Egypt I quit for a week. Interesting. Go back then. Next.
I was there when the problem started. Let’s test the theory now, one thing’s missing: Context. You can’t know everything looking from the outside. Next.
Dangerous game Understand the addicts Be one Wait No
I’m onto something Let me talk Be one Least harmful substance Interesting Apply to all Next
Get me your worst addict. Give him a job. Maximum stress. Perfect. Next.
Relax I already ran the experiment On myself Hilarious Next
Why’s there a vape in your room? Experiments. Science. No further questions. Next.
They let me in I said I was one and they let me in You can’t make this shit up I have access now Next
VIP rehab goer I go there to help They don’t know I’m doing it Hilarious Next
Look at this place The phones Oh my god Your network’s compromised I did it without even trying What else? The cameras Leave me alone with one of them Genius Her? She’s safe, you can sit with her That’s how I end up knowing everything Next
New mission Ask the right questions Map points of failure Collect similarities Solve Men They’re always there somewhere Next
WAIT Don’t come out the car yet Don’t walk back to the car yet Why? A man might see you Not if I see him first Next
They keep treating me like royalty. We will escort you lest a man knows you exist. I’m not complaining. Carry one. Next.
If you give women freedom they’ll stop listening to you. Yes, too late now. Next.
Psych ward. Reason of breakdown. Not much. Almost murdered, transported then locked up. Dramatic. Next.
Uncontrollable laughter. Ma’am, the question was: “Were you trying to kill yourself?” I know, that’s my answer. Laughable. Next.
No wonder they keep kicking me out. They can tell I’m not crazy enough. Who begs to be admitted? Then locked up for one more day. Me. I do. Next.
Well, if you lock me up here no one will kill me. Paranoid? Look at my face and bruises, am I making shit up? No. Keep me longer. I’m trying to solve something. Next.
Do I want to leave? Are the conditions out there safe enough yet? No. I’ll make them safer. Next.
I don’t belong I don’t I’m not pretending that I do I’m confused I can see the network and control it I can’t be a node in the network Well, mask as one, I can That’s why the network keeps glitching Schrödinger's Node That’s me Next
How many are observing me? No idea I’m the observer But also, the observed This shouldn’t be physically possible Yet it is Next
Run a simulation Let’s watch that Better than a movie Pick a node Any node Next
What happens when the court’s system glitches while someone is trying to sign a marriage contract? Go check on the children, find out they are extensions of the larger network. Now, they know me, their mothers know of me, and somewhere along the way, the connection cuts off and restarts. On? Sign that thing and let’s go home. Next.
I was supposed to be the Bride’s Big Sister. Accidentally unlocked more lore on the way. Next.
Not my fault. The system did it. I was supposed to handle the DJ at home. Decided to oversee the whole thing myself. Making sure she signs the right document or something. I don’t know my reasoning. I see, I act. Next.
Yes, she signed the right document. I was there. What was I expecting? No idea. Trouble. What happens when I find it? Interview the children. Ridiculous. Next.
Location: Grandmother’s Place. Uncle’s Townhouse. Variables: Men, somewhere. Children, right in front of me. Investigate This is the entirety of the fourth grade, let’s introduce ourselves, of course they know me. Next.
First name basis. I messed up there. MARIAM. Yes? Oh, MISS Mariam. Saying that hurts. Having to correct them feels unnecessary. You either address me by Your Majesty or first name basis. What am I supposed to do with Miss? Next.
Need a break. Let’s go head hunting. You know the drill. Some boys looking for an excuse to miss class, missed a couple of my exams. Is anyone in the mood for an experiment? I’ll let you have extra time as long as you let me watch this movie in silence. No. Opposite sides of the lab. They messed up when they listened to me. Now start. Next.
Data Science. What’s that? I need a degree. Unfortunately, I started doing it without realizing that I was doing it. Was it supposed to be hard? Probably. Graphs. Numbers. Study. Understand. Don’t explain to anyone. The graphs are there can’t you read them? Next.
I worked hard to collect the data. You will not touch a singly variant without me noticing. No manipulation of inputs. Or else, I’ll forget to punch in at 7:30. Next.
I get locked up for two days and I find the whole place upside down. Incompetence. Logistics? Scheduling? No one can do anything right. I have to do it manually like a club bouncer. One teacher and 10 students. Start. Leave without noise. Allocation? 5. Five more students. Unprofessional. They’re just standing in the corridor. Next.
If I go looking for higher education they’ll lock me up in the school. Trust me, I’ve been there. This is safer. For me. A disaster for everyone else. Next.
Well, I think she’s got it all figured out. I can safely pass away now. The others? Hopeless. Next.
Why is it an Event every time I show up. I’m starting to suspect that I’m the main character. Let’s test this. Change variables. Sometimes I can stop it from happening, but when I do, the repression turns into a volcano and now it’s a whole geographic situation. My bad.
This thing has never been loved. Interesting. Let’s introduce some. Error. That’s why. Next.
Good thing I got rid of the gun. Do I have it? Maybe. You don’t, that’s what matters. Life saved. Almost killed me with bare hands, imagine if he had a weapon. Next.
Where’s the gun? No idea. Contact the authorities. They have it. Next.
I kept the bullets as souvenirs. I don’t trust a firearm around you nutcases. Next.
That’s a confession. There was a gun in the house. There are now zero guns in the house. I think. I’m not waiting to find out. Next.
Whose gun? Doesn’t matter. He’s dead. Not putting that in the inheritance plan. Next.
That’s just a regular Birthday. Great, instead of celebrating I’m supposed to do risk analysis. Get that thing away from here. As far away as possible. Police? Sure. Next.
Imagine the argument after this confession, you did what? That’s why I almost killed you, because I suspected that you were plotting. I was. Next.
I hope you found everything you were looking for in my phone. Unfortunately, there’s a lot more. I didn’t archive everything. Now I am. Everyone is involved in case I’m murdered again. Next.
POLICE Yes? Someone raised their voice at me, again. No, I know. Won’t happen again, promise. Can I have it back? No reason. Bye.
I know someone who knows someone who knows someone and they all adore me. Next.
Personal favors. Can you check on my son and deliver the papers on my behalf? Lady, I don’t know you. But, yes, done. That’s how. Next.
Hello? Yes, the report cards are out. Website. Wait, how old are you? Okay. We’re starting from step 1. Open the browser. This takes a long time by the way. Got it? You’re welcome. Why aren’t their kids doing it? Probably don’t want them to see their report card. Next.
iPads. We have them. They don’t work. Why? You know what. Give me the whole set. I’ll take the inventory home and figure it out myself. Done. Next.
I hid them in my office. My iPads now. Anyone needs an iPad? Who’s asking? Well, tell the teacher to send a formal request, what is this, kindergarten? Next.
Project Based Learning. Can I accompany the teacher? Depends. Oh, LEGOS. I mean, yes, sure. Sixth graders, legos, me, a quiet teacher and a presentation. What could go wrong? I was so strict. Where is THIS part? Pockets, now. You will not be messing with the operation. Objective? Build a model and program it. Easy. Now who’s stealing the parts? Next.
I’m happy. I’m writing. Why is that a problem? Can I live? Go do something else. No, I want to do this. I have no life. I’ve lived it all. Now it’s time to put pen to paper. Next.
29 years of content. That’s a lot for someone like me. I did a lot of stuff, some I definitely was not supposed to be doing. That’s why I’m writing them, no one will have to try by experimenting. I already did it. You’re welcome. Next.
Not much. Look completely normal. Go out. Go to a mall. You’ll find a hundred like me. Which one is me? Good luck figuring that out. Next.
I could claim possessing other-worldly beauty. Nothing can stop me from doing that. My story, my configuration. I don’t. Completely average. Regular day me is average. Give me an operation and an objective and I’ll turn into a character. Otherwise, I don’t particularly enjoy wiping make-up off of my face day in and day out. Next.
That’s why I’m so annoying. Give me DETAILS. Who’s coming? I need to adjust my configurative model accordingly. Am I supposed to put on anything and show up? No. Details. Objective. Oh, sometimes people just gather? Then why all the masks? Exactly. Next.
Improvise. They saw me before the dress-up? Well, they’re early. No, I will not run and hide. I will greet them, show them where to sit. Excuse myself, put on the mask, come back. Yes, same person. I did some eyeliner magic. So, where were we? Oh, this is an engagement thing? I don’t even need to be here. She’s getting dressed, chill. There she is. Observe. Of course you approve, there was no other option. So, let me go now. Carry on the operation without me. Next.
How to find someone who knows way more than they let on? They keep insisting that they know nothing. I don’t know much, I promise. I read a couple of books, that’s all. Sure, get in the van. Humble acting imposter. You know more than enough. Next. *=